I Will Remember

As the moon travels through phases and the planets rotate through the universe, so too do all things in life continually change, time when things grow closer together, and then move farther apart.  Yet all are still part of the same universe.  Sometimes two objects that had been inseparable in a gravitational pull get jarred by an alien object and the two celestial bodies fall out of rotation and separate. I will remember.

I will remember falling in love on that picnic blanket and the way your arms felt wrapped about me.

I will remember the way your muscles moved as you rowed the kayak down the crystal-clear river.

I will remember your happy-food dance.

I will remember you riding a bike way too small just to spend time with me.

I will remember the long talks, the moonlit walks, and the smell of cigar and Yeager.

I will remember hands coming off the steering wheel on the ride home from the airport.

I will remember watching the clock, waiting anxiously for the breaks and lunches just to hear, “Hey, babe, what’s up?”

I will remember the song recommendations and the stories of what those lyrics meant to you.

I will remember your reaction when you took me to hunt for Pikachu.

I will remember the way you’d hold my face with your strong hands and stare me in the eyes, placing your forehead to mine.

I will remember jumping the curb.

I will remember you stealing that shaker.

I will remember how dogs love you.

I will remember the good mornings and good nights.

I will remember the sea turtles.

I will remember Ormand Beach, Rainbow, Wakieva, and Gennie Springs.

I will remember your beard, camouflaged shorts, superman shirts, and flip-flops.

I will remember your ‘dirty’ picture – all covered in paint.

I will remember your redneck imitations.

I will remember your horrible driving.

I will remember binge-watching Netflix, Walking Dead, Stranger Things, and Futurama.

I will remember your voice, your touch, your smell, and how I felt in your arms. 

I will remember what it was like opening my heart and letting you in.

I will remember the Fourth of July, my Birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.

I will remember all the pictures.

I will remember Amicalola Falls and Sweetwater Creek with you and the boys.

I will remember the fishin’ hole in Sebastian, the Inlet, and the beach.

I will remember how you stood by me for my first tattoo.

I will remember Orlando and our foodie tour, and how you carried a casted woman upon your back.

As I move farther away through the universe and feel your pull less and less, there are also some things I will choose to forget, like how it seemed in one day my whole world shifted and my sun just left.  My universe shook and you pushed me away, stopped answering my texts and ignoring my calls, and then disappeared behind your fortified walls. Did you even love me at all?  You promised that you’d never hurt me, yet you crushed my soul, ripped out my heart, and left me alone. But I will survive. I will go on. 

The moon is still changing and the stars realign.  I keep praying for heaven to send me a sign.  But of the love and the good memories and good times, those I will remember, for all of time.  I loved you then, I love you still, I will love you forever, no matter what universe we’re in.  Though the distance grows father and farther apart, you’ve aligned yourself with a different circle, and a different heart.  You’ve chosen to run with a different kind of crew, confirming how much we are through.  I will well, I wish peace, I wish you healing, I give you release.  I will remember.

~T.L. Gray