Body, Mind and Soul... Let's Go!

Well, it’s a new day and I’ve got a lot of things bubbling up inside and I’m ready to start working on them. Last night I went on a date, and I think that will be my last first date for a while. It really confirmed to me what I want in this life and that I no longer have the patience or tolerance for anything that will distract me from that goal. I had a pleasant time, but I couldn’t wait for the date to be over. I don’t want to play anymore. I don’t want to keep getting disappointed when others don’t or can’t meet my expectations. I didn’t quite realize what those expectations were until this weekend. They’re quite high. I’m tired of being hurt or let down. I’m tired of putting my heart out there, when others are unwilling to put their own. I’m a risk taker. I’m an adventurer. I’m not lazy in anything, and that includes love.

So, what’s on the agenda? Well, that included a LOT of things: I’m working on body, mind and spirit. I’m going to really sharpen my focus on my physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

Let’s start with the physical: I’m healthy and active. I’m not skinny, but I’m not obese. I work out so that I will be able to participate in the activities I enjoy. Being single I am WELL AWARE of how important the physical body is when it comes to attractiveness. I don’t have an issue with it. I personally would never date someone extremely obese because it’s unattractive, unhealthy, and detrimental to my own healthy lifestyle; however I think a few extra pounds on a man looks good, healthy, and not so vainly arrogant. I do have a stereotypical reaction to men who are what I call ‘gym rats’ and I know it’s not fair. I’ll stop thinking they’re overcompensating for either a lack of intelligence or penis size if they will actually try to see a woman beyond the first two layers of make-up and skin. Don’t get me wrong, I love being sexy, I love men being attracted to me, and inside a relationship I love to have lots and lots of sex (I mean, really a lot of sex). But, I don’t fall in love with someone based on their sexual appeal. I fall in love with souls, not faces. I have loved some really plain faces that had such beautiful souls. Anyway, my physical health is very important to me and it’s time I amp up my workouts and start focusing on setting and meeting some physical goals for myself. 

1.      Body Boarding – I got to experience it for the first time on Easter, and I love it. I want to do more and do it often. During the experience I realized I need to focus on my upper and lower body strength because trying to get passed the breakers required a lot of energy. It’s the hardest part of the whole process. So, now that it’s getting warmer, I’m planning on spending more time at the beach working on my upper and lower body strength, simply swimming passed those breakers. I also want to start working at the gym/home with strength conditioning – using weights, yoga, and workout routines centered on strength training. 

2.    Bike Riding – I plan on doing a lot more bike riding around my town. Not only is it great exercise, but you get to see and experience the world around you with an open view. I see so much more when I’m riding my bike. I feel so much freer. I’d love to have a riding partner, but I’m determined to go alone because riding my bike also gives me time to think. With my job and all the other things I’m doing, I really don’t have a lot of time to think anymore. Everything is rush, rush, rush, rush. I’ve sometimes considered getting a physical labor job, because when my hands are busy my mind is free, but then I think about the heat or the toilets and change my mind. Maybe with a little more bike riding I’ll be able to figure out the perfect job for me. 

3.    Swimming – Because I do live near the ocean and have daily access to a pool, I want to become a really strong swimmer again. I used to be one, even competed for a time, but these last few experiences have shown me that I’m not that strong of a swimmer any more. Also, swimming is great physical exercise. So, I plan on doing a lot more swimming. Also, being in the water is really helping this white girl get a beautiful golden tan. I just hope I don’t get that dark leathery skin that makes you look old. I look so much younger than I am because of my porcelain skin. 

So my new workout routine will involve:

·         Monday – Friday: Early Morning Yoga, Afternoons - 500 Stairs, 30-min swimming, 3 miles on the treadmill, and strength training on the machines – targeting legs and arms. (12,000 min on FitBit)

·         Saturdays: Bike Ride & Beach

·         Sundays: Lazy Day – Off (Video Games/Writing/Binge-watching)

My new diet will include:

·         M-F Mornings: Grapefruit/Cheese/Coffee/Water

·         M-F Mid-Morning Snack: String Cheese/Trail Mix

·         M-F Lunch: Smart Ones – 3 Cheese Ziti & Water

·         M-F Late-Afternoon Snack: Cottage Doubles/Pineapple

·         M-F Dinner: Lean Meat/Green Vegetable/Starch/Tea (Less than 1000 cal)

·         NO EVENING SNACKS

·         Weekend Morning: Bagel w/cream cheese, bacon

·         Weekend Lunch: FREE – whatever I want

·         Weekend Dinner: FREE – whatever I want

I’ll blog tomorrow about my mind and my soul. 

Until next time,

~T.L. Gray

I Give It My Whole Heart... Now

I sometimes wonder how I make it through the day.  I don’t wonder as I’m going through the day, but in those quiet moments of reflection usually at the end of one or in the early mornings of a new one.  I try not to look too far ahead, because while some of those thoughts bring me great anticipation and excitement, others bring me moments of panic, worry and overwhelming anxiety.  I’ve been through too much to not fear the struggles that may lay ahead, because of the struggles I’ve already waded through, but I’ve also experienced some great adventures and anticipate with wonder.  The joy, the peace, or the real struggle is to try to stay as much in the present moment as possible.  This moment is more manageable. It is this moment where your decisions matter most. It’s in these moments that keep you on track of your goals and aspirations, or provide the detours that sends you on a different path.  At least that’s what I tell myself.

What’s in my present moment? What’s going on in my life and what can I do about it?

I’m currently working on a health & fitness program that includes a great workout regimen, a light diet plan, and building a lifestyle of active adventure.  So far, so good.  It’s a decision I have to make on a daily and weekly basis.  I can’t think or plan too far ahead, nor can I dwell on the past successes or mistakes.  I know what works for me, for my body, and for my mind.  My past success and failures help me make my current choices and also leads as a guide in my near-future decisions.  I give it my whole heart… now.

I’m currently in a romantic relationship that constantly makes me smile, makes me excited to get up in the morning, makes me feel at peace for my present, makes me feel loved, wanted and desired as I love, want and desire my man.  I don’t dwell on the relationships of the past. While those relationships sometimes pop up to remind me of both good and bad times, I don’t allow the memories to stay very long.  I also don’t try to plan and anticipate too far in the future.  Anticipation is the root to most of our disappointment. I’ve learned I can guarantee nothing. How can I make a promise that I have no power to actually fulfill? It doesn’t mean I don’t have a desire to see a life full of great moments, great love, and even greater adventure, because I do.  It’s one of my biggest hopes. However, I don’t PLAN it. I just appreciate what I have in this current block of time.  I reflect on how I feel and how the relationship affects me now.  I give it my whole heart… now.

I’m currently surrounded by a few great friends, and have recently made a few new friends.  I’m seeing the beauty of the human heart through some of the people that has come into my life the last few years.  For so long I saw the ugliness, judgement, and depravity of humanity, and many times my heart hurt and my mind fought to have hope.  There are beautiful, selfless, caring people in the world. I’ve had the pleasure to meet a few of them.  While I miss some of the friendships in the past, I’m learning to appreciate the friends in my present and open my heart to new friends.  I give it my whole heart… now.

 I’m writing again.  I have so many manuscripts I could work on, but I’m taking it one day at a time.  If I think of all that needs to be done, all that I’ve left behind, all that I’ve let slip away, or all that I want to do, then I will get too overwhelmed and run back into hiding. I don’t have the luxury to write full-time at this time in my life, and have to make time in my daily schedule for what I could do now.  It has to be a priority.  I have a wonderful job that I really enjoy that allows me to take care of my basic necessities, supports my independence.  It’s a job that ends at a certain time of day so that I am free to pursue those other goals in my life in the other 16 hours. I give it my whole heart… now.

So between my goals of health, fitness and living an adventurous lifestyle, enjoying a beautiful romance, surrounded by awesome friends, working at a good job, and fulfilling a great dream, my day is pretty full.  I don’t have the energy or the time to waste dwelling on a past I can’t change or worrying about a future I can’t control.  Today… I’m happy, I’m living in the moment, I’m in love, I am loved, and I’m excited. I give it my whole heart… now.

Till next time,

Princess of the Present

My Livin’ Out Loud Formula - Healthy Eating

Many of you have followed me for years and have witnessed my journey into health and fitness.  Some of you are just cyberly meeting me for the first time. For those of you who don’t know me, you don’t know that I’m not the same person I was a few years ago… I’m a new person in body, mind, soul and spirit.  I’ve entered a new phase in my life, one that was a very hard change, a dramatic change, but a good change.  There have been a lot of mountains I’ve had to climb, and along the way so far I’ve done some very amazing things at I’ve crested some of those mountains, and have also found myself tumbled, tossed, and on my face at the bottom of others. But in all of them, I’ve been livin’ out loud as evidenced here on this blog; my high points and my low ones.

This morning I’m going to focus on health and fitness.  I’ve spent a lot of blogs on spiritual and emotional issues.  Health and fitness is very much spiritual and emotional, but I want to focus on the physical aspect today.  I’ve once again brought my focus back to my health.  I haven’t been ignoring my weight goals, I’ve just had the majority of my focus in other areas that needed more attention.  But, it’s that time again to bring back balance to my health and fitness aspect of this loud life. 

Balance is key to everything. I mean everything.  But today I’m going to focus on balance in diet and exercise.  I really hate the word diet, because I really don’t diet.  I have an eating lifestyle that works for my body.  I will admit I haven’t been faithful to my eating lifestyle because of many factors over the past 8-9 months because I’ve moved to another state, moved in with my best friend, and the many changes have just got me off schedule.  Yet, I’m getting back on schedule and slamming those ‘easy’ temptations out of my way.  It’s not about saying ‘no’ to the bad things, the foods that don’t work for your body, but about making sure your ‘yes’ are readily available so that your choice isn’t ‘no’ with no alternative. You should never forgo eating, exercising, or being active without a choice to make or else that’s just depravation and depravation leads to binge eating, failing at establishing a routine because you don’t see any physical results, and discouragement.  ALWAYS have a choice to make.  If you have fresh fruit readily available, it’s easier to forgo the donuts, especially when you remind yourself of the hard work you’ve done that week.  But, it’s almost impossible to forgo the donut if that’s the only thing quickly available. 

90% of the battle to eat healthy and be active is a mind game.  10% is determination.

Here are few tips to help you make those healthy decisions:

Ø  Use small dishes.  Get rid of your big bowls, big plates, big glasses.  Use salad plates as dinner plates, use small glasses (unless you’re drinking water – then it’s best to use a water bottle), and cook with small pots and pans.  You will be amazed at how much you will feel full when your small plate is full, yet in the RIGHT portion.  Portion is key.  Portion is balance.  90% of our bad eating habits isn’t always about WHAT we eat, but how much we eat.  If you can teach yourself how to eat the right portion, you can pretty much eat anything you want, because you won’t be overeating.

Ø  If you eat out, before you get your meal go ahead and ask for a ‘to go’ box and when your meal is served, go ahead and box up half or ¾ of the meal, and spread out the rest and then relax and enjoy what’s left on your plate.  Many times we keep eating what’s in front of us after we’ve reached that ‘full’ sensation in our bodies because it’s there and our minds are conditioned to clean our plates.  This leads to overeating and becoming unbalanced.  But if you do this simple step, you won’t have to ‘diet’ eating out, you just do it smart.

Ø  Select foods that work with your body.  Some of us are blessed with high metabolisms and can be more free with what we eat, while others have to be very selective because of slow metabolisms and be more selective.  Smart eating, knowing your body… truly knowing your body – not lying to yourself, will lead to more success in your journey to health and fitness.  Discover which foods help you, energize you, inspire you and work FOR you.  Learn to listen to your body and it’ll tell you want it needs – iron, protein, vitamins and energy.

Well, that’s all I have for you today.  I’ll try to touch base on some of the exercise tips next.  Just remember this if you take anything from this post today.  Your body is yours.  Don’t try to change your body to make anyone else happy, the world happy, or in order to feel beautiful.  Love yourself enough to want you to be the best you… for you.  Be the best, healthiest, most active, and happiest you… for YOU.  You are worth it.  It’s not about what size you are, how much you weigh, or how you look in a bikini.  Being healthy and happy is about lighting this inner radiance that can’t help but shine through you.  It’s about your essence, your Chi, and when this is in balance, beauty resonates within you and from you. 

Till next time,

Balanced Beauty

Make It Work

I’m not an expert at anything I do. But, when I put my mind to do something, I do it to the best of my ability, and a lot of times it turns out pretty good. I make it work. I’m not afraid of hard work, because it’s always hard work. I don’t want anyone to think that all of the things I’ve accomplished in my life were easy or just fell into my lap. On the contrary, each one of them often pushed me to a breaking point before I finally saw a result I could live with. It doesn’t help I’m a perfectionist, but that’s just how the cookie crumbled.

I don’t want the struggle to be hard for you, too, but before you decide to do anything , you need to settle in your mind that some things are just going to be hard. You’re going to have to be determined to do whatever it takes to make it work. THIS is really the single most powerful element that separates winners from losers, from those who succeed and those who fail. Successful winners never give up. That’s not saying you can bitch, whine, gripe or pitch fits – by all means have at it. But, if we only accomplished the easy stuff in our lives, we’d really be pathetic people. I’ll let you think about that for a while.

While there are so many subjects I could tackle, because I’m a multi-talented diva, I’m going to stick to health and fitness for the time being. I want to give a few little tips, a few guidelines, that I use in my daily battle. These things really work. I challenge you to give them a try – for one week or one month – I promise that if you’re faithful to them (there are no short cuts) you’ll see a difference almost immediately.

Grocery Shopping/Healthy Eating –

· Clean house. Go through your refrigeration, cabinet, and pantry and get rid of everything that is processed, canned, boxed, or bagged that isn’t an ingredient meant to cook with (flour, sugar, spices, rice, dry beans, etc). Get rid of the temptation. Learn to love natural food – not manufactured. You be the creator, the manufacturer, the chef.

o Think about this: (Tip #1) if there’s a preservative in it, it’s meant to stick around, and it’s designed to do just that… stick around in your arteries, on your hips, in your heart valves, etc.

· Shop on the outside lanes of the grocery store. Avoid (other than cooking supplies like cooking oil, flour, sugar, spices, etc).

o (Tip #2) If you divided your weekly/monthly groceries into outside lanes vs. inside lanes - the ratio should be 80/20 in favor of outside lanes.. and that 20% of inside lanes should mostly be for cooking ingredients.

o The outside lanes usually consists of Bread, Produce, Seafood, Meat, Dairy, Wine/Alchohol, etc. Most of everything you need for healthy eating can be found in these sections – and yes… a glass of wine with dinner is a great ingredient – it’s good to cook with as well.

o (Tip #3) If you can, avoid the Bakery altogether. Don’t eat a lot of breads, and when you do try to make your own – breads, pastries, sweets, etc. That way you can still enjoy them without all the preservatives the manufacturers adds to them so they ship and last on the shelf. But, moderation is key. Try to get only ONE bakery item a week/month.

o (Tip #4) Stay away from the canned foods, boxed foods, prepared meals and frozen sections. All (even the diet foods) are filled with carbohydrates and preservatives. Remember: Preservatives… preserve – and our goal is to lose, to burn, to use up. Can foods, even canned vegetables, usually have a preservative in them (purposed to preserve for a long shelf life).

· Cook with fresh fruits, proteins, and vegetables. The more fresh an item, the better it is because it’s still rich in nutrients and vitamins. Also, the taste is better.

o (Tip #4) If you MOSTLY cook using fresh fruits and vegetables, you can use the real stuff that tastes good in your preparations– like real butter, real sugar, fatty meats (though try to use leaner meats), salt, etc.

o More people would eat healthier foods if they tasted good. Most health nuts have went to extremes and cut out everything good so that the food is bland and tasteless. Guess how long you’re going to continue eating bland food? The first time you pass a pizza parlor or burger joint.. and you’re done for. But, if you build a lifestyle of eating fresh fruits, vegetables and lean meats, you make them taste great – the little ‘flavorful’ things you do are small compared to the amount of healthy stuff you do – and you win in the long run – because you won’t STOP eating the healthier, tastier food. Use bacon grease, salted butter, salt, real cheese, etc… if it makes you like broccoli/peas/Brussel sprouts/ asparagus/cauliflower/ snap peas/pole beans/peppers/etc.

o Food should make your mouth smile and make you sigh with enjoyment, not be a chore. Just think with rational common sense – and operate in moderation. Unless you have allergies, don’t ever say “NO”. Research your ingredient and figure out how to use it in a smart, sensible way.

· Watch your portion size. Get rid of your big plates, bowls and platters. ONLY use small dishes, even utensils. If you can, use chopsticks. It doesn’t have to only be when you enjoy Asian-inspired dishes. The key is to slowly eat small portions. Do whatever it takes to moderate your portions size.

o It’s a mind game. When you think there’s hardly any food on your plate and you woof it down in two or three bites without taking a breath – YOU’RE STILL GOING TO BE HUNGRY. Slow down, talk at the table (that always helps me).. if you’re alone (which I am most of the time) read something, text with your friends online, or Skype with someone while you’re having dinner – and TAKE YOUR TIME.

o (Tip #5) Set your table, even if you’re eating for one. Plate your food, make it a pretty display. Sit down at your table (not your couch) and use your utensils, make a pretty display, use a cloth napkin, and show your dinner respect. (It’s a mind game, remember). Sitting down at a set table (or a single place setting) tells the mind that it’s time to have dinner. Then CHOOSE to take your time, take small bites, really chew your food. Think about the tastes, the flavors, the smells, the colors, the textures. Really take the time to smell, taste and see your food. You’re going to have to make it a habit… but after a week or so – you’ll start to love your food – instead of just using it to feed your body or emotions.

That’s it for today. Have fun. Enjoy your food. Be smart about what you eat. Learn to be in control and love it – not resent it for the way you abuse it. Think about that – food isn’t the enemy – how you use and treat is your biggest obstacle. Food doesn’t jump down your throat… you open your mouth and insert. Now take charge. Be the master of your temple, of your wants, of your desires, and of your discipline.

Till next time,

~Friend and Lover of Food

Stay Beautiful

When my drill sergeant friend shouts to his privates their bodies are temples and they should respect and treat them with the utmost respect as he pushes them to become ‘all they can be’, I’m reminded of all the years I sat in the church pew and heard the same words.  “Do you not know your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit?  Honor God with your body.”

The emphasis of obedience was placed on clean living and service mostly centered on attitudes and actions refraining from those moral sins such as fornication, adultery, debauchery, gossip, etc.  Yet I was slowly killing myself.  I hated my temple.  I didn’t respect it.  I neglected it. I abused it.  We, the faithful, were to deny ourselves, to not think of our wants, that our lives were not our own, to take the focus off our selves and put it on our dedicated service.  So I sat in those pews week after week convinced I respected my body because I was righteous by keeping it pure and holy. I wasn’t having sex and spent ALL my spare time in duty, responsibility, prayer, church, or volunteer services, living a selfless life, fulfilling the needs of others. Feeling completely unloved, unwanted, and unworthy.  I could never do enough, be obedient enough, be faithful enough, and I literally ate my guilt and shame day after day, week after week.   I lied to myself a lot throughout my life.  I’m pretty sure I’m still lying to myself on some other issue I have yet to deal.

This is not a slap against the church or religion.  This was my own failure.  However, I do believe that MANY in the church should address the obesity and gluttony problem.  Our bodies are temples and the neglect of them is just as bad as if we neglected one of our children.  Yet, we attend Sunday pot lucks and eat out at restaurants and fast food so much, we put ourselves into a food comas, with huge smiles on our faces, neglecting regulation and the responsibilities to our bodies.  We’d never consider that sort of neglect equal to abuse.  I remember being in prayer once and heard the question in my mind, “Would you stand by and watch one of your children slowly kill themselves or would you do whatever it took to stop them?  Would you risk their anger to save their life? ”  My answer was an instant , “YES!”  Then the soft , yet million-pound question followed, “Why then do you neglect and slowly kill yourself?  You do realize you’re dying, right?  You do realize you’re neglecting and abusing yourself? Imagine how much you love your children, do you think God loves you even less?”

I had to face the truth that I was killing myself, that I was an abuser – not of others, but of myself.  I could have went one of two ways in that moment.  I could have allowed that guilt to push me further into the ground and finish me, or I could lift my head  and allow life to enter into my dead bones. There was a spark, a small ember of hope.  That hope was love.  I finally faced that mangled, ugly, dirty, neglected, angry, sad little girl inside me – and I embraced her and I dared to love her.  Loving her didn’t make everything okay.  In fact, it interrupted the life I had built for myself, and with a vengeance, I smashed down those walls.  Then I started to build a new temple… one of life, of health, of peace, and of love.  Just as I’d protect my children from those who would harm them, I too am learning to protect myself.  I love my temple.

Protecting myself is to protect my mind, body and soul.  I don’t go where temptation will pull me away or sabotage my goals.  I’ve learned to tell myself, “NO”.  I’ve learned to do whatever it takes to move forward, to push myself, to motivate myself, to train myself, and to protect myself.  Those who knew me a few years ago wouldn’t even recognize me today – physically, emotionally, or spiritually. To many of them, I’m a disappointment, a failure, a lost sheep among the wolves.  To me – I’m beautiful – and I’m not talking about my outside appearance.  I love that little girl, and she’s now healthy, strong, and positive …and I will do whatever it takes to keep her that way.

So, to the defeatist attitude, the one that made the millions of excuses not to diet and exercise and take care of my temple,  the one that used to rule, neglect, and abuse me in my old temple, I say, "I’m not that weak abused little girl anymore."  From the lyrics of my new favorite song… I also say, “Just look at me …I’m a leader. I’m a winner, and I’m cleaner, ‘cause I’m awesome. I don’t need you, ‘cause I’m neato, and I beat you, ‘cause I’m awesome. That’s right!”

Till next time,

Inner Badass

New Things, New Friends, New Lease on Life

I can't stress enough how important it is to do and introduce new things into our lives. We humans are creatures of habit and it really takes a conscious effort to make changes and adjustments. It's in our nature to fight against them. We balk, rebuke, and put up thick walls to keep some semblance of an order to things. We select our favorites - foods, pastimes, hobbies, restaurants, music, books, activities, friends, vacation spots, and so on and so forth, and in doing so create daily habits. Depending on those habits, we then wonder why our lives have become stagnant and boring, why our bodies are unhealthy or unfit, or why our dreams continually remain in the dream phase and never turn into actualities. If you can't see these patterns in your life, record them in a daily log - write down all of your interactions (activities, food, thoughts, and recreation) throughout the day for a full month. Then review. You will be surprised at what you actually do, compared to what you think you do.

Most of us don't make decisions toward changes on our own, but are forced through circumstances beyond our control. This is reactionary and perhaps the largest cause of stress and anxiety in our lives. NO ONE likes to be forced to do anything. God doesn't even force His will upon us, but gives us free choice. However, every choice we make has a consequence attached to it. Those we don't like either.

I yo-yo dieted, joined gym after gym, spent tons of money on diet pills and quick weight loss solutions, writing programs, self-help books, motivational materials, and thousands of other 'temporary' fixes hoping to make some change in my life - without actually changing my life. I couldn't see where I was failing. I blamed the diet, the program, the doctors, the hormones, the job, the family, and my own lack of self-esteem or control. Without realizing it, I came to think of myself as weak and a failure and had no desire or will to fight anymore because no matter what I did, I couldn't win. It wasn't until I took inventory and actually logged my diet, my actions, and my choices on a daily basis - and was able to see the 'truth' of the matter, before I could take action. I had deceived myself, thinking I was giving it a good go, but when I looked at the facts in black ink I realized I was a liar, and had lied to myself almost on a daily basis. Once I saw the truth - I couldn't believe the lie anymore and knew I had to make a change.

Over the last couple of years, I've made a LOT of decisions, not just about health and fitness, but about every area in my life. I realized I neglected myself as a woman and as a person. I quit waiting for the magical solution - for SOMETHING to happen that would change my life - and realized that "I" was the change that needed to happen. I needed to love myself enough to believe I deserved better, I deserved to be healthy, I deserved to be active, I deserved to be beautiful, I deserved to loved, I deserved to wanted, I deserved to be desired, I deserved to be successful, I deserved to be respected, I deserved to published, I deserved to be friendly, I deserved to travel, I deserved to explore, I deserved to dream, and most of all... I deserved to be happy.

Once I believed it, I started making changes. I started cutting out old things, people, and habits that held me back or pressed me down and introduced "new" into my life almost on a daily basis. I QUIT all the habits I had before and started creating new ones. I regularly keep a journal of those activities, because as soon as they become habits I will introduce new things to mix them up. I don't diet - I changed the way I eat, why I eat, what I eat, and the how I eat. I didn't join a gym, I changed the way I viewed exercise, why I exercise, and how I exercise. I changed a lot of my friends - left those who judged, were negative, who only showed support with their lips but not their actions and surrounded myself with people who encourage me, tell me what I need to hear, and believe in me and my success.

This isn't a 10-step temporary program - this is a life change. It has to start on the inside. I quit trying to make my outside control how I felt on the inside and focused on healing the inside (how I felt about myself) and the outside has slowly changed to match the gigantic changes within. I've lost nearly 100 lbs and a 100 friends, I can now jog a mile without wanting to die, I look great, I feel great, I'm writing more, I'm happier, and I've been on more adventures in the past year than the last 20 combined. I'm a completely new and different person. I still have things to work out. My life isn't perfect. I still have struggles and fears and failures. I still have worries and concerns. I still have needs and wants. But on most days, I don't allow those things to beat me down. I embrace the changes, I look forward to the new ...new things, new friends, and a new lease on life.

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

The Lessons I Learned

Stepping out of my warm apartment this morning, ready to tackle another mile run in a fight to keep my body healthy, I groaned when I met dreary overcast skies and strong artic winds.  Where was my sunshine? After a shiver as the cold blasted me in the face, I stuck the buds in my ears, hit the play button on my iPod, and took off. 

It was a very difficult run this morning.  The winds were so strong I literally had to bend my head down and push hard just to get any forward motion.  Being really short, I already struggle with my speed.  It takes more of my short steps to reach the same distance as a taller person in the same amount of time.  When I’m running against 28mph wind gusts in 32 chilly degrees, I don’t get very far, very fast.  Needless to say, though I’m working twice as hard, I didn’t make any gains on my running goals.  I hate not making my goals.

As I ran and glanced into gray clouds, and watched swarms of leaves cascade across the ground in mighty waves, I wondered how many more days will be like this. I heard no answer.   I pushed forward with my lungs burning and my muscles aching and wondered how much longer I have to keep fighting.  The answer came instantly - always.  The fight never ends. So, I pushed a little harder and wondered what lesson I was supposed to have learned from all this adversity.  That I can take a good beating?  Guess what? I learned that lesson a long time ago.  That I can live in a world unloved and unwanted?  I’ve learned that lesson too.  That nothing is guaranteed, nothing is secure, nothing is forever?  Check, check, check. 

Well, by this time, warm tears spilled out of my eyes and turned ice cold before they reached my cheeks.  I looked up into those gray swirling clouds and inside my mind, above the noise of the music and beyond the buzz of the universe, my soul screamed, “I know that a sun sits above those clouds. I know behind this angry arctic blast is a warm whisper in the wind.  No matter how hard adversity comes against me, or how long reprieve remains silent, I will still hope, I will still believe, I will still fight, and I will still love.  And if I’m still here when the wind stops and the clouds part, I will be standing with my head held high. Do your worst.  Destroy me if you must. I will not give up.”

So, what lesson did I learn on my chilly run this morning? I’m stubborn, perhaps a big fool, and quite lonely.  It’s not good to be isolated in your own mind all the time.  I’m beginning to understand why friends are so important - they provide an opportunity to take the focus off ourselves for a few moments.  I also learned to take a jacket and wear a pair of gloves.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Healthy Art

Healthy eating doesn't have to revolve around specialty diets, calorie counting and earning points. Those are all good and I couldn't have changed my culinary lifestyle had it not been for all those years of learning, acknowledging, and discovering the nutritional (non-nutritional) value of the foods I consumed. I spent most of my adult life yo-yo dieting, not understanding where I kept failing. I tried so hard to apply a healthy menu to a unhealthy mindset and the two just didn't get along. When my resolve broke down, my patience wore out, and my taste buds revolted, like an addict (because I had yet to change my mindset) I reverted back to what was comfortable, what was familiar, and alas - what was detrimental to my health and fitness. Feeling like a failure is our biggest adversary in the battle for our health. I developed a love/hate relationship with food.

I am still on my journey and will never fully achieve my ultimate health goal, because I understand now that this battle isn't a temporary fight, but a livelong adventure. I had to switch gears and begin to look at the whole picture with new eyes, new understanding, and a new perspective. I stopped setting goals for myself and threw out all my diet plans and started from scratch. I took an inventory and made a list of what were 'healthy' foods and what were 'trigger foods' that led to my temptation to over-indulge, binge, or consume to feed my emotions. I did not make a list of “good” or “bad” foods, because I'm beginning to understand there really aren't good or bad foods, just good or bad preparations and portions of the foods we eat.

I stopped seeing food as the enemy. “I” was the enemy. How I ate, prepared, and used food led to my unhealthy eating practices. So, I made an honest assessment of how I used and reacted to food, and those were the things I changed. Then I started dating food, looking at it with new eyes, seeing it's possibilities, understanding it's function, and then allowing my creativity to take over, thinking of ways how I can turn it into something beautiful, artistic, and fun . I experiment with color, texture, and flavor. Other than a few dietary allergies, there's now NOTHING I can't have or can't use to make a good meal. 

I don't diet – I create healthy art, and I love every delicious morsel.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

The Fit Life Transformation

Post by The Fit Life.

I know I already posted for the day, but when I saw this video, I knew I had to post it.
This is amazing.

Please take just a few moments and watch this.  You won't be sorry. Make sure you grab the tissues first.

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

Detours, Assessments, and Adjustments of Goals and Dreams

I can't express how important it is to keep our goals and dreams in front of us.  Life has a way of coming in and disrupting our plans, getting our feet off our chosen paths, and throwing in twists, turns, roadblocks, detours, and obstacles.  That's normal.  Being human means being able to adapt and adjust to the situations and circumstances that come at us.  But if we are ever to fulfill our dreams and goals, we must continually be reminded of them, keep them posted in front of us, keep them shining like the North Star to be used as our guiding point and our compass. We need to constantly remind ourselves what we want to achieve, accomplish and experience in this life, assess our actions, adjust our options, and make necessary decisions.

Yes, we can and will experience all those unexpected and unplanned things, and many of them will be wonderful, will enrich our lives, and will change our directions.  Sometimes, its okay to shift and adapt - we become better for it.  The key is to be in control of those changes so that we don't lose the goals and dreams we set for ourselves.  This is the only way to not to be filled with a lot of regret because of forgotten, lost, and unfulfilled dreams.

Take a few moments today and remember your dreams, write down your goals, repeat them to yourself.  Take an assessment, look at your North Star,  and then determine if you need a readjustment to get you back on your chosen path or  if you need to select a new one. 

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray



Here is an updated status report and reminder to myself concerning my 2014 resolutions:

1. No more grieving. (I've had a moment or two, but for the most part, I've been smiling, hopeful and looking forward to the future. I'm happy.  I'm really happy.)
2. Fitness: Run a 5k (no walking), lose 50 more lbs, and get more fit.  (I've scheduled (5) five runs and will start back running/jogging on Monday - needed to heal from a sprain and sickness.  Joined three fitness challenges (Get Healthy West Georgia, Times-Georgian - Get Fit, and the 30-Day Arm Challenge), started a hula-hoop, sit-up, stair, and salsa-dancing routine.  So far I've officially lost 4.5 lbs  - 45.5 more to go.)
3. Go on a real romantic date. (Still working on this one.  Got close - actually planned one. Maybe soon I will make it a reality. It's still early, and I've got plenty of time.)
4. Take a vacation to one of my dream spots . (Making plans for a road trip in a smokin' hot Mustang convertible with a girlfriend in late June: Chicago to GreenBay and throughout parts of the Great Lakes.)
5. Finish one of my novels (completed and edited). (Started editing Hunter & Chase and wrote my first Character Blog post. Need to refocus and get busy.)
6. Sign and promote at least (5) five new authors with North Star. (Got several queries and submissions to weed through.)
7. Save at least ¼ of the money I need to move to the PNW. ($200 in the pot.)
8. Climb and descend the 605 steps at Amicalola Falls. (YES... DONE, DONE, DONE!!!!)
9. Hike at least 50 miles of the Appalachian Trial (not at the same time.) (7.5 miles completed, 42.5  miles left to go.)
10. Go White Water Rafting - (Tentative trip planned in late July. Maybe I can combine this with the date.)