Rational Debate

In light of the recent news reports, political pundits, protest riots, looting, and argumentative angst on both sides of the issue concerning the fatal shooting in Ferguson, I’ve tried to remain quiet and not respond emotionally.  I’ve listened to the various arguments and have tried to see things from all perspectives. I have to say I don’t get most of them – on either side of the issue.  I’m so sick of all the race baiting and bashing in this world. We are human beings – all of us, yet we sometimes act worse than the most rabid of animals.

I’ve been so frustrated without realizing why I’ve been frustrated.  I believe it’s due to the fact I’ve been unable to verbally express what’s been rolling around inside my mind and heart, because honestly I felt like it didn’t matter anyway and there was really no one that I could share my true thoughts and feelings.  Not because I don’t have anyone to listen, but I feel there are very few who CAN listen – hear me without bias, without prejudice, without judgment, without a PC or anti-PC or victim’s mentality who would try and stuff me into one of their preconceived boxes.  I’ll either be labeled a racist or fascist – instead of a rationalist. 

There really isn’t such a thing as a rational debate anymore – there’s a contest to see who can shout the loudest, who can incite the more powerful emotional response, and who is right or wrong.  It’s not about the issues anymore – because everyone is now a victim, everyone is now more concerned with being heard and being right than being reasonable.   I honestly gave up the hope of hearing or witnessing a rational debate until a friend of mine shared his frustrations with me this morning.  I feel honored and privileged he shared his wise thoughts with me – because his words freed me.  He was able to verbalize what I could only feel for so long. 

“Claiming victory over a debate is wrong on so many levels.  There are no winners or losers.  It’s an exchange of ideas.  That’s the bottom line.” ~ Sergeant T. Emilio Solano “If we’re going to outrage about something, it should never be one-sided.  We should focus on the act and the bottom line, not the reasons.  Murder is murder.  If a black guy shoots a white guy or vice versa, it should not matter to the level of outrage.  It’s a man killing a man.”

I couldn’t agree more. I honestly feel that when we focus on the race of the victim or perpetrator that is the moment we dismiss the humanity and all rationalization.  Responses from that moment forward become not about the crime/act, but about the skin.

Sergeant Solano continues, “Why are we so infatuated with the reasons?  Does it really matter?  A crime was committed.  Harm was done.  Does it matter who or why?  Reason should only matter on self-defense cases.  That’s it.  A community of poor uneducated people (the majority are) should not care if a white cop shoots a black dude.  Do we revolt when a black man shoots a white man in a trailer park?  I’m tired when any minority cries out about how bad they have it, or how underprivileged they are.  If you want to succeed - go to school and make a better life for yourself.”

Again, I couldn’t agree more.  My friend is a great example.  He is man of mixed races, born in the Dominican Republic and not of privilege, yet has worked hard to make something of himself.  He doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, and takes pride in all he sets himself to do – working with excellent ethics for nearly 15 years in the Army. He's been in combat, is a leader, a teacher, a role model, and my admiration and respect for him is intangible. The way his subordinates respect him is not something given or granted, but earned.   It’s also something very lacking in pop culture today. 

I made the response to him, “We live in a PC world where everyone is a victim.  You’re of a different mindset.  You see individuality and personal responsibility, and that, my friend, puts you into another minority.”

He responded, “In nature, victims get eaten.  In humanity, those who want to play the victim and not strive to change should be purged. We don’t need their sorryness (I know… it’s not a real word) around the rest of us who strive every day.  Nobody really cares if you’ve been oppressed, enslaved, or abused.  Grow up, become stronger, educate yourself, and work hard.  We all have the same opportunities.  Nobody cares about your sorrows.” 

If we all look into our own closets, we ALL have been victimized in some way.  We have ALL felt and experienced some form of oppression, enslavement, or abuse.  EVERY ONE of us (black, white, rich, poor and every box we’ve created between).  These experiences all lend to reasons for how we react, but they’re not excuses.  There are really no excuses for repaying one bad deed with another.  Our response is truly what separates victims from survivors - from those who fail and those who overcome.

Let’s be human beings, love one another as humans, and care for one another as humans.  Let us examine all things with rational debate – remove the race, the hate, the prejudice, the boxes, and the victimization.  Let’s talk to each other, not at each other. 

I love and admire my friend very much.  He’s not bad to look at either, but it’s his mind for rational debate that makes him truly beautiful.

Till next time

~T.L. Gray

Cycling Trivialities

My post this morning is inspired by Jose Gonzalez’ song “Cycling Trivialities”.  You can listen to it here on YouTube… http://youtu.be/RknUh1LapJs?list=AL94UKMTqg-9COSk53zABGSE2rVRux8vJn


How often do we spend our lives chasing things over and over in a vicious cycle that has no meaning, that bring nothing into our lives? Insignificance is what steals our joy.  But I have to be careful to not discard those things, those hard things, or even those simple things, that have filled my life with meaning.  On the surface they may have seemed insignificant, but often held the most importance of all.

I can’t get a quote out of my head that my friend, Sergeant Solano, wrote to me last week.  “Just because you do the right things, doesn’t mean you’re right.  History determines if you made the right choices, and that great revelation doesn’t come until the end of your life, right before the clarity of regret shows you the light.”

I’m turning 43 this week.  It’s not a big deal.  I’m not one of those women who shy away from their age.  Probably because I feel and look younger, which is also probably why most of my dates tend to be younger than me, too. I suppose I’m just too energetic, too active, with a sense of too much to do for some older man ready to retire and relax.  I’ve just got started.

The only thing that makes me apprehensive about my age is knowing the clock is ticking down.  I’ve watched 43 years move by me and I’ve done some great and terrible things. I’ve experienced joy and pain. I’ve witnessed horror and beauty.  I’ve loved and lost.  I’ve laughed and cried.  I’ve lived and died.  All of it has made me who I am.

Could I have made better choices?  Sure.  Looking back we can always see where we could have changed our lives, but that’s not how life works.  Those bad choices, or bad circumstances, helped make me who I am. I have very few regrets, because I know I’ve mostly lived my life honestly, being me.  Fearing bad choices keeps us from making any choice.  I can’t live like that – no one can. That’s not living… that’s going around and around in a cycling triviality… and it’s stealing our lives. If I could tell my 23 or 33 year old self what I know now, I could have saved myself a lot of heartache.  But then again, I wouldn’t be me.

There are some choices I would love to make, but they’re are not up to me.  They involve other people and their free will.  I can’t make someone else love me, choose me, or want me. If I could, I’d make the whole world love me.  I was loved once, but couldn’t see it because I was busy looking for a dream, a fantasy, an idea - I was searching for a feeling, a magical knowing, chasing a cycling triviality. I couldn't recognize the real thing right in front of me.

We fool ourselves into thinking we know what we want and create this image of perfection in our minds, and quickly dismiss anything that doesn’t fit that fantasy.  I got to see real love in front of me in the face of a determined soldier, got to feel the completeness of that love for two whole days, and then he was taken from me. But, even that taught me something very important.  The best way I could honor that love is to see myself the way my lost soldier saw me, to love myself with that unwavering love.  The way he loved me, never giving up, is the way I choose to love.  I think that if he could see me now he’d be so proud of the way I pulled myself out of that darkness and am now putting myself out there.  He’d want me to find another love.  Perhaps he will be the one to send him my way.

What have I truly learned from my own cycling trivialities? Outward beauty fades, bodies get old, faces get wrinkled, and no one is perfect.  Sex is great but has little to do with love.  The best things in life are when you touch a soul, stimulate the mind, laugh, see the world with peculiar eyes, notice the light in someone, and understand they’re more than a name, a face - that they matter, that you matter.  That’s really all that is important.  Everything else can be worked out.   How many divorces or failed relationships do we have to experience before we stop the insanity of looking for the same thing over and over and over, yet expecting it all to work out differently? Cycling Trivialities.  Let history determine that you lived honestly, openly, and took the biggest gamble of all – to love and be loved.

Lyrics:

Too blind to know your best.
Hurrying through the forks without regrets.
Different now, every step feels like a mile.
All the lights seem to flash and pass you by.

So how's it gonna be.
When it all comes down you're cycling trivialities.

Don't know which way to turn.
Every trifle becoming big concerns.
All this time you were chasing dreams,
without knowing what you wanted them to mean.

So how's it gonna be.
When it all comes down you're cycling trivialities.
So how's it gonna be.
When it all comes down you're cycling trivialities.

Who cares in a hundred years from now.
All the small steps, all your shitty clouds.
Who cares in a hundred years from now.
Who'll remember all the players.
Who'll remember all the clowns.

So how's it gonna be.
When it all comes down you're cycling trivialities.

So what does this really mean.
When it all comes down you're cycling trivialities.
Cycling trivialities.
Cycling trivialities



Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

4 For The Core

With reaching the 90lb loss benchmark of my 17-month get healthy journey, it’s again time to change my routine.  I believe that’s been one of the biggest keys to my continued success.  I like routine, but routine can become uninspiring and boring, causing me to lose interest.  Being healthy and active should never become boring - much like a relationship and requires constant work.  But it’s not going to change by itself.  It will take just as much dedication and determination from you in the middle of the journey as it did at the start.  There is no end, so don’t set one.  This isn’t a temporary fix - it’s a lifestyle, something that will carry you through until the day you no longer care about your health.  This is a battle of the mind.  You have to decide that you’re going to fight it to the end, never giving up, never surrendering.  If not, you’re wasting your time.

Routine also causes your body to hit plateaus, because it gets used to the effort you’re putting into changing it.  It doesn’t want to work.  It doesn’t want to change. It doesn’t like to be pushed, denied, stretched, exhausted, or exercised, and will fight you. It would rather be pampered and lazy. However, it can come to love the benefits and rewards of a good workout.  It will walk straighter with pride and confidence as it gets healthier, stronger, and sexier.  It will reward you with a rush of endorphins and pleasure.  Greater activities become possible and making love becomes so much more fun because you’ll have more stamina, strength and sexiness.

 

Speaking of sexy, and totally getting back on my initial topic of changing up my routine, I asked my good friend, Sergeant T. Emilio Solano – Army Drill Sergeant at Fort Benning to recommend a good workout to target my middle and lower body specifically.  He recommended 4 for the Core + a 1-minute plank. 

Wow! Ouch! Umph! … Whew! These may seem like simple moves, but they’re not!!!!  Within 15-20 seconds of the first routine, my muscles began to shake from strain.  I wasn’t able to hold each position for the full minute as required, but I’ll keep it up until I can.  I made it on average about 15-30 seconds for each one.  I repeated the process twice, but I’d like to be able to hold the positions correctly for the full minute each. I broke more of a sweat with these five moves than I do when I run a mile. I now have a new goal.

Thank you, Sergeant Solano! 

I’ve included a video below for those of you brave enough to try this on your own.  Take control of your body. Take control of your health.  Take control of your life.  When it gets hard, tell yourself you deserve to be happy, healthy and sexy as hell.

http://www.armyprt.com/special_conditioning_programs/4-for-the-core.shtml Army Physical Readiness Training: 4 For The Core The abdomen, lower spine, and pelvis comprise the trunk (core) of the body. This area must be stable so the limbs have a fixed base from which to create powerful movements. The abdominal and back muscles form a supportive ring around the spine. Soldiers are only as strong as their weakest link; so all these muscles must be trained in a manner that mimics their function. In reconditioning, 4C and HSD are performed daily before engaging in other PRT activities. During the toughening phase, 4C is performed after preparation and prior to strength and mobility activities. Four for the core may also be performed outside regular PRT sessions as supplemental training. Do not exceed 60 seconds for each 4C exercise. The following commands are used for 4C exercises. Exercises 1 and 3 (bent leg raise and back bridge): Starting Position, MOVE. Ready, EXERCISE. Starting Position, MOVE. Position of Attention, MOVE. Exercises 2 and 4 (side bridge and quadraplex) are both performed on the right and left sides. The commands for execution for this exercise and changing sides are as follows: Starting Position, MOVE. Ready, EXERCISE. Starting Position, MOVE. Change Position, Ready EXERCISE. Starting Position, MOVE. Position of Attention, MOVE. The goal is to hold each exercise position for 60 seconds. If the Soldier is unable to do this, he will follow the instructions for each exercise to momentarily change position and return to the prescribed exercise position. Detailed descriptions of each 4C exercise follows.

From: FM 7-22 October 2012    (Page last modified Feb 1, 2013)

Related links 4 For The Core Exercise 1: Bent-Leg Raise 4 For The Core Exercise 2: Side Bridge 4 For The Core Exercise 3: Back Bridge 4 For The Core Exercise 4: Quadraplex

Don’t give up.  You can do this.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

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