True Accolades

Photo by T.L. Gray - 08/12/2013

For many years I’ve had people tell me they believed in me, but to me those were only meaningless words whispered in moments of fake accolades.  Most people don’t mean what they say.  They learn a few key phrases and repeat them like mantras, as if saying them alone makes them true.  All you need is to look into their eyes or watch their actions for only a short period of time to know whether they’re true or not.

For many years I smiled at these people as they attempted to soothe me with their honeyed words.  Yet, I’ve come to realize my smile was just as false as their claims.  I don’t do it anymore.  I just don’t allow these people into my life at all.  I’ve learned to walk away.  Having been abandoned and rejected by my own family, those who were supposed to believe in me most, I’ve spent four decades trying to grasp even the thinnest thread of acceptance and support.  But it wasn’t someone else’s approval I needed, only my own.

For many years I blamed myself for their lack of support, telling myself I wasn’t good enough, strong enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, or brave enough to deserve their love and support – I convinced myself I was broken.  But, I’ve come to learn I am good, strong, pretty, healthy, smart and braver than most people I know, and I deserve to be loved, to be wanted, and to be desired.

I no longer seek approval from others.  They support me, stand next to me, love me, and believe in me, or they don’t.  I know my true friends and I love them with all my heart.  I just hope they know that I love, support, want and desire them in return, that when I tell them I believe in them, they know I mean it. 

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Process

A systematic series of actions directed to some end; a continuous action, operation, or series of changes taking place in a definite manner.

I heard a great message yesterday focusing on the aspect that we spend our lives living from process to process, everything from breathing, to working, to learning, to maturation. Yet, due to our human nature, we tend to place our focus on the beginning and the end of our processes, often despising the period between, mainly because of and abhorrence for patience.  However, the essence of life happens during the process.   This is when our character, our skills, our talents, our personality, our values, our hopes, and our desires our developed. 

 

So, why do we despise the process so much?  As best as I can tell, it’s because of our destructive and rebellious nature.   We’ve deceived ourselves into thinking that finishing the race is the prize, but the true reward lays in the fact that we ‘ran’ the race.  We can set a million trophies on our reward shelves, but if we were just given the prize without having done the task, then the prize becomes worthless.  What good is a published book if we didn’t go through the toil of writing, editing, submitting, marketing and struggling through the process from conception to bookstore shelf, or eBook download?  It is during the process that we develop our gifts and abilities, that strengthen us as a writer (or insert whatever talent you have), and gives us the skills needed to publish many books.  

I’ve seen many writers abort their dreams because they wanted to avoid or skip the process, mostly due to impatience, or lack of belief.  Instead of going through the toil of learning their craft, they give up, or pay someone else to do the work for them, thereby losing the prize of completion or the value of the prize.  Getting published isn’t the true treasure or ultimate goal for a writer.  It’s having a vision (a story idea), then believing it will be published at the moment of conception (before seeing the first word appear on the page), and then sustain that belief as they begin the journey through the process of transforming that vision into reality.  For some, it may take months.  For others, it may take years.  Our dedication and obedience to the vision, and submission to the process, most often determines the length of the journey.  I personally don’t want to wander around in a desert for forty years.  I much prefer the direct route, even if it’s fraught with danger and impossible tasks, because I’m foolish enough to believe that if I have enough faith, nothing is impossible. 

I’m about to publish my fifth book, have ghost-written two other published books, and helped edit four other publications by other authors, not to mention the countless articles, reviews and blog posts already into the ether; my bookshelf is brimming with printed accomplishments.  What I value most is not the finished product, but the process I went through to receive them.  Each accomplishment has increased my faith for the next one on the horizon, and I wouldn’t change one tear that was shed to get here. I hope this blog post has encouraged you can do the same.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray