If
you’re in my life and I like you, well, simply I like you. If I do like you, I
like you just like you are, just like I discovered you, for who you are. Well,
for the most part. We are ever-evolving souls, moving from one stasis to
another, morphing from one state of being into another, going from caterpillar
to butterfly, and carcass to maggots. I’m
an optimistic in hopes that those changes are for the better towards
progression, but I am completely aware we are all capable of the worse towards
regression. I’ve been there a few times. I’m human, and so are you. Be Yourself.
I
think my biggest battle is setting my expectations of someone on my ideals of
who I want them to be and imagine them to be, instead of who they truly are, because
again – I’m an optimist and hopeless romantic. But don’t mistake my romanticism
for a lack of the ability to acknowledge realism. I do see the flowers on side of the road -
but I also see the potholes, the dying bees, the faded lines, and the
carbon-footprint.
Some
people are perfectly imperfect and have become inspirations for me and I
unapologetically love them for it. Some people have disappointed me, not
because they couldn’t be perfect, but because they didn’t strive for it. I’m
going to be myself. And who I am is someone who strives to succeed, who strives
to be perfect, one who understands how to take their failures and learn from
them, who never quits, who never gives up, and who loves with their whole
heart. I speak truth, even if it hurts. I
respect truth, even if it hurts.
Deception
and lies hurt – the person telling them and the person being told them. I don’t
want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to deceive anyone. I want to love people for
who they are inside and out. I want to
be proud of my friends and lovers. I want to be inspired by people willing to
be themselves.
It’s
hard in this world today to be our true selves, mostly because we don’t know
who we truly are to our very core. Do we display our truth, or our ideal of our
truth? In this world of social media, it’s too easy to create a persona of who
we think we are and who we want to be, but it’s hard to be completely honest
and vulnerable – because we fear judgment. The world is cruel. But, I’ve
learned over the years that freedom to be my true self, and that be okay, and
that be good enough is the ultimate accomplishment. While I do care to have the
love and respect from the people I love and respect – I don’t give a shit what
anyone thinks of me or my behavior. I just have to make sure it’s okay with the
woman in the mirror. If she’s okay with it, I’m okay with it. I care what my friends think and feel about
me, because I value them – just as they are - and their love and respect is
important to me. I care what my boyfriend thinks about who I am and the kind of
woman I am, because I want him to trust me and love me for the woman I am – not
who I was or he thinks I will be someday, but who I am in this moment. I don’t
want to change who they are, either. I have come to love them as they are –
imperfections and all.
I’m
glad they’re not perfect, because I’m very competitive. I want them to be proud
of me and the woman I’ve chosen to be, and I’m going to be myself, all the
fucking perfectly imperfect parts of me. I’ve told my boyfriend all about my dark, ugly
demons, scars, and imperfections. If they haven’t scared him away by now, I
think he might just stick around for a while.
I adore him just like he is – as himself. I adore my best friend just
like she is – as herself. I adore my kids just like they are – as themselves. Be yourself, and let me love that person.
Till
next time,
~T.L.
Gray
