Just Walk Beside Me and Be My Friend - Albert Camus

I wish I did the right thing every day.  I wish I always said the right words, had the right responses, made the right comments, remembered the right quotes, and knew the right steps.  I seem to be more familiar with the wrong ones and sometimes that makes navigating through this life really hard.  Sometimes it's so hard I want to give up and just cease to exist anymore.  I know I'm not alone in these sentiments. There are just as many right moments as there are wrong, and I feel the joy of it as much as I feel the pain - we all do. Some of us are just more vocal about it than others.

The one thing I can't imagine though is not having my best friends with me through this journey.  I can't help but think of the quote by Albert Camus that says, "Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow.  Don't walk behind me; I may not lead.  Just walk beside me and be my friend." 

While there are times I lead and other times I follow, but it's walking together that counts.  We enter this world alone.  We will leave it alone.  But, we're not made to be alone.  Even the most reclusive among us need  human interaction at times.  As with this Camus quote, I can see where friendships and relationships have failed in the past because I've done just that... led until no longer followed, and followed until I became lost.  It wasn't fair to my partners, and it wasn't fair to me, and the consequence of the imbalance was the failure and dissolution of those relationships. I can't fix them, only learn from them.

In this new phase of my life, I'm experiencing new relationships and friendships where my partners are wise enough and love me enough not to allow me to do either.  When I try to follow, they stop and let me catch up.  When I try to lead, they stop until I turn around to stand beside them.  They love me as I am and don't try to change me, yet inspire me to discover myself.  They hold my hand when I'm scared to let me know everything will be okay and they're not going anywhere.  They refuse to let go when in fear I try to run.  They meet me eye to eye and tell me the truth, not to hurt me but so I can walk in truth. They tilt my eyes toward the stars and teach me to dream. They share their frustrations, hopes, dreams, fears and faults, because I am also their friend and they walk beside me.

I tell them often how much I love them.  They also tell me the same.  They are truly the greatest treasures in this world, so precious, so rare, and I'm so blessed to know them. I'm so honored they have chosen me to be their friend. They are closer to me than any lover and more loving than any family member I've ever had.  I still worry and fret about the things I cannot change or the fears that still sit in front of me, but I face them all with confidence because I know I'm not alone.

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

In the Depth of Winter

Being stuck at home with the roads iced over and just my thoughts for company, the snow and quiet gave me plenty of time to think.  For someone like me, someone who over-thinks everything, that’s not necessarily a good thing.  However, I’m so intrigued with the universe it’s caused me to enjoy my isolation. 

This morning amid the rush of conducting interviews, setting up photo shoots, finishing up my latest review project, writing my articles in a mad dash to meet tomorrow’s deadlines, and laughing at the silliness of my friends on Facebook, I caught a moment of reflection.  As I stood by the French doors, sipping on a cup of hot cocoa and watching the birds play in the snow, I meditated on a quote by philosopher Albert Camus. 

“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”

Within us all abides everything we need to navigate this life.  Martha Beck, author of Finding Your Own North Star delicately states it as, “Explorers depend on the North Star when there are no other landmarks in sight.  The same relationship exists between you and your right life, the ultimate realization of your potential for happiness.  I believe that the knowledge of that perfect life sits inside you just as the North Star sits in its unfaltering spot.”

I understand going through winter, and I’m not talking about cold temperatures and snow, but a season in life where everything is in hibernation, cold, hidden.  This has me pondering what Camus meant by an invincible summer. Invincible means incapable of being conquered, subdued, or defeated; insuperable, insurmountable.  I’ve learned recently, having been afraid concerning the defeat of my soul, I’m stronger than I thought and haven’t faltered.  I still breathe. I still live.  I still hope.  I still believe in better days and finding success in life and love; shining beneath the summer sun.

To me, summer is happiness, joy and freedom.  So, according to Camus and Beck, I have everything within me, no matter what season I’m going through, to possess an invincible summer.  I believe it.  As I stare at the snow, I don’t see cold and wet, but beauty and wonder.

The same is true for everyone …we all possess the same potential.  So, even as we brave the snow and ice …let our inner light shine.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray