On Pause ...Resume

 

My last blog post a few months ago was about feeling like my life has been put on pause – and it was, but it wasn’t, but I realize it had been because now it’s on resume.  It didn’t stop – it just moved, turned with the changes that came.

NOTHING is the same that it was six months ago.  I’m not the same as I was just six months ago.  Our world is not the same that it was six months ago.

The part of me I want resumed more than anything is my writing.  I miss it. I feel like I’ve betrayed it somehow, that I’ve neglected it and left it sitting in the dust somewhere. 

So, now that I’ve moved my office out of my living room – and set up my home office once again for my writing, I’m hoping my gift will forgive me and be there for me, and help me get back to what I really love.

I’ve been on pause long enough. It’s time to start over – to start again.

My son is now a Sailor in the Navy.

Covid-19 has gotten on my last nerve and I have no more tolerance or patience.

Work is back at the office where it belongs.

I’m in a relationship with someone I love and who I believe loves me.

So, it’s time.

Until tomorrow,

~T.L. Gray

Picking Myself Up

I know what the dirt tastes like.  I’ve had a mouth full of it so many times I can almost recognize the earthy elements and distinguish between the minerals, how the gritty grains get stuck in your teeth, and the metallic taste it leaves in your mouth.  That’s the result of intimate knowledge.  But, before you get too lost in this blog post, I’m speaking metaphorically here.  Though as a very active and imaginative child, one unafraid and daring, I’ve had my mouth full of natural dirt plenty of times to be able to draw a complete illustration.

I missed my mark and have fallen on my face.  It hurts, especially along the jawline, the end of the nose and my eyes are swollen almost shut.  Yet, as I try and catch my breath, blowing dirt all into my face, my eyes and up my nose, I’m moving.  My hands are firmly pressed on the ground and I’m pushing.  I can barely bend my neck back and see anything but the ground beneath me, but I’m starting to make out the road set before me. My back hurts, my knees sting, and I smell the tang of blood in my nose, but I’m alive.  I have survived and I am picking myself up.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

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Present Circumstances

View as I entered the state of Washington 06/30/2013

Life happens.  Roadblocks, detours and delays are all part of the chaos.  No matter how much I plan, dream and expect my life to go a certain way, stuff happens to change those plans.  However, I don’t have to let those circumstances rule and determine the direction of my life.  They may have changed my current course, but I’m in control, and it’s up to me to make sure I’m still headed in the right direction.

Presently in my life there are a lot of changes going on.  My children are grown and flying the nest.  My 20-year marriage is coming to an end. My circumstances have changed drastically from what they were last year.  But my ultimate destination and goals are the same.  I’m still just as determined and focused to achieve those goals as I was a year ago.  I went through a numb period, dealing with all the changes, but these have only been detours.  It’s up to me to stop, realize in which direction I stand, turn my face toward the desired destination I want, and then take the steps to get there. 

No one else determines those steps but me, and no one else can take them either.

No matter where you are or how you got there… take a look around at your present circumstances, determine where you want to go, turn toward that direction, and then start moving. I dare you. 

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray