April Fool's Flowers

A man brought me flowers yesterday, a dozen April Fool’s flowers, a bouquet of beauty filled with much more than I expected.  Well, the fact I didn’t expect them, had no idea they existed …for me, had no inkling or clue they were destined to be placed into my hand made them even more spectacular.  They’re just roses.  But they’re the most beautiful roses I have seen in a very long time, because they’re mine and were meant for me.

I had expected my April Fools to be lonely, to be quiet, and to pass by with a whimper.  I had brought a dozen donuts to work for my co-workers and it took them half a day to start eating them, because they expected a prank, a joke, or a surprise. They came from me, after all – the witty girl always up for a prank. No, they were just donuts that I had bought for a party I had with my girlfriends a couple days before and were never going to eat. I was surprised that I hadn’t planned any prank or joke – because I love to laugh and bring laughter to others more than anything else.  But, it just wasn’t in me this year. It was a bit of a sad occasion, a reminder of a lost love.

No, I expected my April Fool’s evening to go by forgotten and lonely.  I went home after work with plans of doing laundry, vacuuming my condo, working out on my treadmill - since it was too cold to hang out by the pool, cook me a sensible dinner, watch a little television and fall asleep reading. Not a bad evening, but nothing spectacular, nothing surprising, and definitely nothing exciting.  I’m glad the universe had other plans. I appreciate that a smart, handsome, romantic, spontaneous – super mysterious (ha ha) man had other plans and wasn’t afraid to interrupt mine.  I didn’t expect him. I didn’t ask for him. I didn’t seek him out. Yet, he found me anyway and I had a Cinderella evening on an April Fool’s Day.  I had doors opened for me, smiles directed at me, laughter shared with me, and a kiss I felt all the way to my toes. But, there was another part of me, one deep down I tried to ignore, one that kept waiting for the clock to strike mid-night, and the other shoe to drop - for the April Fool’s joke to be revealed – because how could all this be for me? But, that joke never came. 

I have divided that dozen roses into several different vases throughout my condo to remind me everywhere I turn - that it’s okay to be Cinderella sometimes. It feels good to be wanted, to be valued, and to be pursued.

I don’t know how this fairy tale will evolve, if it will bloom into a grand tale or become something the Grimm brothers would appreciate. I will not worry about tomorrow. Maybe I will be the fool. Maybe not. I will appreciate the moment for what it has been so far. I have a huge smile on my face today. I will hope for a better future, and no matter that future I will always love and appreciate my April Fool’s Flowers.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

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Laughter

I love to laugh.  I love to make other people laugh.  No matter how bad I’m feeling, laughter always makes me feel better.

When I’m down and depressed, what pulls me out of it is the following two aspects:

1.  Knowing that there is someone in this world who cares about me.

2.  Laughter.

There’s a lot each of us have to deal with, and we all have problems and stresses that pull on us regularly.  No one is without concern or burden, that’s our lot for being human.  The only difference between us is the severity of which we have to deal with the things that come into our life.

Anxiety is the worse of these stresses.  The Good Book says, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving,  let your requests be known to God.”  That’s easier said than done.  Sure… wait right here a moment while I go and lay down my anxiety.  If we could all just take it off like a jacket, we’d be perfect because I don’t know one person who LIKES and WANTS anxiety in their life. If anyone figures out the secret to turning off emotions of anxiety when worries pop up in their life, please share it.  I’d like a detailed manuscript or formula.

Let my requests be known to God?  Isn’t He omniscient?  If he knows the very number of hairs I have on my head (which He needs to recount after this morning’s brushing) and the thoughts I have in my mind, then doesn’t He already know what my requests are?  Could I possibly hide them from Him?  I’m thinking maybe we’ve been going at this one wrong for a long time now.

 The rest of that scripture reads “… and the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”  I don’t even know what that really means anymore.  How will God’s peace guard my heart and mind exactly, because when situations come into my life my brain goes into overdrive dealing with all the ‘responsibility’  and ‘expectations’ that are associated.  What exactly are we expecting from this “peace of God”.  It doesn’t say peace from God, but the peace that belongs to Him and is of Him will guard my heart and mind.  Well, that didn’t work.  Maybe it’s because I’m trying to understand something that clearly states transcends my understanding – it’s not understandable.  If it’s not understandable, how then do I trust it and apply it to remove the anxiety that plagues me?  

I’m not looking for an answer here, so please don’t flood my comments with your divine religious insights.  I’m not a novice.  I’ve studied the scriptures for nearly two decades and this is an answer I’ll only accept from God himself.  Men have taught me they’re just as ignorant as I am, and most of the time have no clue what they really understand or believe.  They’re mockingjays and parrots, repeating what they’ve heard, yet most often their actions and reactions proclaim something contrary.  I don’t want or need your opinion.  If God can talk to an ass, He can damn well talk to me.    

But, I didn’t write this post to come down on Scripture.  I have nothing against Scripture, just a majority of men’s interpretation of it. I wrote this article to get to this point – anxiety is real and it’s hard.  Regardless of what you believe or don’t believe, the greatest weapon “I’ve” discovered to fight against is – is laughter.  I’ve prayed, taken pills, exercised, been to counseling… and  sometimes those things help.  But the only constant that brings ME results is laughter.

So, I’m letting my request be known to the whole world (hopefully that mean’s God too) that I hope your day, and my day, be filled with laughter.  I want to hear the sound of giggles and guffaws.  I’d like to see smiles and smirks.

Here’s a dumb joke to get you started on your day:

“Why do milking stools only have three legs? – Because the cow has the udder.”

That made you smile, didn’t it?  It at least had you shake your head.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray