I Give It My Whole Heart... Now

I sometimes wonder how I make it through the day.  I don’t wonder as I’m going through the day, but in those quiet moments of reflection usually at the end of one or in the early mornings of a new one.  I try not to look too far ahead, because while some of those thoughts bring me great anticipation and excitement, others bring me moments of panic, worry and overwhelming anxiety.  I’ve been through too much to not fear the struggles that may lay ahead, because of the struggles I’ve already waded through, but I’ve also experienced some great adventures and anticipate with wonder.  The joy, the peace, or the real struggle is to try to stay as much in the present moment as possible.  This moment is more manageable. It is this moment where your decisions matter most. It’s in these moments that keep you on track of your goals and aspirations, or provide the detours that sends you on a different path.  At least that’s what I tell myself.

What’s in my present moment? What’s going on in my life and what can I do about it?

I’m currently working on a health & fitness program that includes a great workout regimen, a light diet plan, and building a lifestyle of active adventure.  So far, so good.  It’s a decision I have to make on a daily and weekly basis.  I can’t think or plan too far ahead, nor can I dwell on the past successes or mistakes.  I know what works for me, for my body, and for my mind.  My past success and failures help me make my current choices and also leads as a guide in my near-future decisions.  I give it my whole heart… now.

I’m currently in a romantic relationship that constantly makes me smile, makes me excited to get up in the morning, makes me feel at peace for my present, makes me feel loved, wanted and desired as I love, want and desire my man.  I don’t dwell on the relationships of the past. While those relationships sometimes pop up to remind me of both good and bad times, I don’t allow the memories to stay very long.  I also don’t try to plan and anticipate too far in the future.  Anticipation is the root to most of our disappointment. I’ve learned I can guarantee nothing. How can I make a promise that I have no power to actually fulfill? It doesn’t mean I don’t have a desire to see a life full of great moments, great love, and even greater adventure, because I do.  It’s one of my biggest hopes. However, I don’t PLAN it. I just appreciate what I have in this current block of time.  I reflect on how I feel and how the relationship affects me now.  I give it my whole heart… now.

I’m currently surrounded by a few great friends, and have recently made a few new friends.  I’m seeing the beauty of the human heart through some of the people that has come into my life the last few years.  For so long I saw the ugliness, judgement, and depravity of humanity, and many times my heart hurt and my mind fought to have hope.  There are beautiful, selfless, caring people in the world. I’ve had the pleasure to meet a few of them.  While I miss some of the friendships in the past, I’m learning to appreciate the friends in my present and open my heart to new friends.  I give it my whole heart… now.

 I’m writing again.  I have so many manuscripts I could work on, but I’m taking it one day at a time.  If I think of all that needs to be done, all that I’ve left behind, all that I’ve let slip away, or all that I want to do, then I will get too overwhelmed and run back into hiding. I don’t have the luxury to write full-time at this time in my life, and have to make time in my daily schedule for what I could do now.  It has to be a priority.  I have a wonderful job that I really enjoy that allows me to take care of my basic necessities, supports my independence.  It’s a job that ends at a certain time of day so that I am free to pursue those other goals in my life in the other 16 hours. I give it my whole heart… now.

So between my goals of health, fitness and living an adventurous lifestyle, enjoying a beautiful romance, surrounded by awesome friends, working at a good job, and fulfilling a great dream, my day is pretty full.  I don’t have the energy or the time to waste dwelling on a past I can’t change or worrying about a future I can’t control.  Today… I’m happy, I’m living in the moment, I’m in love, I am loved, and I’m excited. I give it my whole heart… now.

Till next time,

Princess of the Present