Sensory Reminiscences

There's nothing I think more potent in transporting us instantly like sensory memories.  A certain smell, a certain scene, a certain song, a certain color, a certain feeling, a certain word or phrase, etc.  All these are able to instantly trigger a memory or a feelings in our minds and take us back to a connecting memory.

I'd love to say that one memory sense is more potent than another, but I'm finding that's just not true.  It depends on the measure of contact.  As a writer and working in literary field, I'm surrounded by words.  I work with words, I play with words, and I often dreams about words, so needless to say certain words, phrases, book covers, lines of prose, familiar passages of poetry are able to trigger different memories in my life at any given moment.  I've learned over the years to avoid certain types of words for that particular reason, because there's just some things you don't want to remember. 

This morning, however, it wasn't words that have transported me, but music.  I had one of the best adventures of my life last summer.  This morning my iPod was set to scramble and played songs at random and a song by MSMR came up in queue.  I was going about my business as usual when their song Hurricane started playing.  My body reacted before my mind was able to comprehend.  I froze in place, my fingers literally stopped typing, my mind jumped to a sensory memory of a particular moment standing outside an airport.  My breath caught.  My throat tightened.  I re-felt that moment of nervousness.  My stomach fluttered in anticipation.  My hands shook.  In the original moment, I had never been more excited and more afraid in my entire life.  In this moment, for just a second, I once again felt that sensation. Then, I couldn't stop the tears. 

The sad part wasn't remembering the wonderful scene, I cherish it and hope to remember it forever. What hurt was realizing how far I've retreated, how much I've stuffed a particular part of my life back into it's familiar and comfortable box. I had promised myself not to do such a thing. I've come too far to go back. I deserve to move forward.

I've set my iPod to play that album over the next few weeks, not so I can remember that beautiful summer, but to remind myself of the promises I've made, and I can once again start breaking down those damned walls. 

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

A Place at the Table

Here is a beautiful story written by an author friend of mine, Jeff Suwak, who just released his first book.   I'm a dreamer, and I'm always interested in hearing about other people's dreams, mostly to see if theirs are as crazy as mine.  It seems I'm in good company.

For those of you who are Cormac McCarthy, Ernest Hemingway, Charles Bukowski, Jack Kerouac, Philip K. Dick or Hunter S. Thompson fans, you will really enjoy this.

Please visit and subscribe to this author's page, and leave Jeff a comment.  You might just find yourself with a "Place at the Table".

A Place at the Table

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Do What You Love

A good educational background and work history can provide many career opportunities, but while they all may be obtainable, not all are beneficial.  Being an indentured servant merely for a wage can be life-draining and turn you into a human zombie – where your heart beats, but there’s no life, no passion and no vision.  Where there is no vision, there is death.

I’ve been a slave, an indentured servant and an entrepreneur.  While I was able to provide sufficiently and financially for my family, my heart was always searching for something or somewhere else.  I learned to persevere and endure my situations.  I also learned a lot of other important life lessons, ones that developed my skills and sharpened my talents.  I greatly appreciate every experience, even the one’s I hated, because I still learned something. 

However, now that I’m pursuing what I believe I was born to do, to chase the dream that I dared to dream, and step out into the unknown with no guarantees and no promises, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.  I’m learning to do without a lot of those materialistic and physical things I used to think I had to possess in order to claim success.  It’s the intangible that matters most.

Don’t get me wrong.  I still need capital in order to function, to be able to chase my dream, to have the opportunities to experience many of the intangibles that so enrich my life, and I couldn’t do this without my family’s help and support, both emotionally and financially. Being broke and homeless would only force me back into slavery and indentured servitude, so I understand that it is my family’s love and support for me that affords me this opportunity.  It is upon their shoulders in which I stand. I hope I can return the favor for them as well.  It is that love they give me, combined with my passion for what I do, that propels me into the ether.  When I succeed, it is not I alone who prospers, but all of us together. 

My heart goes out to all those reaching for their dreams on their own.  This fight is hard enough with a great support system; I can’t imagine how difficult it is alone, or filled with adamant opposition.  For those considering to take the leap – I’d advise setting up a good foundation of support before jumping. However, don’t lose your courage, and be determined to jump, even if you have to do it by faith alone.  Do what you have to, but above all, do what you love.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray