Passive Vs. Active

This past year has really brought a lot of new changes to my writing style. I've learned a lot from many of the new author friends I've made in my critique group.

One of the biggest changes I've made, thanks in part to editors Browne and King, authors of "Self-Editing for Fiction Writers", is that I've changed from writing in passive to active voice.

There are many benefits from writing in this style. I use most of them in my arguments to other writers when I'm critiquing their work.

• Passive voice separates the reader from the character, while active voice pulls you right into the action.
• Passive voice 'tells' the reader what 'was', instead of actively 'showing' them what 'is'.
• Active voice allows you to get right into the character's head, see their thoughts and feel their emotions.
• Active voice makes the difference between reading a story and taking an adventure.

Here are some examples of passive vs. active paragraphs from the novel I'm currently working on, Orientation - the first book of my Necromancer Series:

Original Passive/Telling Version:

Staring at Azrael for a few moments, with a look of befuddlement on her face, Sibyl-Claire tried to contemplate the meaning behind his statement. Was he implying that games were for the immature, or was he truly sad that he had never experienced them? Sibyl-Claire turned her attention toward Magus and asked, “Well, then what about you? Are you up for a little competition?”

New Active/Showing Version:

Staring at Azrael, Sibyl-Claire narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips. Is he implying that games are only for the immature, or sad he's never experienced them? She shrugged and turned toward Magus and asked, "Well, what about you? Are you up for a little competition?"

The first 'passive' version 'tells' you what Sibyl-Claire did and thought, keeping the reader on the outside of the story, looking in. While the second 'active' version, 'showed' you what she did and allowed the reader direct access to her thoughts, pulling them into the story.

All those points are true and I've seen how they work. Writing in active voice is hard, but it's something that I can spot a mile away now, which brings me to the next point I want to make.

After telling and showing you the benefits of writing in this style, which I agree with, I have to admit that I still love the passive/telling story. I've been reading Rowling's series again and though it's written mostly in passive/telling voice, I still find it very good, very entertaining and very adventurous.

So, while I'm changing and writing in a new style, one that I believe will only help to pull the readers into my stories and take them on some of the greatest adventures of their lives, there's also nothing wrong with a good, old-fashioned story telling.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Editing - Orientation 02/27/07

I have a lot of edits to do today, which I'm enjoying more than I think I should.

I know you've heard the saying, "When it rains, it pours." Well, that's certainly true for my writing list right now. I have such a storehouse of things to do, I don't know when I'll ever get them done. It's not something you can just clear your schedule to do. It's something that you have to tackle one thing at time, one piece at a time, bit by small bit until it's complete.

Here's just a small portion on my list:

• Complete my re-write/editing of Orientation.
• Complete my re-write/editing of The Year of the Unicorn.
• Write The Year of the Griffin.
• Write Lost Love
• Complete my re-write/editing of Bitter Tea.
• Write The Year of the Triton.
• Complete my re-write/editing of Mystery Meatball.
• Write The Year of the Phoenix
• Complete my re-write/editing of The Heir of Ashford.
• Write The Year of the Dragon.
• Complete my re-write/editing of Mena.
• Write The Year of the Masters.
• Write Little Girl Lost

None of this includes any 'new stories' that may come up - and I dream them all the time. Nor, does it include the processes for when I become published for books already in submission (Milledgeville Misfit and Magic Island).

As you can see, I plan on being busy for a long, long while - and I think I'm going to enjoy every pain-staking minute of it. Writing is a labor of love. Don't let anybody tell you different. Some think it's easy to tell a story - but telling the story isn't really part of the process. There's so much more that goes into writing, and the biggest part is your heart.

I can't, and won't, complain. It seems to be raining in my life - because my list keeps getting bigger and longer everyday. That's a good thing. This is my vision as I've laid it out for you.

Habakkuk 2:2 - And the Lord answered me and said, Write the vision and engrave it so plainly upon tablets that everyone who passes may [be able to] read [it easily and quickly] as he hastens by.(AMP)

Crazy4Smallville's Weekly Review 6:14 & 15

I didn't post a review last week, mostly because I was disheartened, so I thought I'd combine it with this weeks.

I'm not sure where TPTB are going to go with the Lana story. I actually like this new role she's playing, but I abhor the Clana they keep insisting on shoving down our throats. It really makes me twinge every time it comes on the screen. I've really become disheartened with the story. But, I don't want to get onto another Clana rant.

Just what is Clark Kent supposed to be doing? He didn't join up with the Justice League because he was on a mission to round up the remaining Phantom Freaks, yet I haven't seen mention of any since then. He's been too busy doing the Lana dance. It's like the show has shifted from Clark's mission to Lana's mission and her quest to discover the truth about Clark. She's resorting to manipulations, lying, snooping and being down-right underhanded, but for what purpose? She's pregnant with a child that she hasn't SHOWN any interest or concern with, she's engaged to a man she clearly doesn't trust and she claims to be best friends with someone who doesn't trust her or her fiance and is hiding the one secret she's after. Come on - do they really think we're going to buy that she's even remotely innocent. Lana doesn't act like someone in love and is about to have a baby. She's on a mission - and that mission (to find out Clark's truth) trumps EVERYTHING else in her life. She's no different than Lex, because she's become consumed in her obsession.

I think this story line started a couple of seasons back with the emergence of the crystals, her witnessing the spacecraft and the two Krytponians and then her dealings with Zod and now Lex. She believes Clark is meteor infected, but now KNOWS that he's not - how much longer will it take her to put together that he's an alien? As Chloe said - she's been orbiting this secret for so long - she can't help but soon make a landing. I also think Clark knows this, but his apparent 'fear' of her discovering the truth is starting to dissipate. Is it because he's moving on and it doesn't matter as much as it used to, because he doesn't have as much to lose - or because he believes that it truly wouldn't make a difference and she'd accept him anyway?

You have to wonder what Clark thinks of Lana now. He still loves her, but his perfect perception of her isn't the same. She's fallen off that pedestal and perhaps that is what makes all the difference. I'm hoping that he's letting down his guard, because he's becoming more confident and secure in who he is - and isn't ashamed of it. Either way, he has to realize that Lana isn't the same sweet girl-next-door. He doesn't believe she loves Lex, yet he knows she's with him.

BTW - don't you notice that every time Lex and Lana lie to each other, they always follow it up with a kiss on the cheek and delivered with a smile? I'm starting to pick up on the tell-tell signs.

Now, onto Clark and Chloe. I nearly choked up when Clark told Chloe that she should consider him her personal bomb protection. That's LOVE. That's the Superman I know. That's the kind of relationship I love to see. It was a touching moment. Probably one of the sweetest moments I've seen yet. It showed the true heart of Clark Kent.

Now, what is Chloe's ability??? I've always suspected that she was somehow infected, but always hoped it was just who she was - the way Bart is just fast, Oliver is just good, Aqua is just ... a fish? I hope she doesn't turn out to be meteor affected, because what I've noticed over the past six years (and she has too) is that meteor freaks are a mutated version of greatness. While it gives the wielder an ability, its one that they can't handle and instead is the very thing that destroys them. They change - transform into the extreme - and like Chloe said - most end up either dead, on level 33.1 or in Belle Reve. Not a good outcome for Chloe, especially since she already fears the asylum due to her mother's mental history. BTW - has Chloe been visiting her mother? After that one episode, we haven't heard anything else about it.

There is a lot that's happened over these past couple of episodes. My biggest problem isn't what's happened, but trying to determine which path TPTB are leading us down. I just hope it's the right one. If Smallville can't do right by Chloe, then the CW should create a spin-off series centered around her - The Chloe Chronicles. I'd watch it! But, I'm really hoping they get back to the story of Clark Kent and him embracing his destiny.

Till next time,
~Crazy4Smallville

Orientation - Chapter One - Snippet

He made his way to the back of the store to the small coffee shop, surrounded by big oversized couches and chairs and a long counter with several barstools in front. Magus plopped down at the first stool and smiled at the jovial man sitting a few spaces down. “Hey, Mr. Wilson, what’s up?”

The old man swiveled around, folded his newspaper and wiped his hands on a small apron tied around his robust waist. He smiled at Magus and then reached up to tip the plaid hat that matched his plaid sweater. “That’s Master Wilson to you, young Magus. How many times must I tell you that?” Master Wilson picked up the newspaper and opened it back and resumed reading.

Magus smiled. “Until you tell me why they call you Master instead of Mister.”

The old man didn’t look back at Magus. He reached up with one hand and scratched his salt-and-pepper head, just behind his right ear. “You know, they say that an egg can stand on its end by itself today…” Master Wilson said, not looking up from his paper. “…How do you suppose that works?”

Magus drummed his fingers on the countertop. “I think it has something to do with the equinox, but I’m not sure. What I am sure about…” Magus said as he wiped his hand across his forehead, “… is that I hate this horrible heat. It seems to be one of the hottest days so far.” He wiped his hand on his blue jeans. “I’ve been sweating all day. What does your newspaper say about that?”

Master Wilson slid a small plate containing a bagel and two peanut butter cookies toward him. “I don’t put too much stock into what the papers say about the weather, but I have a feeling that the heat is just beginning for you today. Have you read the new comic that just came in?” Master Wilson glanced up from his paper.

With a mouthful of peanut butter cookie, Magus replied, “Nope, but give me a few minutes and I will… the usual place?”

“Yes,” replied Master Wilson, as he slid a cup of mocha caramel latte across the counter.
Magus took a sip to wash down his cookie. “Thanks,” he mumbled as small crumbs fell from his lips.

“By the way,” Master Wilson said as he dropped his newspaper and peered directly into Magus’ eyes, “Happy Birthday.”

Magus nearly choked on his cookies and coffee. “How did you know it was my birthday?” Magus asked curiously, as he wiped the frothy foam of the latte from his upper lip on the sleeve of his tee shirt.

“The same way you sometimes know things about people. I also remembered what it felt like on my thirteenth birthday and thought you might like some help on yours.” Master Wilson rubbed his silver-bearded chin. “It’s an amazing day, but it can be a little scary too.”

“I don’t understand,” Magus said, as he stared at Master Wilson.

“Of course you don’t. Nobody would have told you, that’s my job. I know I haven’t been around as much. But now that I’m here, I’ll help you understand who and what you are. I’ve been waiting for this day all month.”

Magus leaned away from Master Wilson as if he had a contagious disease. “What do you mean?”

“I was sent to befriend you, so I can help you understand the mysterious world of the Necromancer,” Master Wilson said with a huge smile plastered on his face. He took a sip of his black coffee keeping eye contact.

“The world of what?” Magus asked with a furrowed brow.

“Necromancer, it’s the only name we’ve come up with. We’re really not sure of what we are, but we know what we’re not.” Master Wilson looked around the busy bookstore and then leaned a little closer to Magus. “We know we’re not wizards, aliens or mutants, but we are different, yet… we are very similar to one another.” Picking up his newspaper, he whispered. “You’ll learn all about the history of the Necromancers at Avesta, but for now you need to understand the change that’s taking place.”

“The change… what change?” Magus rubbed the back of his neck as the stinging grew in intensity.

“Every Necromancer goes through a change on their thirteenth birthday, and for you, that day is today.” Master Wilson tapped the top of his newspaper that displayed the date in big, bold type in the top right corner. “By the time the sun sets on this day, you will feel vastly different from how you felt yesterday, because you will have come into your power.” He looked around the store again and then turned the page on his newspaper. “It takes a lot of time for the transformation to be complete, and that’s why this day is the longest day of the year.”

“You’re starting to freak me out,” Magus squeaked. I wonder if that’s why I’ve been seeing weird stuff all day.

As he stared at the old man, the noise in the store faded, except for the soft voice of Master Wilson, which amplified. Magus watched as his friend’s eyes glowed with excitement.

“Well, to start off with, you will be hot all day, and that has nothing to do with the weather. A Necromancer could live on the North Pole, but on his thirteenth birthday he’ll be drenched in sweat.”

Magus reached up and wiped another drop of perspiration that slowly trickled down the side of his face. I have been awfully hot today, but so has everyone else.

“That’s part of the physical transformation. Your senses will become keener, sounds will become clearer and it will seem that gravity has lost its hold over you.” Master Wilson leaned in close to Magus. “But the scary part is the voices that will fill your head. If you’re not expecting it, you might think you’ve gone a little insane. But, you’ll soon learn how to turn those voices off until you need them. Understand?”

They both sat in utter silence, staring at one another for several seconds without blinking, which to Magus felt like several minutes. Just as Magus’ eyes started to water, he saw it. Master Wilson’s blue eyes flinched.

A big grin spread across Magus’ face and he busted out laughing. “I think you’re absolutely nuts, but it makes for a great story, and you know how I love a good story.” Magus patted Master Wilson on the back. “You had me going for a minute there, Mister Wilson.

Magus pushed his empty plate, containing only a few crumbs back toward his old friend and slid off his stool. Backing away, he bumped into the square bin of discounted books. “I still can’t figure out how you knew it was my birthday, I must have somehow let it slip. I think I’ll go read the comics now, but good luck with your Necro… whatever you called them,” Magus said as he rounded the corner toward the comic books.

“That’s Master Wilson to you, and it’s Necromancers!” Master Wilson swished his newspaper in the air. “Go, read your comic books, I’m sure I’ll be seeing you soon enough.”

Orientation - Prologue - Snippet

Gabriel couldn’t stop staring at his mother. He wanted to memorize every little detail he could about her and lock those memories into the far reaches of his mind. He started to tear up again when his mother reached up and stroked his cheek. I’m afraid to close my eyes again, because when I open them, you might be gone.

“It’s alright, Gabriel. I’m not going anywhere just yet. I can’t promise you that I’ll be around for a long time, but I will make this solemn vow… I will finish this story before your thirteenth birthday, which is only eight days away.”

Gabriel narrowed his eyes. Did she just read my mind?

“This means more to me than anything in the world, and I’m not going anywhere until it’s complete. You can count on that.” Clutching a small silver unicorn choker that hung around her neck, Claire began her tale.

“Now… listen very carefully… because our story begins over forty years ago on one of the longest and hottest days of the year…."

Back to the One...

Well, it's that time again. I'm getting ready to jump back into this series. I've had a little break, completing two books - Milledgeville Misfit and Voyage to Magic Island - and now it's time to get back to the series that has stolen my heart, The Necromancers.

Over the next couple of months I will be going over Orientation and The Year of the Unicorn, doing some light editing, as well as refreshing my mind concerning story threads and plot lines. I know the overall plot, that's already sealed in my heart, but the sub-plots (which move the story from point A to point B) need to be remembered and readdressed. Then after that final run-through of yet another round of edits, I'll start with book three, The Year of the Griffin.

I really, really love this series. It's my heart. It's my baby. I love each of these characters as my own children. I love their personalities and their quirks. I love their sense of adventure and their fears. I'm proud to be their mother. I feel grateful that I was chosen to be the vessel to this wonderful tale. It's truly a labor of love. I've poured so much of myself into it, and I love every agonizing, hilarious and tandem moment. This is the ONE. I know it, with everything within me - this is the story that will define me. I'm honored to get to be a part of it. I can't wait to share it with the world.

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

Crazy4Smallville's Weekly Review 6:13 Crimson

I loved and I hated this episode at the same times. Which parts didn’t make me spit out my coffee or choke on my cookie, had me tearing my napkin in shreds. It was great and horrible at the same time.

I have to start with the Valentine’s theme. Its a few weeks early, but why not go ahead and remind everyone that it is coming up. Having Jimmy trying to set up Lois and Clark was priceless. It was perhaps the best scene in the whole episode. The way he maneuvered it, you saw what was coming a mile away, but I had a smile on my face the whole time. I even loved Chloe’s surprised look, but she handled it with style and grace. However, the look on Lois and Clark’s face - priceless. Then, of course, he had to go off and be a boob about it.

I’m thinking that the lady behind the love potion wasn’t your everyday herbalist, but more or less of the phantom kind. She knew a little too much about Clark for it to be so random. This person knew the Red-K effect, as well as the Green-K counter effect. While some will probably speculate that Lois was affected by Red-K, but I tend to think that our Phantom freak slipped her a little potion of another sort that caused her infatuation with Clark – knowing it would lead to Clark’s infection with Red-K. But, if that’s the case, what was the Phantom Freak after?

The Lois/Clark moments were hilarious. The tattoo, the leaping tall buildings in a single bound, the outing of Oliver, the almost couch romp, the stalking by Lois, the White-heart CD, the sleazy Lois outfits, the repeated ‘future’ implications… perfect!!! I enjoyed every little morsel they dropped. Kal-El seemed to act on those feelings that Clark tries to deny and keep suppressed.

I loved everything that Kal-El said to EVERYBODY. It was all stuff that has needed to be said for a long time. Will anyone listen to it? Who knows? You know it’s got to be eating Lex up, because I’m sure it’s what Lex thinks about more often than not. But, the part that I loved/hated was his remarks to Chloe. Does Clark resent her? He’s clearly attracted to her, he clearly trusts her and he clearly is her friend – however, when his inhibitions are lowered he is either ravishing her or putting her down. If I were Chloe, I’d be having one serious talk with Clark and I couldn’t give up. I’d treat it like a story I was working on – going after it like a rabid dog until I got the answers I was looking for.

Chloe/Jimmy – Poor Jimmy. It hard to watch the one you love, love someone else. However, he should be confident enough to know that Chloe also loves him. I HATE that Chloe once again got stomped on. She doesn’t get the guy… ever - even her own guy, because of Clark.

Also, why does she keep putting up with Lana’s abuse? Lana has never been a good friend of Chloe. She’s been judgmental and abusive to her since they first met. Yet, Chloe keeps putting up with her, why? I understood it at the beginning, because she knew how Clark felt about her. Why now? Lana is just using Chloe because she’s got nobody else and because she knows that Chloe knows Clark’s secret and she’s hoping she can get it out of Chloe.

I hated that Jimmy broke up with Chloe because of his insecurities. Once again, Chloe is the one left out in the rain. While Lois has a new flavor every month, Lana has them fighting over her, Chloe loses the only one she’s ever really had. I thought it was blondes that had more fun? Not in Smallville.

What was up with Mrs. Kent? Why was she at the engagement party? She’s not friends with Lex or Lana? She’s friends with Lionel, who wasn’t even there. Senator Kent wouldn’t want to be seen with Lex Luthor. Yet, there she sat knowing it would be something her son wouldn’t be comfortable with. If I were Clark, I’d of been questioning her motives too.

I loved the reference to Lana being the past, Lois being the future and Clark stating that he was in the present.

Now, for what I HATED in this episode.

I’m SICK, SICK, SICK, SICK of Clark’s obsession with Lana. It isn’t love, its outright obsession. Obsession is blinded to the consequences of affection. This story line is sooooo old and sooooo worn out. I’m tired of it. It really, really makes me want to quit watching this show. It degrades my hero and makes him Wimpman instead of Superman. It’s like he takes a few steps forward to become the hero he’s meant to be, but then when it comes to Lana he takes one of those super giant leaps backwards. Don’t’ TPTB know that it’s this sick obsession that’s killing the show??? Are they going to shove this CRAP down our throats every stinking year?

Also, what did Lex do to deserve Lana? She makes him go from being a Supervillian to Wimpy lap dog. Who needs Kryptonite when you’ve got Lana Lang? I know they needed to give her SOMETHING to do on the show, because she lost her usefulness by season 2, but this is getting a little ridiculous.

TPTB are making this whole show about Lana Lang, not Clark Kent. She’s becoming the catalyst in the rift between hero and villain – making everything about the woman between them. How can Clark save the world when he’s too busy obsessing over Lana? I thought she was the past? Why won’t they leave her in the past? Why can’t Clark move on? I’m sick to death of it. It ruined the whole night for me and left a really bad taste in my mouth. It hurts when your hero is made into the dumbest, weakest sucker in the world. It even hurt to see my villain as a boy toy, instead of the badass he’s supposed to be. Come on – would anyone really believe that Lex Luthor would just stand there and let some man walk out with his fiancé and not say or do anything? This isn’t Whitney, who I think would have tried to stop Clark; this is LEX LUTHOR. He reminded me tonight of the Hackman-Luthor, which I hate, instead of the Rosenbaum-Luthor that I’ve fallen in love with.

So, as you can see – this episode had some really, really good points and some really, really bad ones. It seems that Clark wasn’t the only one affected by the Red and Green K, but we all were.

Till next time,
Crazy4Smallville