I had a completely different message I wanted to write this
morning, but after receiving another phone call listening to the train wreck of
a guy playing manipulative mind games with his ex-girlfriend, him reading me his
texts filled with passive-aggressive bullshit, making a bad situation worse because
he’s reacting during the height of emotion instead of sitting back and reacting
with sense, reminds me more of the type of person I want to be, especially when
it comes to my relationships.
I’m a passionate person.
I react with passion, in passion, and for passion. I don’t always react at the right time, the
right way, often resulting in the opposite of what I had hoped. LOL!
But, I’ve matured a lot over the years.
Wow, I used to be so stubborn. I used to be so stupid. I used to be so
selfish. It was always about what I
wanted, how I felt, and what I thought was right, and I wanted it in my time, when
I didn’t really know shit. But listening
to this man making huge mistakes in his eagerness to save what he thinks is
love, makes me smile. Not at his
distress, but at the knowledge that I know I’ve grown beyond the
pettiness. I’ve grown well beyond those
shallow waters. I’ll never have his
problems, only because I know that I would never accept anything but the
deepest of love. Other side of that coin
is that I may only find that kind of love within myself.
There was a piece of advice I gave this man that smacked me
right in my own face. Usually, just like
with this blog and many of the things I write, most of the things I say and do
are for ME more than anyone else. I may
have said them to him, and I doubt he even heard a word of what I was saying,
but I heard it and it stung… ouch. This
is what I told him. “We have to stop from
responding to things in the height of our emotion, because it only makes things
worse when we don’t receive the response we’ve already imagined we’d get in our
minds. People are individuals and they
respond to things in their own way, not the way we think they should, or expect
them to, or even according to what we think is the right answer.”
When someone responds to us in their own way, through their
own filter of experiences and triggers, we are often stunned, surprised, and
confused because it almost never turns out how we have already imagined. Come on, admit it, how many times have you
had an argument or discussion in your mind with someone about something that
upset you, but… when you went to talk about it, it came out so much different?
It’s called foot-mouth disease. I have a bad case of it.
Communication is the key to any relationship, friendship,
soul-mates, co-workers, family, etc. All
relationships are built or torn down due to the level of effective
communication. Don’t get me wrong,
communication alone can’t save a relationship, but it will help with
understanding and being able to determine when to fight and when to walk away.
It’s about integrity. So, getting to the
love letter to myself, I am very proud of the way I communicate with the people
I love, but mostly with the way I communicate with myself.
So, for Jinx… I love the way she listens, and then tries her
best to understand. Believe me, she doesn’t always understand, but she
tries. I love the way she gives the benefit
of the doubt, and isn’t quick to jump to conclusions and always dwells on the
worse. She truly encompasses the message in the Lady Gaga song, Million Reasons
– “I bow down to pray, I try to make the
worse seem better. Lord, show me the way, to break this worn-out leather. I’ve
got a hundred million reasons to walk away, but Baby I just need one good one
to stay.” Her mind thinks a million
thoughts about everything and it drives her crazy, is the foundation to much of
her anxiety and stress, and the master of her fears. But, I love, love, love
the fact that she is quick to apologize, quick to admit her mistakes, quick to
make amends when she realizes her fallacy, and doesn’t give up until she makes
it right. She owns her weaknesses and
that has become one of her greatest strengths, and I love her very much for it.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
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