Sun-Kissed

I hear the sound of the pouring rain outside my office and I can’t stop the smile forming across my face. The tempest outside is loud. It’s hard. It wonderfully glorious. Not because I particularly like the rain, which I do, but because I feel as though my naked soul stands beneath a majestic downpour filled with new grace, new life, and new beginnings. I’ve carried around the ashes of grief long enough. I feel light. I feel …ready.

For the first time in my life my present, my life, and my future belong to me, and only me. I’m alive. I’m free. I won’t be chasing dead dreams, but dreaming new ones.

Love me, hate me, envy me, or despise me – I honestly don’t care. Just watch me - amazing things are happening!!!!!!!

It was once prophesied over me that I had been called before I was born, marked and targeted; that my life would be shattered into a million pieces; that there were several tentacle arms reaching out to grab and bind me and keep me from my mission; and that like a ship I would be dashed upon the rocks and left for dead. Yet a tempest would come and wash away the debris and I would rise from the wreckage with 9 stars above my head, sun-kissed, strong, wielding a sword, with coal-touched lips filled with words of fire that would weave its way through the universe and touch the hearts and minds of kings and priests.

When I heard that prophecy the creative writer in me thought it’d make for a good story, but was certain the minister who gave it must clearly be mistaken, confused, and perhaps a little crazy. But those words have never left me. I’d laugh them off at times, chuckle at their absurdity, roll my eyes at their sensationalism, and shake my head. I have no idea what it even means, but perhaps there’s something subconsciously inside me that likes the rain because I’m clinging to a hope for this prophesied relief.

It doesn’t matter. Whether the prophecy is real or a joke, I feel my soul dancing in the rain. I have been shattered, abandoned and broken as I tangled with death – death of a dream, death of a promise, death of a marriage, and death of a friendship – yet I’m still alive. Even cancer couldn’t defeat me.

What do I do now?

I LIVE!

Till next time,



~T.L. Gray

The New Bachelorette: Dating After 40 - The Rules

What are the new dating rules for the 21st century? I’m pretty sure I’ve broken them all already. I’ve kissed on the first date. I’ve immediately messaged after a date. I send texts when I want. I say exactly what I think, what I like, and what I don’t like. I talk about my past (that’s how I learned from my mistakes) and I talk about my future (what I ultimately want down the road – so neither of us wastes our time chasing different dreams). I talk about money, politics, and religion – enough to say that neither is important to me. I’ve had money, and I’ve been broke, I’ve been faithful and I’ve been disenchanted. I’ve tried to save the world, but now I just focus on saving me – and being in either state didn’t make me happy or fulfilled. I talk about my failures and successes. I discuss my dreams and my plans for the future. I lay it all out on the line. Either ask me to dance or move out of my way.

I never was one to follow the rules. Everything I’ve ever gotten in my life has been because I grabbed it – not worried about whether I was doing it right or not. Don’t get me wrong. I hurt just as much as anyone else when I lose something or someone because I fucked up and did something impetuous, or what the dating police would call ‘breaking the rules’.

The rules all come down to this:

1. 1 know what I want. I know what I like. I know what I don’t like and I know what I’d tolerate and what I won’t tolerate. This is because I love me and I’ve learned to put me first. I won’t give something to someone else that isn’t worth giving. I want to give my best – the thing I love most – the thing I cherish and respect most… and that would be me.

2. There’s someone else involved who has their own wants and desires. I’d expect nothing less out of him. I don’t want his leftovers or mangled pieces. I want his best. I deserve his best… just as he deserves mine.

However, getting to that part isn’t so easy. There’s this whole dance that must be performed and quite frankly I don’t have a fucking clue how the steps go. I find myself walking out onto the dance floor and getting lost in the moment, getting caught up in the music, letting my body move to the tempo, and expressing myself as authentically as I can. My dance may not be elegant, it may not be well-trained, and it may not move as my partner would expect… but it’s our dance. If anything - it’ll be honest, it’ll be heart-felt, and it’ll be sexy as hell.

I’m not a Barbie doll, but I’m beautiful. Barbie has no life, no brain, no independent thoughts. She’s just a piece of cold plastic. I have flaws. I have weaknesses. I’ve got wiggly parts and gray hairs and a few wrinkles. But, I’m one of the most passionate, spontaneous, adventurous people I know. Hot blood pumps through my heart. I feel everything – pleasure and pain. Dancing with me will never be boring. I may get really good at it – but even then I will dance as myself. Love me or leave me.

I’m not naïve. I’m not a little girl with little girl dreams. I’m a mature woman who has an idea what she wants in life and the balls to get out there and dance. I live exactly how I express in these blog posts. Those who know me in person, knows this to be true. I don’t hide who I am. I take risks. I leap. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I royally fuck up. But, I hurt just as much as anyone else. I’m afraid just as much as anyone else. I over-think everything. I’m passion personified.

If you’re lucky enough to find yourself on the dance floor with me – dance. Don’t worry about the rules. Yes, the world is watching, but if I’m dancing with you – you’re all that exists in that moment. When the dance is over – either you have enjoyed it and will dance with me again, or you’ll find another partner. I am not afraid to walk away, even if it hurts. But I refuse to dance with an unwilling, boring, or pretentious partner. I deserve to receive just as much passion and I give. So, if you’re not passionate – find another dance partner.

Those are my rules.

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

Love Your Body

It doesn't matter what shape you're in right now, learn to love your body.  Just as it's important to love your soul in order to love  and treat others with love, you need to love your body so you can learn to treat it right. Here are a few steps I've learned recently as I go through this new phase of my life that has led to my body becoming more fit, healthier, beautiful, and sexy.

1.  The first step you need to do is forgive yourself for the neglect or abuse you've put your body through in the past.  The past is the past.  You can't change it.  Face it honestly and then get over it. We've all abused ourselves in one way or the other.  While most of us could never even fathom the thought of neglecting and hurting someone else, we often don't give a second thought to the way we treat ourselves.  I've experienced all extremes   -from harsh rigorous training, pushing it to it's limits, to smoking, over-eating, neglect, lack of exercise, neglect, often hating it.  If we don't treat our own selves, our bodies, right, then we can't complain when it fights back

2.  The next step you need to do is respect yourself.  Your body is yours, you have control,  so value it.  It's precious.  MAKE TIME to treat it right.  Do what's best for it.  Protect it. Don't share it with someone who doesn't deserve it. Don't waste your time with people who don't respect, inspire, encourage,or respect you.  Don't neglect to share it with those who do.  Respect leads to confidence and confidence is the sexiest trait a person can have. 

3.  The last step you need to do is celebrate yourself.  Set definitive goals and then celebrate your achievements.  Humbleness is sweet, but it doesn't build confidence.  When you fulfill a goal, brag about it.  The only way you're going to appreciate yourself is to realize how great you are, and you won't know how great you are if you never celebrate your achievements.  Start out small, set some minor milestones and start celebrating when you reach them.  As a society we are so easy to criticize, but slow to praise.  I've learned being positive, proud and excited is infectious. When I smile, I often receive a smile in response.  When I laugh, it draws attention and people want to be around me.  When I praise my efforts and get excited about my goals and activities, I inspire others to join me.

The better your body feels, the healthier it is, the prettier, sexier, happier, and lovelier you feel. If you don't take care and love yourself, you can't expect someone else to do it for you. It doesn't matter your imperfections, because we all have them, when you love, forgive, respect and celebrate yourself -you will be beautiful.

Here's a few ideas: Exercise, ride a bike, hula hoop, eat healthy, dance, get outside, make love, wear flattering clothes, dress up, get plenty of sleep, take vitamins, treat it occasionally to an indulgence, do something new and often,  and tell it everyday it's beautiful and you love it no matter what - and watch it come alive.

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

My new goal today is learn to dance like Shakira in this video, Hips Don't Lie.  It looks fun, sexy, and a source of great exercise.

The Rumble of Thunder

The rumble of thunder and the tapping of raindrops atop a tin roof stir my imagination, and make me smile.  My sweet, you know the music I love best. Sing to me.  Stir my passions.  Take me away to where only the imagination can travel. Let us dance together heart to heart, soul to soul, spirit to spirit. 

The rumble of thunder and the tapping of keys atop my keyboard stir my imagination, and make me smile.  My sweet, you know the words I need to hear. Write for me.  Stir my passions. Let your prose be birthed from my heart, travel through my veins, and flow from the tips of my fingers. Let us write together heart to heart, soul to soul, spirit to spirit. 

We dance, we write, we laugh, we cry, we kiss, we sigh, we live, we die, together, you and I. 

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray