Stretched Beyond Your Comfort Zone

“I will not give that which costs me nothing,” ~King David.

“There can be no triumph without loss. No victory without suffering. No freedom without sacrifice.” J.R.R. Tolkien

“Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.” ~Steve Jobs

When we set goals for ourselves, we are telling the universe that no matter what it plans for us, we are the captains of our lives and we determine the outcome. However, making that grand gesture is only the first step. Once we declare our intentions the universe conspires against us, pushes us to prove ourselves, tests our resolve, and stretches us beyond our comfort zones to see if we meant what we said or if we will falter. In our human frailty and weakness that is often what we do – fall. Yet, we are not failures - unless we give up. There’s no tally for how many times I’ve been knocked down and counted out, but I won’t give up. The universe may have given up on me, but I won’t give up on myself.

When we look around it ‘appears’ that others have it easier, but that’s because we’re often only looking at the things that give us the most difficulty. We ALL have struggles, but they may be in different areas. It seems my hardest struggles are in love and health, while others struggle with success and happiness, and others peace and addictions. The list goes on and on. We are individuals, unique, and precious. It would be great if we were all born to the same opportunities and face the same struggles.

It’s not fair.

Life isn’t fair.

We have to get this ‘fairness’ idea out of our heads and quit comparing ourselves to others. Face our troubles and realize we all struggle in one way or another. Not one of us is perfect or without hardship. Not one!

We need to help encourage one another. I can’t begin to express how much the love and encouragement from my closest friends has meant to me this past couple of years. There were days I felt lower than dirt, didn’t even want to live because the pain and heartache hurt so much. I still sometimes have those days. But all it took was a kind word, a simple expression of love, a bit of encouragement and not judgment from my friends to lift me out of those dark places. We all visit them from time to time. Not one of us has our ‘shit’ together all the time.

If we can clear up our thinking and start encouraging ourselves and one another, knowing that our journey will have some hard days, determine in our hearts that our dreams and hopes are worth the sacrifices they will require, and surround ourselves with people who will love and encourage us when we have dark days and not judge us, then we can begin to move those mountains.

I keep coming back to a Lucy Spraggan song called “Mountains” and there’s a line that tugs my heart every time – “I know what you’re scared of, I can feel it too. You’re not scared of climbing mountains; you’re scared you can’t make them move.”

God knows I’ve got huge mountains in front of me. We all do; I’m not alone in this venture. But, I do have something very precious …I have friends who truly love me. They don’t just tell me with their lips while judging me and reminding me of my faults. They love me in spite of them. I love them more than I can ever express. They’re not perfect, they have their own battles and weaknesses, but they’re perfect for me. They stretch me often beyond my comfort zone – pushing me forward when all I want to do is lie down and give up. It’s not all laughs and good times – more often its arguments and frustration – because they care enough to tell me the truth. They don’t give up on me, when I’m sure they feel like it …often, perhaps daily. They are more precious to me than any success, fame, recognition, money, or treasure. They are ‘love’. Sure, I want to be ‘in love’ and have a great romance, but the love I have for and from my friends… is so much more than a flight of fancy.

To my friends… you know who you are… I love you. Thank you for loving me.

So the next time you feel the pressure and the struggle of the goals you’ve set for yourself, remember you’re not alone, you’re a member of the human race. And if you don’t have a friend or two around you who will love you and stretch you beyond your comfort zone, start looking for them.

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

Building Dreams

When I wake in the mornings, sometimes my thoughts linger in that place found between dreaming and awake.  Often I write these expressions down unaware or half asleep.  I often find them to be some of the most profound thoughts, scattered at times with vibrant clarity, and others with a dark depth, sometimes so cavernous it takes me long periods of time for the truth to be revealed.  I wish I could say they're my own conscious thoughts, my own reasoning, my own wisdom, but I don't feel I could take full credit for them because I have yet to comprehend and haven't even begun to understand many of them.

I call these - Musings

My musing this morning was this:  Dreams aren't just meant to be enjoyed in the night, but to serve as inspiration and a blueprint of what is possible in the day.  But don't sit and wait for them to come true on their own - go out and start making the changes necessary to transform what is ...to what could be.  A dream doesn't build itself.


You don't know how many times I sat back and waited patiently for my dreams to happen on their own, or become possible by the magical wave of a higher power's hand to make everything fall into place.  Too many times I've read stories where all these miraculous happenstances occur for other people.  I believed it was 'good fortune' I waited for in order for things to happen.  But, 'when I was a child, I thought as a child.  I have now put away those childish thoughts'. 

Yes, I still believe in a higher power (God), probably even more now than I did when I believed in blind faith. I just don't see His purpose or operation in my life in the same respect and find I'm less disappointed when magic doesn't happen as I had falsely expected and built in my mind.  I find a strength, a wisdom, and a source of understanding that helps me navigate, survive, overcome, and plow trough this harsh world while I'm here. 

I have big dreams.  I have sat back in meek humbleness waiting for lightening to strike to make those dreams come true, believing if I was good enough, faithful enough, and wished and hoped hard enough things would fall into place, and those doors I needed to make it happen would pop up in front of me and all I had to do was choose which ones I wanted to walk through.  Wasn't that the dream fed to us?  It wasn't the truth.  Every great dreamer I've studied had to fight for every opportunity, had to sacrifice more than they thought capable, and possess a determination to get up again and again no matter how many times they fail.  I wondered what propelled them.  Was it their hope in magic or their vision of a blueprint and knew that somehow, someway, they could transform their what is into what could be?  They had the blueprints, but through toil, dedication and determination they had to learn how to build, how to read the plans, how to construct and how to place that dream together piece by piece - each piece often unrecognizable on it's own. 

Perhaps that's where I've been wrong all this time, believing myself a Dreamer when I'm really a Visionary. 

What are your dreams?  What do you envision for yourself?  How do you expect to get there?

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

Image: http://thebadassblogger.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/building-dreams-just-not-your-own.jpg

Process

A systematic series of actions directed to some end; a continuous action, operation, or series of changes taking place in a definite manner.

I heard a great message yesterday focusing on the aspect that we spend our lives living from process to process, everything from breathing, to working, to learning, to maturation. Yet, due to our human nature, we tend to place our focus on the beginning and the end of our processes, often despising the period between, mainly because of and abhorrence for patience.  However, the essence of life happens during the process.   This is when our character, our skills, our talents, our personality, our values, our hopes, and our desires our developed. 

 

So, why do we despise the process so much?  As best as I can tell, it’s because of our destructive and rebellious nature.   We’ve deceived ourselves into thinking that finishing the race is the prize, but the true reward lays in the fact that we ‘ran’ the race.  We can set a million trophies on our reward shelves, but if we were just given the prize without having done the task, then the prize becomes worthless.  What good is a published book if we didn’t go through the toil of writing, editing, submitting, marketing and struggling through the process from conception to bookstore shelf, or eBook download?  It is during the process that we develop our gifts and abilities, that strengthen us as a writer (or insert whatever talent you have), and gives us the skills needed to publish many books.  

I’ve seen many writers abort their dreams because they wanted to avoid or skip the process, mostly due to impatience, or lack of belief.  Instead of going through the toil of learning their craft, they give up, or pay someone else to do the work for them, thereby losing the prize of completion or the value of the prize.  Getting published isn’t the true treasure or ultimate goal for a writer.  It’s having a vision (a story idea), then believing it will be published at the moment of conception (before seeing the first word appear on the page), and then sustain that belief as they begin the journey through the process of transforming that vision into reality.  For some, it may take months.  For others, it may take years.  Our dedication and obedience to the vision, and submission to the process, most often determines the length of the journey.  I personally don’t want to wander around in a desert for forty years.  I much prefer the direct route, even if it’s fraught with danger and impossible tasks, because I’m foolish enough to believe that if I have enough faith, nothing is impossible. 

I’m about to publish my fifth book, have ghost-written two other published books, and helped edit four other publications by other authors, not to mention the countless articles, reviews and blog posts already into the ether; my bookshelf is brimming with printed accomplishments.  What I value most is not the finished product, but the process I went through to receive them.  Each accomplishment has increased my faith for the next one on the horizon, and I wouldn’t change one tear that was shed to get here. I hope this blog post has encouraged you can do the same.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray