My Fourth of July Moment of Joy

Okay, while most of you were sitting on a beach, sipping on a cool drink, or having a cook out with your friends and family, my single butt spent Fourth of July sitting at home, playing on my Xbox, spending the day with my adopted family, fellow gaming clan members of Omega Victrix Mortalis. You know what? I had one of the best days I’ve had in a very, very, very long time.

Sometimes dating sucks, being single sucks, and watching the rest of the world go through the ‘family’ adventures (been there, done that, loved it, and got many tee-shirts) while you’re excluded sucks too. I’m divorced and my kids are grown – family activities are on hiatus. However, the freedom to do what I want, when I want, how I want, and with who I want is a pretty good payoff.

I had several date offers for the Fourth of July, but you know what, I didn’t want to spend my holiday with someone I barely knew. I wanted to be with family. While my natural family had other plans, some of my gamer family was online. I didn’t expect many of them to be there, since they all have families of their own, but several of them were. The mama in me wanted to yell at them to get off the game and go spend time with their families, the other part of me reasoned I wasn’t their mother, it wasn’t my job, and as their friend, decided I needed them too. I really love this group of guys and gals.

There was one moment my boys touched my heart so strongly I got choked up. I pretended my mike muted, so I could get off and go have a cry. Not sad tears, but happy ones. People come into your lives sometimes when you least expect it, and it seems they’re the right people at the right time. If you try to make things like that happen, it won’t work. You don’t see it coming together, but every once in a while you get a glimpse of the beauty of humanity.

So, what was this big moment that got me all choked up? Well… (Bear with me, I’m a writer and don’t know how to tell the simple story.) I just wanted to have a good time, and do what others would classify as a meaningless quest, and go ghost hunting for all the dead ghosts I’d previously missed in my Destiny game. There were 77 of them and I only had 51. The quest excited me, reminded me of the old Nancy Drew interactive computer games I used to play. I’d been grinding it out on Iron Banner and Prison of Elders for days and I didn’t want to do anything intense… just have a little fun. Of course, I didn’t want to do it alone, so I hopped into a party chat with some of my online clan members and friends. Well, two of my friends were having NAT issues (you guys really need to get that fixed) and couldn’t do party chat, so we found ourselves in a six-man fireteam and talking in game chat. That’s the maximum amount of people you can have in a fireteam to do POE, Raids, or Crucible. The problem … I didn’t need to do any of those and the maximum fire-team was three for a simple patrol. (Bungie – you really need to allow bigger fireteams in all areas of the game.) I didn’t want to break off into a team of three, because the six of us (Phoenix, Rev, Hi Power, Noizy, & Jallak) were having fun together discussing current events, politics, jokes, game strategies, weapons, armor, and life in general. So, while on Venus, we started the VOG Raid, but didn’t actually do it, but just stayed together in a fireteam of six as we explored the planet. Those guys spent the next hour or two with me helping me find my ghosts and just goofing off.

Those times just hanging out together, those are the best times. We work great together as a clan not just completing the tasks we need (Raids, Strikes, Missions, Quests, Crucible, Bounties, Farming, Trials (not me) and Prison of Elders), but also hanging out and having fun. I’m the player I am today because of them. Our clan isn’t about being the best player at the game, though the guys in my clan ARE some of the best players in this game, but it’s about sharing something we all enjoy while at the same time enjoying each other’s company.

These guys and gals are my family now. I care about each and every one of them. Some people just come on to play the game, and that’s all good and well. But, I play the game to be with my family, to not be so alone, to spend time with people that actually care about me. I may not have spent my Fourth of July drinking, partying, or cooking out with friends and family, or on an awkward date, nor did I see a single firework, but I had a very wonderful day surrounded by friends and family who love me and who I love very much… Oh, and I found all my ghosts.

I cried, because in that moment I realized I was a very lucky girl and I was genuinely happy.

Till next time,

~KV Kvothe

(btw – I pronounce my gamertag Kvothe as… Kah-voth-ee)

Beautiful Attitude

I'm so sleepy, I'm literally zoning in and out while I'm sitting at my desk. I've had my coffee... it wasn't enough. While I've accomplished a lot at work today, I've also been sluggish. But there's this thought... bits of a conversation from yesterday, that's been playing in the back of my mind and I'm going to share it here.

While playing Destiny with my gaming clan Omega Victrix Mortalis​, there was this young guy (early twenties) hopped into our fire team and game chat. He was someone a few of us had met before from a rival clan (gamer tag GasMasked (something like that) fka ToxicGhost). Not that this other clan is a rival, because really they're not, it's just one formed from former clan members where the the split wasn't amenable.

Anyway, he jumped into a fire team with me and my clan leader and we played through some missions and strikes. No big deal, everybody seemed to be getting along great and we were getting things done. Now, Gasbag (that's my new name for him) started talking about the male/female ratio at his college and how his chances of finding chicks to hook up with were in his favor. I didn't have any problem with what he was saying, but I simply made a statement that it wasn't really an accomplishment when there was an average of 20 females to each male, and many of girls being eliminated through the process of dismissing awkward geeks that aren't really in the gene pool or in the running for the guy's attention. I simply stated that it would be considered much more of a conquest if the odds were flipped... and there were 20 guys to each female. There would be more reason to puff out your chest and walk around with a little swagger.

He must have got offended. He made a few comments about ONLY hooking up with supermodel-looking girls (yeah.. all other college kids claim the same thing) and how he had standards. I'm assuming his standards are not in morality or personality, but in physical appearances only. So, he threw in that these potential hookups had to be highly intelligent. So, by his confession, he only hooks up (not date, fall in love or have a relationship with - which makes me wonder WHY they need to be smart? You don't have to be smart to have sex, especially with a dumbass... anyway, continuing) - with nerdy supermodels. Sure, I get it. That's every guy's fantasy. At least that's probably the most popular porn scenario.

Anyway, the day went on, he was supposed to go running (for 3 hours he kept saying he wanted to go run but never left), and other members of my online gaming clan joined our party and fire team. He seemed to have went quiet. Then, I leave the fire team to join two of my other friends in a particular mission and a few minutes later one of my clan mates tells me that when I left the party with this gasbag in it, he goes on a tirade saying that he couldn't stand me because of my attitude and how I acted like I was the most beautiful thing in the world, but he thought I was so ugly he wouldn't even fuck me with a bag over my head.

I laughed. My boys (about a dozen of my clan members ages 10-45 who were in the party with me when I was told what Gasbag had said) also laughed. It was funny. Perhaps I was supposed to cry? It's as if this little prick thought he had any chance in hell of ever hooking up with me, bag or no bag. But it did get me thinking... wondering what was it that really got him angry and caused him to lash out like that? Also, I'd like to say... if you're in a party chat and you want to cut someone down, it's not a good idea to do it in a group of people that like and are friends with the person you're cutting down. Just sayin'. This dude just got blocked by a dozen or so players. I'll never play with him again. He'd probably need a bag for that too.

First of all... I wasn't hitting on this kid. I was minding my business, hanging out with my friends, completing my missions, etc. He's the one that wanted to play and chat with me, or with us. What was he really angry about? Sure, I don't think I'm Megan Fox (the girl of his dreams and according to him all the girls he hooks up with look like her), but I seriously doubt I require a bag. To each his own. But, why did my 'ugliness' offend him so much. Then I thought about the first words of his rant... it wasn't about how I looked (that's how it finished), but it was about how he hated the way I ACTED, confident in myself that I was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but how I was sorely mistaken because he neither found me beautiful nor intelligent... not even fuck worthy with a bag over my head. It seems his intent was to attack my confidence and degrade my self-worth, but why? Of course his attempts failed because (perhaps due to his age) my confidence and self-worth doesn't come from what anyone else thinks of me, but from how I feel and think of myself. Another's scales are not mine; I have my own set.

This gasbag (I call him this because he's full of hot air) doesn't know me and it's clear that he had no intention of getting to know me. I don't care. But, what he did and the way he spoke about me (he said what he said behind my back, not to my face) is the way I see a lot of guys speak about a lot of girls, and vice versa. Why does one person feel the need to tear down another? I'm not talking about not speaking truths that may hurt, but are used to help a person grow in maturity and wisdom, but I'm talking about small talks that are aimed at destroying, hurting, demeaning with an intent to dehumanize and demoralized someone. Isn’t this world ugly enough already? Why not see the beauty in a person and lift them up instead? You don’t know what they might have been going through, what kind of hurts and pains they may have been carrying, what mountain’s they’ve had to climb to get where they are.

I seriously doubt this kid really objectifies women the way he did yesterday, at least I hope he doesn’t. I hope he finds a good woman that will love him and treat him with kindness, goodness, and generosity so he can see women are much more valuable than serving merely as a hookup. Some of us just want to be a friend. I didn’t know simply talking to a guy was an audition. Perhaps I’m just too old (another jab he took) and don’t give a shit. LOL!

Till next time,



~KV Kvothe

Specialties and Special People

Everyone has something they’re gifted at, but not all our gifts are blatantly obvious. Some of us rise to great heights and receive lots of acclaim and attention for our gifts, while others’ majesty is never seen by anyone, hidden among the thorns and roses.

Most of you know that I’ve become immersed into the world of Destiny (XBoxOne) and I’m learning some amazing things. Mostly, I’m meeting some really special people with lots of different specialties. I spend a lot of time there in awe at the playing skills of many of the guardians like this one soldier named SxProphet that blew my mind showing off as he completed a solo run of the Crota raid. Since meeting him, he’s done many things that have impressed me beyond measure. I have a great admiration for him, especially the way he leads his clan, I Am Leg3end. They work together in a way that I find simply amazing. Their communication is often silent, yet unquestioning. My heart swells every time I am given the honor of playing with them. I doubt they’ll ever know how much I admire them.

Speaking of clans, Omega Victrix Mortalis is growing by leaps and bounds with lots of new, exciting, and good-hearted Guardians. I admire every one of our members and I’m amazed at many of the things they can do. I am so proud of them and their accomplishments. When I play Crucible with them, I may hold the spot at the bottom of the leader boards, but my clan never fails to take the top three slots. NEVER. I’d bet real money on my boys. They’re really the best and not just because I know them and they’re in my clan, but they really are the best. I’d always bet on XxTrsXShotxX, iTz CriMSondxsk, Revertant Path, PhillyzPhin3st, Phoenix Mortalis, and Manny5173 in any match. EVERY TIME. However, stomping on their heels are gr3y ninja, CJBIGMACK, WARSHAC, UCindian, and KillaCam31787. I’ve only got glimpses of the game play of iTz CriMSon Jr, Deathstroke1997 and ShadowStormlV, but I have high hopes they’re going to give our top players some competition. Of course, KV Kvothe still holds the bottom slot on that leaderboard, but it’s alright… I call it practice, and Lord knows I need lots and lots and lots and lots of practice. Needless to say, Crucible isn’t one of my specialties.

One of the things I do specialize in is DETERMINATION. I may lose a lot, but I never give up. I especially never give up on my friends. Today I’m going to start putting together a raid team. This team isn’t going to be made up of only excellent and amazing raiders like SxProphet and his clan, or some of the other members of my clan like PhillyzPhin3st, but of ‘newbs’ like me who want to learn and isn’t afraid to fail a thousand times to get it right. I’m tired of going into raids and being referred to as the weakest link, not having the right weapons or armor, or as someone that needs to be protected, sheltered, left behind, or carried by other members of the Fireteam. It’s not fair to me or the other raiders. Everybody had to start somewhere. I’ve been in the raids now a few times, and every time it’s been with a different group that completed them in a different way. I’ve learned something valuable with every raid, especially the fact that there are a thousand ways it can be done, a thousand ways that it can’t be done, and a thousand different groups all trying to get it done. There are a lot of us that just need experience. To gain that experience, we need patient people who are willing to try, and try, and try, and try, and try again without getting upset, frustrated, or angry.

Understanding Patience - THAT’s my specialty. I’m a cheerleader, an encourager, and an exalter. I see the weaknesses and failures in others, but I focus on their strengths and their potential. My heart is to see them rise above their current situation or station and reach for the stars, because we all deserve stars. I’m not waiting on a break to come my way, I’m making one. My hope isn’t that this team only learns the skills to be great raiders, but perhaps learn a little bit of that understanding patience so they can be an inspiration for the next group of ‘newbs’ that comes along.

I’m really hoping that some of the expert Raider friends of mine will give my team a little bit of their time to help us, give us some advice, tips, stratagem, or pointers. But if they don’t (and I understand many of them have time restrictions and goals of their own to complete) we still won’t give up. We will just keep doing it again and again and again and again until WE are the expert Raiders.

As long as I’m needed in my team, I will be there. There is only one thing that could ever make me leave. We all have triggers in our lives that sends us running. For me – that trigger is being where I’m not wanted. I NEVER want to feel I’m a burden or a hindrance to anyone - ever. So, a little clue – if you ever want to get KV Kvothe to run for the hills, just make her feel unwanted or unwelcome. I love my clan, Omega Victrix Mortalis, because they make me feel loved, wanted, and a part of the family. They love me because I show them, I tell them, and I make them feel loved, wanted, and appreciated. This is my gift. This is my blessing. This is the part I play. Others lead in other ways – through skill, through knowledge, through their gaming abilities - I lead through compassion. I’m definitely not loved for my gaming skills, but I’m greatly loved by many for my heart.

Till next time,

~KV Kvothe