Too Many Songs ...Livin' Out Loud

Have you ever had so much inside you that you couldn’t really zero in on that one particular thing, allowing all the others to fall by the wayside, to let that one out?  That’s the way it is for me this morning.  Instead of one song playing on a loop in my mind, there’s several playing at the same time.  I’m trying to pick one, but they’re all so good… I’m feeling every single one of them … at once.

“You got me goin’ ‘round, goin’ ‘round in circles. Yes you do, baby.  On and on, every time I see you I get nervous… whisper in my ear tonight, you know how to make me feel perfect.  Put your lips up next to mine, ‘cause you know just how to work it.  ‘Cause baby, you-u-u-u,  you make me feel alright, yes you do, baby. I want you take over… I want you to take over me …when the lights go down.” You - Nathaniel

“I’m a leader, I’m a winner, and I’m cleaner … ‘cause I’m awesome.  I don’t need you, ‘cause I’m neato, and I beat you … ‘cause I’m awesome.” Dollyrots – Because I’m Awesome

“Well, I’m not paralyzed, but I seem to be struck by you.  I want to make you move because you’re standing still.  If your body matches what your eyes can do, you’ll probably move right through me on my way to you.” Paralyzer – Finger Eleven

“To make you want me I can fabricate the truth.  I’ll give you easy, it’ll keep me destitute. You hang me up on the line, hang me out to dry, but you got nothing to lose. You’ve got the story all made up inside your head.  You write me out of it and use your words instead.  You hold me just out of reach, keep me pounding the beat, take all the shore you can give.  You want me to change – change – change.  You want me to change.  You want me to change – change – change. You want me to change.” Change – Churchill

“I need you, darling, come on set the tone.  If you feel me falling, won’t  you let me know.  Oh, oh, oh…wooohoo.  If you love me, come on get involved. Feel it rushing through you from head to toe.  Oh, oh, oh… wooohoo.  Sing! Louder! Sing!” Sing – Ed Sheeran

“Hold on.  Hold on. Don’t be scared. You’ll never change what’s been and gone.  May your smile, shine on. Don’t be scared. Your destiny may keep you warm.  ‘Cause all of the stars are fading away, just try not to worry, you’ll see them someday.  Just take what you need.  Now be on your way and stop crying your heart out.”  Stop Crying Your Heart Out – Oasis.

“Girl, I just want to get inside, just get inside your sexy mind. Oh, I just want to cross the line, the line, Baby.  Before it all goes crazy tonight, I just want to say, you’re beautiful, beautiful.  You’re rock-n-roll, rock-n-roll.  You’re beautiful, beautiful.   You’re beautiful. With you I lost all my control, the minute you walked in the door. But I’ve always got my eyes on the prize, the prize, Lady.  But before it all goes crazy tonight, I just want to say, you’re beautiful, beautiful.  You’re rock-n-roll, rock-n-roll.  You’re beautiful, beautiful. You’re beautiful.” – You’re Beautiful  - Nathaniel

“1-2-3-1-2-3-drink. 1-2-3-1-2-3- drink. 1-2-3-1-2-3-drink.  Throw ‘em back till all I know is gone .  I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier.  I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist, like it doesn’t exist.  I’m gonna fly like a bird for the night, feel my tears as they dry. I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier. I’m just holding on for tonight.” Chandelier – Sia

“Hey, I want to get better. You know I was lonely till I saw your face. I want to get better, better, better, I want to get better. I want you to know I was broken till I wanted to change.  I want to get better, better, better, better. “ I Want to Get Better – Bleachers

“So I write, write, write all the things I didn’t miss.  And despite, despite, despite …my conclusion is – nobody wants you, nobody wants you, like I do.  So, I write all the reasons I could quit.  Change my mind, mind, mind …cause my conclusion is – nobody wants you, nobody wants you like I do.  Excuses, abuses, you use me up. My patience, can’t take it, I’ve had enough. It must be meant to be, when you wake up from your break up, now you see, it must be how you look when you woke up right here next to me.” Nobody Wants U – Dollyrots

“You don’t have to fall in line.  Life is such a crazy ride.  Live Louder. Uh.  Live Louder. Uh, Whoo.  Put your rules back on the shelf. Let your freak out, be yourself.  Live Louder. Uh. Live Louder. Yeah! Ow…  Get up and dance like you dance when there’s no one around. Sing your song the way you sing when  you’re in the shower.  Lose yourself, act the fool, redefine a new kind of cool.  Live Louder. Louder.  Don’t be careful, don’t think twice. Just let your heart speak it’s mind. One foot forward, make your move. No one does it quite like you. Live Louder. Let it go… let yourself go. “ Live Louder – Nathaniel





So, what the hell do I do with all that???  I’m shaking my head and laughing right now… but I’m going to end this post, get up, dance… and live a little louder.

Till next time,

~Livin’ Out Loud

I See ...

First of all, I want to give an update to my rant yesterday.  It was as I proclaimed, just a moment.  This morning on my run in the dark, every time I passed a shadow I smiled and whispered “fuck you” and grew stronger and stronger as I sailed past every shadow.  By the time I hit the ¼ mile mark I was almost giddy.  Fear, you will not control me.  I’m not stupid, though.  I still gripped my knife and pepper spray… but I enjoyed the wind on my face, the smell of cedar in the air, the burn in my muscles, and the rapid, steady beat of my heart.  Now if I can just get my breathing under control… I’ll have this made.

The thoughts that flipped through my mind as I ran this morning focused on a dear friend I haven’t heard from in a while and I miss.  I worry about him and hope that all is well.  Most of all, I hope he’s happy.  He’s one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen, and it’s got nothing to do with his physical looks.  He also hides behind a thick mask, but I see him – all of him.

I don’t know if it’s a curse or a blessing, but I see people in a peculiar way.  As Shakespeare said, (I can’t believe I’m quoting that douchebag, but he did have some deep things to say at times.), “All the worlds a stage and all the people are merely players.”  That’s how I see the world.  We walk around with our masks, we move, and dance, and laugh, and speak, but it’s all for show.  As I walk through the masquerade in my own mask, I don’t focus on the colorful, dazzling, sparkling displays, but the eyes behind them.  In those mysterious orbs I see beauty and shadow, love and anger, hope and despair.  I see truth.  There are some people I see and they’re so ugly because their hearts and soul are so black and cold – I physically shiver. Their negativity is like a thick cloud. Then, there are others so beautiful I become mesmerized.

The thing about looking into someone’s eyes, I can tell if they’re looking back at me.  I’ve discovered most people don’t like eye contact.  They look at everything, but me.  We’re afraid to let people see who we really are – because most of the time we can’t even look at ourselves.  We’re like babies, we think if we can’t see others, they can’t see us.  “Though they have eyes, they do not see.”  It’s hard to see the truth, because it’s heavy.  To see the beauty in someone comes right along with their darkness, and that is often a bitter pill to swallow.  I can’t handle everyone’s darkness.

Can I be fooled?  Always.  We can shift from the light to darkness in an instant. I’ve hid in the shadows.  I’ve been terrified that others will see my darkness, get a good look at my shame, and hate or reject me for it.  But when we hide our darkness, we also hide our light. We are fools if we think we can only expose our light - that’s the defect in our masks.  Once we open up and expose ourselves, our shadows are exposed too.  Our shame keeps us dancing, keeps us moving, keeps us smiling, and keeps us hurting.

In my friends and those I love, I see all of it – the beauty and the darkness, and I still love them.  I would fight those shadows, and offer open arms for those times of weakness.  No judgment.  To truly love someone, I have to love all of them.  To love myself, I have to love all of me – the good and the bad, my strengths and my weaknesses. But who sees me? Who really sees me?  You can’t see me unless you look at me, and to see me is to be exposed, because I will see you.

It hurts when those we love leave us – because they’ve closed their eyes, they’ve closed their hearts – shutting us out.  We can’t see them anymore, and they can’t see us… we become just another dancer on the floor, another guest at the ball, another mask.  As you brush past me in this dance, my heart cries out, “Please don’t shut me out.  Don’t close your eyes.  You’re beautiful. Dance with me.  Look at me. See me, because I see … and I still love you.”

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Chandelier by Sia

http://youtu.be/8DS-h67qEiY

Party girls don't get hurt
Can't feel anything, when will I learn
I push it down, push it down

I'm the one "for a good time call"
Phone's blowin' up, they're ringin' my doorbell
I feel the love, feel the love

[Pre-Chorus]
1,2,3 1,2,3 drink
1,2,3 1,2,3 drink
1,2,3 1,2,3 drink

Throw 'em back, 'til I lose count

[Chorus]
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier

But I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cos I'm just holding on for tonight
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cos I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight

Sun is up, I'm a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame

[Pre-Chorus]
1,2,3 1,2,3 drink
1,2,3 1,2,3 drink
1,2,3 1,2,3 drink

[Chorus]
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier



Read more: Sia - Chandelier Lyrics | MetroLyrics