It's been a really long time since I've been a giddy fan, overcome with excitement that the object of my admiration dared to defy the heavens and look upon me with a small hint of notice, as if their acknowledgement of my existence validated that existance. It's been a long time that I've walked around with my head held high, seeing myself as an equal, neither above nor below. When you do that... it puts a big chink the practice of being fan.
On the flip side, having published my first novel a few years ago, I've been trying to acclimate my mind into thinking the world hasn't fallen apart and people have become zombies... therefore resulting in me actually having fans of my own. No one in their right mind would follow me, or even be slightly impressed. I've always thought I was my biggest fan. To be quite honest, sometimes I don't like having to share such adoration with anyone else; I'm quite possessive of me. I've never been one to desire the practice of pleasing others, and quite often fail miserably at it. It's been a challenge allowing others (like I had any control over it) to covey their appreciation for the gifts and talents I've been given.
On the edges of that same coin, I'm surrounded by several people who have very healthy fan bases, yet they're just regular joe's to me... friends, children of, parents of, siblings of, members of, and very well connected or talented leaders of; I've sort of become numb to the whole idea and concept of being a fan or being the object of facination.
What a bleak and boring world that makes when everyone is on the same playing field. Greatness gets lost among the muck. True appreciation flitters in the wind without any direction.
I've learned lately that I can truly admire someone's gifts and talents without actually liking them. So, if it's true for me... then it must be true for everyone else. So, my zombie theory is rapidly desintergrating and I'm coming to appreciate my fans. I'm also getting a bit excited about returning to the practice and exercise of being a fan myself. It's time to pull the pins out of my hair and let it blow in the breeze, and give appreciation something to grasp onto.
So, I smile today... as a FAN. I received a tweet response from actor Paul Bettany, whose talent and humor I highly admire. I once again felt like that young girl in 3rd grade getting a letter from news anchor Glen Burns as a response to a class project, or at 13 getting to meet Duran Duran back in 1985, or when I received an autographed picture and letter from actor Michael Rosenbaum thanking me for my Smallville reviews in 2002, or meeting and giving a copy of my book to all 10 cast members of the Vampire Diaries last year, meeting actor Gil Gerard at the grocery store, or meeting and talking to best-selling authors like D.J. MacHale, Julie Kagawa, Cinda Chima Williams, Charlene Harris, Garth Nix, etc.
I'm constantly surrounded by great talent and even greater celebrity, and somewhere among all that greatness I lost my sense of fandom. So, I'd like to take this moment and let these great talented people know that I highly admire their work, their gifts and their talent. I might not like them all as people, but I'm a huge fan of their work.
