Moderation is for Cowards

I recently heard a quote that missed my head and hit me right in the soul that it’s taken me a few days to digest it.  It said, “Anything in life worth doing, is worth overdoing, moderation is for cowards.” I don’t know the author of this quote or even where I heard it, but it reminds me of another quote by Hunter S. Thompson, “Anything worth doing is worth doing well.” David Goggins recently inspired me with, “Choose to be uncommon amongst uncommon people.” But, I suppose my favorite comes from Philippians 4:8 – “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on these things.”

There’s something to be said about giving our all, our best effort and our energy into what we want to achieve in this life.  I have a spirit of excellence. I don’t know how to do anything half-assed. It’s not in my psychological makeup. Call me an A-type personality, OCD, or an over-thinker, none of those names matter – because what I feel it comes down to, in the base, in the foundation, in the root  of my very being …is that I’m not a coward.

I am afraid of a lot of things. I’m afraid of fear. I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid of disappointment.  I’m afraid of judgement.  I’m afraid of not being enough, not good enough, or being too much. But Fear doesn’t rule me. Fear doesn’t control me. Fear sure as hell doesn’t stop me.  I believe everyone is afraid of rejection, judgement, and failure in emotional, psychological and physical aspects.  But, excellence and facing those life obstacles, standing up to fear …is what separates us, and moderation is for cowards.

Cowards lie to themselves and everyone else around them. They pretend life is some fucking fairy-tale as they smoke their peace pipes and stick their heads in the sands of modern philosophy. They’re excuse makers and moderate pussies. Albert Einstein once said, “The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.”

I believe hate is bad, and the way our world hates each other breaks my heart. But, hate is better than indifference. Indifference is the cruelest emotion.  Indifferences doesn’t care. Hate is at least filled with passion.  Those who are indifferent and don’t care – cause the most damage in the world.  Those who don’t feel it necessary, or are afraid to feel emotion, love, or passion, those who don’t give their best or approach everything in life with everything they have, who wants to do everything in moderation – are cowards, nothing more than a yellow-bellied sap-sucking woodpecker banging their beaks against the grain, causing a ruckus but changing nothing. A complete nuisance and waste of space.

I don’t have time or patience or respect for moderation cowards.  I don’t care what you do, but whatever it is – do it with excellence, overdo it, do it well, be uncommon and make it happen – or else get the fuck out of the way for the real heroes. Take a chance.  Make the jump. Fight the good fight.  Kiss the girl. Leave the hiding to the cowards, let them fight over the breadcrumbs life has to offer.  Not me – I am a warrior and I seek to surround myself with warriors who can’t accept moderation.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Failures or Cowards?

What is a failure really?  Does not being able to complete a task that we dare to accomplish translate as a failure?  When a relationship breaks down and we separate is that also a failure? 

I have my different definition for failure, or else I still have yet to find the correct correlating word. Failure to me is simply being too afraid to try. Allowing an opportunity to pass, that’s failure. Having tried something and it fall apart or tear to pieces isn’t failure - that’s understanding and discovering how something doesn’t work.

When it comes to relationships I watch so many people build emotional walls because they’re afraid of failure. Having had a relationship that didn’t work, they believe themselves proverbial failures. But they’re not. They’re simply cowards. I don’t want to be a coward.

I know this fear because I face it every day. I don’t want to build the same walls. I do want to protect myself from the pain that comes from a broken relationship, but not at the cost of isolation.  I want to run. I want to hide. I want to believe I’m better off not loving in the first place than taking the risk of loving again and getting hurt even more than I am now. That’s the easy thing. It’s not what winners do, it’s what failures do.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I’ve never failed. I’ve had things fall apart, situations cost me everything, relationships tear me to pieces, but I’ve always tried – again and again and again and again until I discover what works. I face things that scare me. I risk everything for my dreams. I don’t just talk about doing things… I do them. I may complain and whine and cry and pitch a fit in the middle of my fear, but I still jump, I still leap, and I still take the gamble. I may not be showered in riches or exude what the world defines as success, but I’m a winner because I have the courage to try – again and again and again.

E.E. Cummings says, “It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.”

John Wooden says, “Success is never final, failure is never fatal. It is courage that counts.”

Mark Twain says, “With courage, you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be passionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity.”

Albert Einstein says, “You never fail until you stop trying.”

Cormac McCarthy says, “Long before the morning, I knew that what I was seeking to discover was a thing I’d always known, that all courage was a thing of constancy. That it is always himself that the coward abandoned first. After this all other betrayals comes easy.”

This quote moves me most, because I’ve seen it in action too many times. We often think our betrayals are of the other person, but what we don’t often realize is that we’ve first betrayed ourselves. The secrets, the lies, the guilt, the shame, it all comes after we’ve betrayed ourselves.  This is what I fear most, that I will betray ME, that I will let ME down, that I will fail ME, that I will allow a coward to come into my life and drag me down into failure. It is for this purpose I continue to try and have become particular who I allow into my life - because I deserve the best, I deserve success, I deserve love, and I deserve happiness. I deserve to be with a winner. As long as I keep seeking these things and never stop, I’m not a failure. Finding or not finding isn’t the prize, the measure of success, or where living is done – but life, character, courage and success are found in the process.

I’m not a coward; therefore I am not a failure.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Perception

I've always heard that if you wanted to change the world, your environment, or your situation, you have to start with how you think; change your perception.

With a new year, new goals, new resolutions, and entering a new phase in my life, I'm focusing on changing my perception.  I choose to look at the beauty around me, hope for it, desire it, and want it.  I'm talking about the beauty of love, the beauty of life. 

I have a choice: I can remain in the shadows and let the cold continue to seep into my bones, causing me to huddle into a tight ball, shutting out the world around me - or else look up and let the sun warm my face and melt the ice in my heart. 

The world sucks.  People suck.  Life, on most days, suck.  It's one struggle on top of the other.  It sucked when I lived in the perception of safety and security busy fulfilling the American dream - the picture-perfect life; it sucks now when that dream has shattered into a million tiny pieces.  The prospects of tomorrow and the next day suck too.  BUT, it doesn't have to be ugly. 

I choose to see the beauty in every day.  I choose to see a single red flower growing amongst a concrete jungle.  I choose to see a simple smile amongst a world of zombies.  I choose to sing as I toil, labor, and struggle.  Will singing magically make my troubles go away? No, but at least my ears will hear something pleasant and my heart feel a little lighter. 

Today I change my perception.  Let the world be damned and the pessimists be fools.  The sun has risen and beyond the gray clouds, the falling snow, the bitter winds, and I know she burns brightly.  With my mind's eye I see her, and in seeing her, the clouds break.

Don’t want to take my word on perception, here are few words concerning the power of perception from other writers:

"The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow stronger." - W.B. Yeats 

“If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, Infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro' narrow chinks of his cavern.” - William Blake

“All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.” -  Friedrich Nietzsche

“There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.” - Aldous Huxley

“Small is the number of people who see with their eyes and think with their minds.” - Albert Einstein

"Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you've felt that way."  - Charles Bukowski

"I saw that my life was a vast glowing empty page and I could do anything I wanted."  - Jack Kerouac

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Experience the Mysterious

I don’t know if I could live in a practical world. Not that I can’t think or make practical decisions, but I’m talking about the way I view everything and the life choices I make.  The practical is often safe and the path of least resistance.  It’s also the path that requires less imagination and often devoid of passion and devotion.  I’m just not built that way. I break the rules of practicality often.  I’m not meant to be fit it, but to stand out.

I try to be practical. I try to be rational.  I try to be responsible and accountable, but I’m an artist.  I’m created to think outside the box, see beyond the frame, wonder and contemplate what’s behind the veil. Curiosity fuels me, imagination propels me, and my thirst to experience the unknown lifts me off the ground, allowing me to soar. 

I watch many people around me lose themselves in their daily quests to provide for their basic needs and necessities.  Like zombies, they head to fulfilling jobs, going through the motions, floating around and around in the cycles of routine, trying to convince themselves they’re happy; chasing the American Dream.  But, what is the true cost?  I don’t want to gain the world and lose my soul.

As someone who is working hard to provide a sense a safety and security, looking for ways to provide basic necessities, I have to find a balance between the practical and the mysterious, protecting that wondrous and curious side of me, or it may fall victim, become the sacrifice to the mundane.   Too many dreams have been mutilated and murdered to make way for the practical.  With their death, often comes the blinders that keep us from seeing the mysteries around us, experiencing the wonder and awe of beautiful creations.

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

Don't Step Back - Push Forward

I’m afraid of a lot of things, because life is filled with a lot of uncertainty and in the middle of adversity I have been hurt.  However, one thing I’m certain is that I walk through this world with my eyes and heart wide open and my observations and opinions, failures and successes, are my own.  Fear makes me cautious, but it doesn’t stop me. I’m not afraid to fail or get hurt; I’m more afraid not to try, not to learn, or not to experience.

I’ve been through a lot of changes over the years and my mistakes are countless, but there’s one thing that hasn’t changed, and that’s my authenticity or my devotion.  I’ve been wrong, I’ve been narrow-minded, I’ve been naïve, and I’ve been mistaken, but I’ve always been honest… to myself and to others.  This is dangerous because it allows my heart and soul to be exposed and possibly hurt, and I have been hurt – a lot.  Yet I can’t bring myself to live any other way.

I’ve been rejected, but I can’t allow rejection to stop me from trying again.  Someday I’ll be accepted.

I’ve been let down by those who should have been there for me most, but I can’t allow that to stop me from ever depending on someone else.  Someday, someone will be there when I need them.

I’ve watched portions of my dreams being shattered like glass, but I can’t allow that to stop me from reaching for more dreams or putting those shattered pieces together.  Someday I’ll walk in their fulfillment.

Not everybody sees the world the same.  Not everybody responds to the hurts, pains and disappointments with the same measure.  Our natural reactions to pain, disappointment, or failure are to close our eyes and build a tall wall around our hearts. Most often we cling to philosophies and opinions of others because we no longer trust our own decisions.  WE CAN’T DO THAT!

I’ve learned…

If you’re heartbroken …the best way to heal from that pain is to put your heart back out there, don’t hide it away. YES, you can make a wrong decision and it can get hurt again, but it can also get filled.  Hiding it away builds an unhealthy pattern and you can become rigid and spend your life alone and bitter, or going from one meaningless relationship to the next. It’s meaningless because you don’t allow your heart to become invested.

If you’ve failed at something …immediately start working on it again or jump into something new. Don’t step back and become afraid to try something else, because you can very well become too afraid to ever try anything again.  

We’re often told to take a step back to give our hearts a chance to heal. Let me tell you, as someone who has endured a lot of pain, failure, disappointment, setbacks, heartache and abuse… I’ve never healed by stepping back – only by pushing forward.  I’ve never succeeded by sitting down after a defeat – only by grabbing the next opportunity. 

And as for matters of the heart …I’ve given it my best shot, invested everything thing I had, loved openly and honestly and failed miserably… and the only way I know how to heal from that is to open my wounded heart to love again.  I WANT to build walls, push away and run like hell. I receive advice almost on a daily basis to step back, put up walls, set boundaries, to give myself time to heal.  I’ve spent the last couple of decades learning to love myself and open my heart… and I’ll be damned if I’m going to start closing it now.  Is that a mistake?  Only time will tell.

I’m moving forward… in my career, my passion, my dream and my heart. I apologize now for those around me who can’t do the same, because I may just have to leave you behind so you don’t hold me back. I can’t allow someone else to stop me from moving forward. I’ve just escaped that… and cannot allow it. This is ME seeing things in MY OWN eyes and feeling with MY OWN heart.  I may be wrong, but it’s my honest thoughts.  I may fail today, but if I do, I’ll get up again tomorrow.  You never know …I may just succeed. 

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray