Reload and React

Many days and many times I run out of energy. I am made of energy and everything I do requires energy -  energy to move, energy to dig in, energy to keep going, energy to talk, energy to feel, energy to stay positive, energy to work, energy to play, etc.  ON the downside, it also takes energy to cry, energy to hurt, energy to worry, energy to stress, energy to fret, and energy to be angry.

 Energy is the strength and vitality required for sustained physical or mental activity. Motivation is stored positive energy. Inspiration is the birth of energy. Isolation is my way to protect my energy. Procrastination is the reluctance to expel or use energy.  It’s the source of my vitality, it what animates my life, it’s what fuels my passions, stirs the fires within my soul, it strengthens my desires, is the source of my strength and stamina.  It’s another name for drive-desire-determination. 

So what happens when I am empty? When I’ve made decisions in my life that expel and use more energy than I produce and store?  My gas tank runs dry, my guns have no ammunition, and my reserves are empty.

Life is about balance.  ALWAYS balance.  If I want something different to happen in my life, I have to do something different.  If I want to use energy, I must learn to store and build the same amount of energy. But often I’m unbalanced, using more than I stored, burning my gears, becoming exhausted. 

Love is energy, but that too has to be in balance. If I love more than the amount of love I receive, I’m unbalanced and will burn out.  If I receive more love than I give, I’ll become complacent and take advantage and become dependent on its source.  But, then what happens when that love disappears from my life because it’s been exhausted? Will I have anything stored?

That’s not how energy works.  That’s not how love works. Neither has a shelf life. It’s a force that needs constant motion or movement, it’s always building or breaking, growing or dying.  The more I pour in, the faster and harder I can go – in the present. I can’t store it in now and expect to use it in 20 years. Stored energy needs to be used quickly and soon. Stored love is to be used in the present. 

At some point I have to learn to pour in, to build, to store at the same time, and with the same measure I’m using and consuming. I want energy in my body, so I make decisions in my life that help me build energy on a daily basis to balance out my daily workout routines that require a lot of energy, especially this new routine my boyfriend created for me. I want to be productive at work every day, so I have to make sure I get rest the night before – every day.  If I don’t build and store every day, I won’t be able to work out every day.  If I don’t work out every day, I won’t get the results I need. If I fall asleep at work every day, I will eventually lose that job.

So, don’t forget to reload – everything you will need - every day. But don’t just reload.  Once you’ve got your daily dose, REACT – use the energy you’ve built for the thing you’ve built it for.  Don’t look at me like you don’t know what I’m saying. Some of you just realized you don’t have, or you can’t, or you stopped, or you failed …because you haven’t been reloading your reserves. You’ve been wondering why there’s some emptiness in your life or why something isn’t working. You won’t get to the gym diligently everyday if you’re not being just as diligent in your diet and sleep – everyday. If you’re not loving, respecting, appreciating others, then don’t fucking expect it in return. It’s insane to expect something for nothing, yet we live in a society that believes in that fairy tale. I see it every day. People want healthy fit bodies AND eat pizza while sitting on their asses all day playing video games.  They want money, but not the job required to earn it. If you want energy, build energy.  If you want POSITIVE energy, then put Positive measures into place and be positive, even when the rest of the world is a bitter asshole.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Whatever It Takes

How many of us say this, and convince ourselves we believe it, but don’t do it?  Will I really do ‘whatever’ it takes?  How about when it gets hard? When no one else believes and supports me? When there’s no reward? No accolades? When it hurts? When it costs? When it requires me to give up someone or something else I love? When it doesn’t match my dreams or imagination?

Right now I’ve been doing this new workout program my boyfriend created for me. I suffer. It hurts me. It pushes me. I have to fight the fifty excuses screaming at me every morning, telling me to go back to bed, taunting me that it isn’t working, I’m wasting my time.  Yes, knowing I’m about to go suffer, I get up, put on my gym clothes, tie my hair in a ponytail, and then drive to the gym.  EVERY exercise hurts, and then the last of each set where I have to take myself to muscle failure – makes me want to throw up. But, I do WHATEVER it takes. I quit focusing on the pain I’m feeling and KNOW I’m going to feel throughout the day and then what I’m going to feel through the night and tomorrow, and focus on the next success.  

Do I love to suffer or feel pain? Hell NO!  But, what I do love more than the pain and suffering is being strong, healthy, and active.  I’m 48. My body is ready to start resting, slow down, take it easy – but I’m not.  I’ve got too many dreams, too many things I still have yet to do.

I got pissed off and frustrated the other day because I wasn’t strong enough to carry my kayak on my own.  I’m going to fix that problem, watch me. I’ll do whatever it takes. I haven’t figured it out yet, but I’m thinking about it. I love to kayak, I have a kayak, I have an SUV to carry my kayak, and I am not going to let being small and weak stop me from enjoying something I love to do. And I refuse to depend on someone else to do it.  Don’t get me wrong, if someone else is around, I’ll gladly and appreciatively use their help, but I’m not going to let the lack of help being available stop me.

I made a promise to myself a few years ago I wasn’t going to let the actions or inactions of others stop me anymore for doing what I want and love. I spent more than 20 years practically begging to go to the Grand Canyon. We had the means, time, and opportunity, but no one else wanted to go, so I allowed my dream to be put on the back burner with an empty promise of the next year – that never came.  So, I made a vow to myself to not let other’s stop me from doing what I want anymore. I still haven’t made it to the Grand Canyon, but believe me – It’s in the planning stage. As soon as I have vacation time – I’m going to see that big hole in the ground, even if I have to go alone. I’ll do WHATEVER IT TAKES. I’m going to find a way to load and unload my kayak ON MY OWN – whatever it takes.

In my writing – I do whatever it takes. Writing is hard, it takes devotion, time, patience, bleeding your soul onto the page …and if I want publication – more hard work, being “on” in order to market, promote, engage, sitting at hot festivals, sitting on panels with a bunch of snobbish people, wearing thick skin from the opinionated bad reviews or advice from everyone in or outside the business who thinks they can write your stuff better than you.  Dealing with people …sigh.  BUT, I LOVE writing, it’s as much a part of me as breathing so when I set my mind to a project – I’ll do whatever it takes to see it fly onto the page and then out into the universe. I’m not going to let those things or people stop me.

In work, in relationships, paying my bills, providing for myself, life in general … I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ve only got me. I have people in my life who care about me, but I, ALONE, am responsible for myself.  I’m an independent single woman. I don’t have a husband to share the burdens of this life. My kids are grown and they have themselves to care for, and it’s not their job to take care of me. I have no parents. So, I must do whatever it takes. So, watch me do just that.

Till next time

Never Quit Never Surrender

I’d love to say that I’ve never quit anything, succeeded at everything I’ve set my mind to accomplish, but that would be a lie. I have quit. I have ran away. I’ve turned my back on a dream, on people, and even on life at times. I know how to quit. But, I also know the cost of quitting and it’s a lot more than what have cost me to dig in and keep going. I’m not just talking about the good things I’ve quit, but the bad as well.  I’ve quit smoking, I’ve quit bad relationships, and I’ve quit bad eating and exercising habits. Those choices may have been for my good, but they are under the category of quit.

So, to say “Never Quit” is to set a false expectation, a false reality, because there are times I will need to quit, there are things I will need to quit in order to succeed, in order to move forward, in order to protect and thrive. But what do I replace it with, because the sentiment is the same for those things I do want to achieve, I do want to succeed, and I want to conquer, because in order to do so I have to have this ‘never quit’ attitude or else I fail when it gets hard. Anything of value is going to get hard, guaranteed. What is the true war cry, what is the true sentiment, what truth can I grab hold of with both hands to be my strength and my shield as I go through my challenge?

Perhaps, “Never Surrender” is the better sentiment.  To surrender, means to concede, yield, capitulate, give in or give up, to relinquish control, to cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority.  

I have goals, dreams, and objectives to complete in this life – and they’re hard. My workout this morning is hard. My job is hard. Survival is hard. Trying to maintain a healthy balance of everything is hard.  Each of those goals and objectives has an opponent, an adversary, an enemy, and I must maintain control of my objective despite those difficulties. I cannot surrender or else I will lose everything I’ve worked for so far.

I made a meme this morning that hit my soul – that gave me that little extra boost to stay faithful and strong to my dreams. It says, “If you quit now …you’ll end up right back where you first began. And when you first began, you were desperate to be right where you are now.  See how far you’ve come? Keep going. Don’t Stop. Don’t Surrender. It’s in this moment, with this decision, that will determine if you fail or succeed …until the next moment when you must face the decision all over again.”

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Small Victories

I am having a great morning and I look forward to having a great day at work, and an even better evening. I’m actually really excited about a date I have planned tonight with my boyfriend Scott, and would love to spend this time gushing about it, but that’s not how these blogs work.  I made a deal with myself years ago that I would write as my heart leads – as openly and honestly as I can manage. It took me a while to learn to listen to that still small voice inside, and she’s become clear and pronounced.  So, no boyfriend-gushing and onto the message of the day - Small Victories.

Lisa and I have been working hard over the past several months, staying faithful to our workouts and the workout goals we’ve set for ourselves.  These are not earth-shattering choices, but they’re important to the two of us; important to the choices we’ve made for our lives, and the goals we want to achieve in them. Yes, we are those crazy people that get up at 4am in the morning and then freely choose to abuse our bodies long before we start our work day.  I take it a little extra step and abuse my mind too – in writing these blog posts every morning.  But, is it really abuse? No – they are small victories. 

Here’s the thing about small victories – they are the steps necessary to reach the big ones, and they are the things that give our lives their true value. I don’t know about you, but I don’t just wake up in the morning, grab my magic wand, and wave it around and all the things I want to achieve in this life and they just magically appear. Thank God for that.  Thank God that I have to work hard for the things I want, to provide for myself, to earn a living in order to reward myself with a vacation.  Thank God I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth or have had everything I ever needed given to me. Thank God I don’t have perfect genetics and a perfect body and have to work at it to keep it beautiful and functioning properly. Thank God I have weaknesses, and fears, and struggles. 

I know some of you right now are thinking I’ve gone off the deep end, because NOBODY in their right mind is thankful for those struggles and pains, but I am - because chasing those dreams, achieving those small victories, working on those faults and insecurities, and pushing past the pain ...those are the things that make me who I am and makes my life worth living.  It’s what creates in me a true appreciation for who I am, what I have, and pride for what I achieve.  It’s the “PURSUIT” of happiness that gives life meaning. It rising up from the ground after a failure that gives life purpose. It’s learning to breathe again after getting the air knocked out of our lungs that creates a gratitude in the soul. It’s learning to push through the adversity and finding the strength inside of ourselves to push a little farther, to push a little harder, to push beyond the pain and find our truth strength.  It’s learning to love again after getting your heart crushed. It’s all those life lessons that make us better people. We have an increasingly ungrateful society because we are not allowing our children to ‘work’ and ‘struggle’ for what they want and need.

Small and large victories are either won or lost at the moment of conception by our mindsets. No matter how strong we are, we are failures if we quit. We will quit if we have not already made up our minds that quitting isn’t an option.  I heard a phrase yesterday from author and Navy SEAL Jack Carr promoting his new book on Jocko’s podcast that struck a chord.  He talked about these tough, built, strong athletes that quit early into BUD/S training. He called them ‘fitter quitters.” These guys who trained for years to be in the best physical shape possible, thought they could succeed on strength alone, but they didn’t develop their no-quit mindset and that’s where they failed. They quit. They rang the bell.

We can’t develop a strong mindset without experience and training.  We are not born with a mindset that overcomes adversity. No matter how strong, beautiful, talented, or privileged we are, if we are weak-minded we will fail. My boyfriend told me last night to laugh at my pain and I’ll overcome it, because he understands the true struggle isn’t the physical pain but the state of the mindset when facing pain – that the mind controls my victory or failure.

So, my small victory this week is that I stayed faithful to my workout goals and I pushed through the pain, slayed all the available excuses, suffered through the struggle – keeping my eyes on the prize, knowing that my tribulations were temporary because I made up my mind before I began that I was going to succeed.  I wanted more of what was on the other side of my victory than what my body, mind, and senses whispered to me in the moment. It was a battle of will vs want.  It was a successful week – and I’m so proud of my small victory.

Ps. I’m also excited about my date tonight with my amazing boyfriend. LOL!

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Pushing Through the Pain

I want to give up – EVERY DAY.  Not every once in a while, but every single day, sometimes even more than once a day.  Every time my back hurts, my legs hurt, my butt hurts, or my arms hurt, I want to nurse it, massage it, heal it, and make the pain go away.  But, I push through the pain because I want MORE what’s on the other side of the pain than just the release of it. There’s no magic pill.

I want to give up – EVERY DAY. Not every once in a while, but every single day, sometimes even more than once a day.  Every time my heart hurts, I feel unloved, unwanted, lonely, or forgotten, I want to feel loved, wanted, appreciated, and make the pain go away. But, I push through the pain because I want MORE of what’s on the other side of the pain than just the release of it. There’s no magic wand.

I want to give up – EVERY DAY.  Not every once in a while, but every single day, sometimes even more than once a day.  Every time I hear about another senseless death, injustice, abuse, and the evil of humanity, I want to save the world and make the pain go away.  But I push through the pain because I want MORE of what’s on the other side of the pain than just the release of it. There’s no magic wish.

Pain hurts.  It sucks.  I don’t enjoy pain, but I don’t fear it, I don’t let it paralyze me, and I don’t allow it to stop me. I’ve learned that the best things this life has to offer are most often found on the OTHER side of pain. It’s found in the healing, in the compassion, in the overcoming, in the accomplishment, in completing the task, in the rescue, in the mercy, in the victory, in the results, in the kiss, wrapped in the arms of love, in tangled legs, in silly giggles, in making a difference, in having a purpose, and in taking a stand. Have no regrets.

The things that make life worth living are ALWAYS on the other side of pain, so we have to push through it and NEVER GIVE UP.  We have to make that decision EVERY DAY.  Not every once in a while, but every single day, sometimes more than once a day …as many as it takes.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Keeping it Balanced

Balance is the key to just about everything. As Einstein once wrote, “For every action there is an equal, but opposite, reaction.”  As human beings, we get off kilter, off center, off emotionally and off physically when we don’t have balance in every area of our life.  We need our Yin-Yang in balance and operate from a centered position. 

If I don’t eat a balanced diet, I will become unhealthy. Each of our bodies are different and have different responses, metabolisms, and digestive systems.  It is my responsibility to understand my body, and become a good steward of it.  It is my temple. It is my duty to nurture and protect it, and treat it with respect and dignity. While it is perfectly okay to treat it with delicious delights that tantalize my tongue, I must balance it with the nutrition and dietary supplement it needs. I have a slow metabolism and vitamin deficiency.  It is MY responsibility to make sure I eat the right foods to give me energy and nutrition, and take the vitamins I need to keep me healthy.

If I don’t get a balanced workout when I exercise, I will either not see the results I need or see too much results in what I want or don’t want.  My body is a machine and needs constant maintenance, and that is my responsibility.  It’s no one else’s job to get me to workout.  I love encouragement and support, and having a workout partner helps keep me on track, but it comes down to making a choice and seeing it fulfilled.

I have to balance work and play.  If I work too much, that makes me a work-a-holic and neglectful of my body and soul.  If I play too much, I neglect responsibility and accountability.  I must balance the two.  It’s important to have a job or career that gives a sense of purpose and pride and sharpens the skills within me to help me provide for my wants and needs.  It’s also important to chase my dreams and passions. They are important too.  Having a sense of purpose is important. Having drive and passion are important, but I must keep them in balance or they will become the harbingers of destruction or addiction.  Nothing hurts worse than having no purpose.

And then there is love and friendship … and those too must remain in balance. There are extremes from neglectful to obsessive, from fantastical to practical, and from underwhelming to over-bearing. Balance is key.  Love and friendship are important.  Any good relationship must have reciprocal feelings – a balance of give and take.  When there is unbalance, it becomes painful and destructive to both sides. 

Take time and look at life and see if things are in balance. If it’s too good to be true or just underwhelming – then it’s not in balance.  Seek balance in everything.  When someone tells you they are afraid to feel something, afraid to do something, or afraid to commit to something – run because there is no balance and there will be no peace.  They’re vampires – dead things seeking to such the life out of you until you are dead too.  Many people speak balance – but where there is no love, no passion, no drive, no responsibility, no faithfulness, no diligence, or no duty … there is no balance. Try driving on unbalanced tires - that’s how an unbalanced life feels.  I’m seeking balance.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Body, Mind and Soul... Let's Go!

Well, it’s a new day and I’ve got a lot of things bubbling up inside and I’m ready to start working on them. Last night I went on a date, and I think that will be my last first date for a while. It really confirmed to me what I want in this life and that I no longer have the patience or tolerance for anything that will distract me from that goal. I had a pleasant time, but I couldn’t wait for the date to be over. I don’t want to play anymore. I don’t want to keep getting disappointed when others don’t or can’t meet my expectations. I didn’t quite realize what those expectations were until this weekend. They’re quite high. I’m tired of being hurt or let down. I’m tired of putting my heart out there, when others are unwilling to put their own. I’m a risk taker. I’m an adventurer. I’m not lazy in anything, and that includes love.

So, what’s on the agenda? Well, that included a LOT of things: I’m working on body, mind and spirit. I’m going to really sharpen my focus on my physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

Let’s start with the physical: I’m healthy and active. I’m not skinny, but I’m not obese. I work out so that I will be able to participate in the activities I enjoy. Being single I am WELL AWARE of how important the physical body is when it comes to attractiveness. I don’t have an issue with it. I personally would never date someone extremely obese because it’s unattractive, unhealthy, and detrimental to my own healthy lifestyle; however I think a few extra pounds on a man looks good, healthy, and not so vainly arrogant. I do have a stereotypical reaction to men who are what I call ‘gym rats’ and I know it’s not fair. I’ll stop thinking they’re overcompensating for either a lack of intelligence or penis size if they will actually try to see a woman beyond the first two layers of make-up and skin. Don’t get me wrong, I love being sexy, I love men being attracted to me, and inside a relationship I love to have lots and lots of sex (I mean, really a lot of sex). But, I don’t fall in love with someone based on their sexual appeal. I fall in love with souls, not faces. I have loved some really plain faces that had such beautiful souls. Anyway, my physical health is very important to me and it’s time I amp up my workouts and start focusing on setting and meeting some physical goals for myself. 

1.      Body Boarding – I got to experience it for the first time on Easter, and I love it. I want to do more and do it often. During the experience I realized I need to focus on my upper and lower body strength because trying to get passed the breakers required a lot of energy. It’s the hardest part of the whole process. So, now that it’s getting warmer, I’m planning on spending more time at the beach working on my upper and lower body strength, simply swimming passed those breakers. I also want to start working at the gym/home with strength conditioning – using weights, yoga, and workout routines centered on strength training. 

2.    Bike Riding – I plan on doing a lot more bike riding around my town. Not only is it great exercise, but you get to see and experience the world around you with an open view. I see so much more when I’m riding my bike. I feel so much freer. I’d love to have a riding partner, but I’m determined to go alone because riding my bike also gives me time to think. With my job and all the other things I’m doing, I really don’t have a lot of time to think anymore. Everything is rush, rush, rush, rush. I’ve sometimes considered getting a physical labor job, because when my hands are busy my mind is free, but then I think about the heat or the toilets and change my mind. Maybe with a little more bike riding I’ll be able to figure out the perfect job for me. 

3.    Swimming – Because I do live near the ocean and have daily access to a pool, I want to become a really strong swimmer again. I used to be one, even competed for a time, but these last few experiences have shown me that I’m not that strong of a swimmer any more. Also, swimming is great physical exercise. So, I plan on doing a lot more swimming. Also, being in the water is really helping this white girl get a beautiful golden tan. I just hope I don’t get that dark leathery skin that makes you look old. I look so much younger than I am because of my porcelain skin. 

So my new workout routine will involve:

·         Monday – Friday: Early Morning Yoga, Afternoons - 500 Stairs, 30-min swimming, 3 miles on the treadmill, and strength training on the machines – targeting legs and arms. (12,000 min on FitBit)

·         Saturdays: Bike Ride & Beach

·         Sundays: Lazy Day – Off (Video Games/Writing/Binge-watching)

My new diet will include:

·         M-F Mornings: Grapefruit/Cheese/Coffee/Water

·         M-F Mid-Morning Snack: String Cheese/Trail Mix

·         M-F Lunch: Smart Ones – 3 Cheese Ziti & Water

·         M-F Late-Afternoon Snack: Cottage Doubles/Pineapple

·         M-F Dinner: Lean Meat/Green Vegetable/Starch/Tea (Less than 1000 cal)

·         NO EVENING SNACKS

·         Weekend Morning: Bagel w/cream cheese, bacon

·         Weekend Lunch: FREE – whatever I want

·         Weekend Dinner: FREE – whatever I want

I’ll blog tomorrow about my mind and my soul. 

Until next time,

~T.L. Gray

Livin' Out Loud - Liar

Our biggest obstacle when it comes to health, fitness, and even love, is our propensity to make excuses. We have them. We have plenty of them. Our mindset is where the largest part of our battle resides.

We lie to ourselves. We tell ourselves we need or deserve the destructive behavior we commit. We tell ourselves it’s okay to abuse our bodies, our hearts and our minds, after all it’s our period and we deserve that damn chocolate. We’ve been good and deserve to cheat on our diet. We did a lot more activity today than normal so we can skip our workout. We'll start tomorrow, and on and on. The excuses never stop.

Until we recognize we are out biggest abuser, see us for who we really are, we won’t win, we won’t succeed, we won’t break free. It’s nobody’s fault we are like we are. It’s not our past, not our genetics, it’s not our environment, it’s not the food industry, it’s not our religion, it’s not our disease, it’s not our drugs, it’s not ANYTHING but our own choices. We are exactly where we want to be, allow ourselves to be, choose to be, or choose not to change.

Only we can choose to put down the doughnuts, pick up the jump rope, and continue to make that choice everyday.

We don’t need to have a lot of money, personal trainer, expensive food, diet drugs, or the right workout clothes or equipment. Before we pick up or use any of these tools we have to first strip ourselves of our excuses, stand in front of our mirrors naked, look at ourselves in the eye, and truly see ourselves for who we truly are, not the lie we tell ourselves.

We are not victims. We are the abusers of our own self. We are the ones that gorge on the whole box of snack cakes, doughnuts, bag of chips, soft drinks, chicken nuggets, ice cream, and chocolate. We can take all the diet pills we want, drink all the diet drinks we want, eat off the little plates filled with seconds and thirds, but it doesn’t change that we neglect what we need, feed our feelings, and cheat ourselves out of living our lives to our best potential. We see ourselves as victims - and victims are slaves. We are slaves to our addictions. We are slaves to our excuses. We are slaves to our abuses. We are taskmasters to our own depravity.

We are the asshole that stops ourselves. Until we acknowledge our truth and see our truth, we can never change it. We're killing ourselves. We are an abuser, a neglector, and a selfish bitch. Stop lying to our selves. Have the courage to face our own truth and learn to live.

Then… naked, bare, exposed, and determined… change our story, change our stars, change our life.

Till next time,

Freed Slave, Survivor

My Livin’ Out Loud Formula - Healthy Eating

Many of you have followed me for years and have witnessed my journey into health and fitness.  Some of you are just cyberly meeting me for the first time. For those of you who don’t know me, you don’t know that I’m not the same person I was a few years ago… I’m a new person in body, mind, soul and spirit.  I’ve entered a new phase in my life, one that was a very hard change, a dramatic change, but a good change.  There have been a lot of mountains I’ve had to climb, and along the way so far I’ve done some very amazing things at I’ve crested some of those mountains, and have also found myself tumbled, tossed, and on my face at the bottom of others. But in all of them, I’ve been livin’ out loud as evidenced here on this blog; my high points and my low ones.

This morning I’m going to focus on health and fitness.  I’ve spent a lot of blogs on spiritual and emotional issues.  Health and fitness is very much spiritual and emotional, but I want to focus on the physical aspect today.  I’ve once again brought my focus back to my health.  I haven’t been ignoring my weight goals, I’ve just had the majority of my focus in other areas that needed more attention.  But, it’s that time again to bring back balance to my health and fitness aspect of this loud life. 

Balance is key to everything. I mean everything.  But today I’m going to focus on balance in diet and exercise.  I really hate the word diet, because I really don’t diet.  I have an eating lifestyle that works for my body.  I will admit I haven’t been faithful to my eating lifestyle because of many factors over the past 8-9 months because I’ve moved to another state, moved in with my best friend, and the many changes have just got me off schedule.  Yet, I’m getting back on schedule and slamming those ‘easy’ temptations out of my way.  It’s not about saying ‘no’ to the bad things, the foods that don’t work for your body, but about making sure your ‘yes’ are readily available so that your choice isn’t ‘no’ with no alternative. You should never forgo eating, exercising, or being active without a choice to make or else that’s just depravation and depravation leads to binge eating, failing at establishing a routine because you don’t see any physical results, and discouragement.  ALWAYS have a choice to make.  If you have fresh fruit readily available, it’s easier to forgo the donuts, especially when you remind yourself of the hard work you’ve done that week.  But, it’s almost impossible to forgo the donut if that’s the only thing quickly available. 

90% of the battle to eat healthy and be active is a mind game.  10% is determination.

Here are few tips to help you make those healthy decisions:

Ø  Use small dishes.  Get rid of your big bowls, big plates, big glasses.  Use salad plates as dinner plates, use small glasses (unless you’re drinking water – then it’s best to use a water bottle), and cook with small pots and pans.  You will be amazed at how much you will feel full when your small plate is full, yet in the RIGHT portion.  Portion is key.  Portion is balance.  90% of our bad eating habits isn’t always about WHAT we eat, but how much we eat.  If you can teach yourself how to eat the right portion, you can pretty much eat anything you want, because you won’t be overeating.

Ø  If you eat out, before you get your meal go ahead and ask for a ‘to go’ box and when your meal is served, go ahead and box up half or ¾ of the meal, and spread out the rest and then relax and enjoy what’s left on your plate.  Many times we keep eating what’s in front of us after we’ve reached that ‘full’ sensation in our bodies because it’s there and our minds are conditioned to clean our plates.  This leads to overeating and becoming unbalanced.  But if you do this simple step, you won’t have to ‘diet’ eating out, you just do it smart.

Ø  Select foods that work with your body.  Some of us are blessed with high metabolisms and can be more free with what we eat, while others have to be very selective because of slow metabolisms and be more selective.  Smart eating, knowing your body… truly knowing your body – not lying to yourself, will lead to more success in your journey to health and fitness.  Discover which foods help you, energize you, inspire you and work FOR you.  Learn to listen to your body and it’ll tell you want it needs – iron, protein, vitamins and energy.

Well, that’s all I have for you today.  I’ll try to touch base on some of the exercise tips next.  Just remember this if you take anything from this post today.  Your body is yours.  Don’t try to change your body to make anyone else happy, the world happy, or in order to feel beautiful.  Love yourself enough to want you to be the best you… for you.  Be the best, healthiest, most active, and happiest you… for YOU.  You are worth it.  It’s not about what size you are, how much you weigh, or how you look in a bikini.  Being healthy and happy is about lighting this inner radiance that can’t help but shine through you.  It’s about your essence, your Chi, and when this is in balance, beauty resonates within you and from you. 

Till next time,

Balanced Beauty

Gettin' Real

For those of you who know me and follow this blog regularly, the bluntness and openness in which I’m going to express this morning will come not come as a shock to you. But those who don’t normally follow my posts – well, you’re in for a treat today. I’m gettin’ real.

To start with, I want to celebrate a success. I’ve recently started a new workout routine called “4 for the Core” (*see post below) recommended by Army Drill Sergeant T. Emilio Solano. Today, I was able to reach my goal of holding the four core positions for the full minute required. I did it! It hurt like hell, my body was shaking, but I did it. In the middle of the last position, feeling so proud of myself for my accomplishment, I started balling my eyes out. Not because I reached another goal, but because I reached another goal.

I’ve come so far in the last two years, but not just on a physical plane. Actually, the physical is only a reflection of all the inner changes I’ve went through. The biggest of these changes have been my self-esteem. Please don’t misunderstand me. I’ve never had low self-esteem – as far as believing I was less than anyone else. I’ve actually held quite a lot of pride and belief in myself. However, there was a very long period in my life where I became numb and just didn’t love myself. I didn’t know how to love myself and I sure as hell didn’t know how to let anyone else love me either. While I believed I was capable of doing anything in this world, no matter how intellectually or physically challenging it posed, I wasn’t afraid to face those challenges. But, to put myself out there and let someone love me – scared the hell out of me. It scared me so much I hid from the world… behind a fat body. I noticed the heavier I became the less the world saw me. The less the world saw me, the less I could disappoint it. I didn’t do this consciously, but I can look back over the past 20 years and see how I disappeared, step by step by miserable step until I lost Me completely.

That’s not an exaggeration. Those who know me now, would have never recognized me just a few short years ago. Those who knew me a few years ago often don’t recognize me when I’m standing next to them. This happened the other day in the grocery store. I stood behind a woman I went to church with for nearly 15 years. She glanced at me, but had no recognition in her eyes. I smiled and was glad she didn’t know me. In truth, she’s never known me.

For nearly 20 years, I asked God and everyone around me – “Who am I and what am I supposed to do?” I could never answer those questions and they tormented me. I have over 40 journals FILLED with tear-stained pleas begging the answer to those two simple questions… to only be met with silence. I answered the silence with becoming what everyone else wanted me to be - what my husband wanted, what my church wanted, what my friends wanted, what my children wanted, what my boss wanted. I convinced myself being the best at these things defined my worth. It worked… to a point. Everyone valued me for what I was or could be for them. Opposition only happened when I began to make the decisions for myself and they proved to be contrary to the beliefs others had for me. In becoming myself I lost everything. I wasn’t loved for me – I wasn’t loved at all.

I have learned to love me – to love the woman I truly am. As I grow in that love, I’m transforming – literally. My body is changing. The woman I’ve seen in my dreams, I’ve caught her a few times looking back at me in the mirror. She wasn’t there before – always hidden behind a mask of professionalism, the cloak of religion, and the façade of middle-class piety. Guess what? She’s fucking beautiful, and sexy, and smart. I see her – all of her… all her scars, all her fears, all her love, all her hopes… and she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. She’s taught me to see the beautiful people in others.

I’m not perfect. None of us are. Entering the dating world has brought up other questions – What do I like, what do I want, what do I find attractive, what turns me off? What about me do men find attractive? What can I improve? I’m learning the answer to all these questions. Reading online profiles has me shaking my head and sometimes laughing out loud, because it’s made me realize I’m in a really good position because most people don’t know the answers to their questions. They don’t really have a clue what they want and what they like and hide behind their masks. When you don’t wear a mask anymore, you can tell when others do or don’t. Most often their expectations are unrealistic. (*see my upcoming post about The New Bachelorette - Dating over 40 Update), or they’ve convinced themselves of the good-sounding lie instead of the hard naked truth.

So, I celebrate my accomplishment. It’s one of several I’ve made this past week, this past month, this past year, and this past season of my life. I’ve still got a long way to go, baby… but I’m doing it. I’m living, loving, and learning. I can’t tolerate imitation any more. Only the real deal is good enough for me, because I’m bein’ real, getting’ real, and livin’ real.

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

4 For The Core

With reaching the 90lb loss benchmark of my 17-month get healthy journey, it’s again time to change my routine.  I believe that’s been one of the biggest keys to my continued success.  I like routine, but routine can become uninspiring and boring, causing me to lose interest.  Being healthy and active should never become boring - much like a relationship and requires constant work.  But it’s not going to change by itself.  It will take just as much dedication and determination from you in the middle of the journey as it did at the start.  There is no end, so don’t set one.  This isn’t a temporary fix - it’s a lifestyle, something that will carry you through until the day you no longer care about your health.  This is a battle of the mind.  You have to decide that you’re going to fight it to the end, never giving up, never surrendering.  If not, you’re wasting your time.

Routine also causes your body to hit plateaus, because it gets used to the effort you’re putting into changing it.  It doesn’t want to work.  It doesn’t want to change. It doesn’t like to be pushed, denied, stretched, exhausted, or exercised, and will fight you. It would rather be pampered and lazy. However, it can come to love the benefits and rewards of a good workout.  It will walk straighter with pride and confidence as it gets healthier, stronger, and sexier.  It will reward you with a rush of endorphins and pleasure.  Greater activities become possible and making love becomes so much more fun because you’ll have more stamina, strength and sexiness.

 

Speaking of sexy, and totally getting back on my initial topic of changing up my routine, I asked my good friend, Sergeant T. Emilio Solano – Army Drill Sergeant at Fort Benning to recommend a good workout to target my middle and lower body specifically.  He recommended 4 for the Core + a 1-minute plank. 

Wow! Ouch! Umph! … Whew! These may seem like simple moves, but they’re not!!!!  Within 15-20 seconds of the first routine, my muscles began to shake from strain.  I wasn’t able to hold each position for the full minute as required, but I’ll keep it up until I can.  I made it on average about 15-30 seconds for each one.  I repeated the process twice, but I’d like to be able to hold the positions correctly for the full minute each. I broke more of a sweat with these five moves than I do when I run a mile. I now have a new goal.

Thank you, Sergeant Solano! 

I’ve included a video below for those of you brave enough to try this on your own.  Take control of your body. Take control of your health.  Take control of your life.  When it gets hard, tell yourself you deserve to be happy, healthy and sexy as hell.

http://www.armyprt.com/special_conditioning_programs/4-for-the-core.shtml Army Physical Readiness Training: 4 For The Core The abdomen, lower spine, and pelvis comprise the trunk (core) of the body. This area must be stable so the limbs have a fixed base from which to create powerful movements. The abdominal and back muscles form a supportive ring around the spine. Soldiers are only as strong as their weakest link; so all these muscles must be trained in a manner that mimics their function. In reconditioning, 4C and HSD are performed daily before engaging in other PRT activities. During the toughening phase, 4C is performed after preparation and prior to strength and mobility activities. Four for the core may also be performed outside regular PRT sessions as supplemental training. Do not exceed 60 seconds for each 4C exercise. The following commands are used for 4C exercises. Exercises 1 and 3 (bent leg raise and back bridge): Starting Position, MOVE. Ready, EXERCISE. Starting Position, MOVE. Position of Attention, MOVE. Exercises 2 and 4 (side bridge and quadraplex) are both performed on the right and left sides. The commands for execution for this exercise and changing sides are as follows: Starting Position, MOVE. Ready, EXERCISE. Starting Position, MOVE. Change Position, Ready EXERCISE. Starting Position, MOVE. Position of Attention, MOVE. The goal is to hold each exercise position for 60 seconds. If the Soldier is unable to do this, he will follow the instructions for each exercise to momentarily change position and return to the prescribed exercise position. Detailed descriptions of each 4C exercise follows.

From: FM 7-22 October 2012    (Page last modified Feb 1, 2013)

Related links 4 For The Core Exercise 1: Bent-Leg Raise 4 For The Core Exercise 2: Side Bridge 4 For The Core Exercise 3: Back Bridge 4 For The Core Exercise 4: Quadraplex

Don’t give up.  You can do this.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

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