They say wisdom comes with age. I’m not so sure that it’s
only an age thing, but a combination of that and experience. Life’s lessons aren’t just lessons learned as
Father Time ticks away the years, because I’ve met many older people who’ve led
very sheltered and narrow-minded lives, and never learned a damned thing. However,
experience alone doesn’t grant us this wisdom either, because I’ve also seen
some people who have experienced some tragic and great things, yet still never
learned anything, either.
So, what is the key to wisdom? I think it might have something to do with learning
from the experiences we’ve had throughout time.
Not that we can learn everything, because no matter how much we try, we
are fallible humans. Everything we do
learn, or are exposed to, is filtered through our level of understanding. For some that level is higher, more open, and
allows more to filter through, while others have smaller holes, and very little
gets through. Our filters are made up of
our preconceived ideas, theologies, cultural influences, regional inspirations,
religious teachings, parental guidance or lack thereof. Our filters come from
the pain we’ve experienced, and the joys of pleasure. My filter has some very small holes, as well
as some very large ones. But, have I
learned anything?
Love is an enigma. It’s
the one thing I’ve pursued harder than anything in my life. It’s also the one
thing I’ve ran from faster, and has eluded me more times than I could count. It seems just when I find it, it’s taken away
from me. It’s like the biggest cosmic
joke. I’m so afraid to be happy, because
just when I find happiness, it’s taken from me - first by death, then by
cancer, and recently by … well, I’m still not sure what happened. It’s the most
confusing of all.
So, what can I do?
Though I’m scared. Though I’m confused. Though my filters are all messed
up. Though my faith is weak. Though my
heart is one big fucking mangled mess… I do it anyway.
I dare to hope, when I see no hope.
I dare to dream, even when my dreams are filled with
nightmares.
I dare to smile, even when I feel like dying inside.
I dare to sing, even when my voice is cracked or hindered by
the big knot in it.
I dare to love, even when I’m not loved in return.
This is the thing I’ve learned. I could choose to hate, and be angry, and
feel sorry for myself. That’s easy. I could hold grudges, return pain for pain,
be vindictive, and be selfish. That too
is easy. These are the actions of the weak-minded, selfish, shallow, and
deplorable. They only breed onto
themselves and cause more of what hurt them in the first place. These become the ugly monsters in the
universe, spreading their disease like a zombie. Once infected, they spread their
hate to everyone else that dares to love or get close to them. I choose to be
different. I’d carry pain to keep from
causing pain. I’d give everything I had to prevent someone else’s
suffering. I choose to give the very
things I need most in my life. Because I know, that I know, that I know – because
I’ve learned – the only hope I have is to give love if I ever hope to receive
it. Real love. Not this imitation bullshit called passion, chemistry and
infatuation. Those are nice, but only
temporary and vain. Though most of the
world accepts that vanity, and never moves beyond it, confusing it for love, I
can’t. I’ve felt the real thing, so I can’t accept the imitation.
If I have to
sit across the table from a thousand men, or ten thousand men, I hope to
someday look into a pair of eyes and see the love I’ve been waiting for, that I’ve
been sending out into the universe, hoping and praying it makes its way back to
me. And if not… then I leave this world
having sown love, hope, joy, goodness and kindness… so that maybe someone else
doesn’t only meet made monsters.
This song sums it up perfectly.
You could spend your whole life building something from nothing, and a storm could come and blow it all away… build it anyway.
You could chase a dream that seems so out of reach, and you know it might not ever come your way… dream it anyway.
God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good. And when I pray, it doesn’t always turn out like I think it should… but I do it anyway. I do it anyway.
This world’s gone crazy and it’s hard to believe that tomorrow will be better than today… believe it anyway.
You could love someone with all your heart for all the right reasons, and a moment they could choose to walk away… love ‘em anyway.
God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good. And when I pray, it doesn’t always turn out like I think it should… but I do it anyway. I do it anyway.
You could pour your soul out singing a song you believe in, but tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang… sing it anyway. Sing it anyway.
I sing, I dream, I love ….anyway.
