Being Motivated

Being motivated doesn’t have much to do with how you feel.  You can ‘feel’ motivated, but that doesn’t mean you are actually motivated.  Encouragement is when you’re having an emotional reaction to some outside stimulus.  You’ve heard a good word, you watched someone else achieve something and you want it for yourself, you’ve been encouraged by friends, family, doctors, co-workers, lovers, etc.  That’s all great, we all need encouragement at times.  We sometimes need someone to get in our face and tell us some hard truths, or whisper in our ear and plant dreams and ideas of something better than our current situation or state of being.  But, motivation is not an emotion, it’s a state of being.  The dictionary states: the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way; the general desire or willingness of someone to do something. It doesn’t say you feel good or feel bad.  Feeling good and/or feeling bad will drive the motivation, but it’s not the motivation. Motivation is the reason for the decision – it’s the driving force behind our actions in spite of how we feel.  Those actions will either make us feel good or bad, but our feelings are not our motivation.

Being motivated - making a decision for whatever reason – is not contingent on how we feel.  We don’t act because we are motivated, we are motivated to act because of decisions we make.

Motivation is a choice.  Motivation must be decided, and enacted, and that is done through discipline.  I am not motivated to work out because of how I feel. I am motivated because the facts are - I must work out to maintain a healthy state of being for my body.  Sometimes I ‘feel’ like working out and conquering the world, and other times I “feel” like lying in bed, eating pizza and hamburgers and being fed bon-bon’s by a handsome king.  So, my feelings are not what motivates me to get up every morning at 4am and head to the gym to work out – my knowledge and understanding of what it takes to remain healthy and active motivates me.  Being able to physically do the things I love to do like kayaking, dancing, having sex, etc motivates me to get up when I’m tired, when my body hurts, when it’s cold, when it’s lonely, when I didn’t sleep well, when progress is slow, when it doesn’t seem like anyone else in the world cares.  I go through the motions anyway – despite my feelings – because my motivation to achieve what I want is greater than how I’m feeling in the moment. That takes discipline.  As Jocko Willink says, “If you stop looking for a short cut …and find your discipline and your will, then you will find your freedom. Discipline = freedom.” 

So, stop lying to yourself.  Stop whining about not being motivated because you’re feeling lazy.  You’re not motivated because you haven’t found your reason.  Stop waiting on how you feel and start looking for your reason, that reason that is going to push you forward on the days you want to retreat.  Start looking for that reason that will drag you on when you want to give up.  Start looking for that reason that will go beyond how you feel and hold onto it tightly. Put it in front of you every day.  Post it on your mirror, your fridge, your door, your office computer, your phone so you can see it every day – and let that TRUTH be your motivation.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Triumphant Change

Woo-hoo!!! 90 lbs, BABY!!!!! I've hit the 90 lb loss mark since January 2013!!!!!!

No pills, no pre-packaged meals, no counting, no shakes or gym membership, no personal trainer or chef.

But before you think it was an easy, quick fix, let me reassure you - it was ANYTHING but easy.

The FIRST step: Changed my mindset. I quit telling myself I NEEDED all those things listed above in order to get healthy, because those are just excuses. Yes, I had physical problems, mostly due to my poor health and obesity. But to change it for good - to change the outside - I had to change my mindset that it wasn't just something I needed to do, but what I had to do, what I deserved. I deserved to be happy. I deserved to be healthy. I deserved to be sexy and beautiful.

The NEXT step: Changed my lifestyle. I quit sitting around all day. I started walking, scheduling outdoor activities, parking at the end of the parking lot - not the closest spot, started walking up stairs instead of elevators, started hiking, participating in 5k runs, and started exercising. YES it hurt... ALL of it hurt, but I didn't try to master it all at once, I just simply made it a necessary part of my lifestyle. I also didn't depend or count on anyone else to do it with me... because this journey wasn't their journey - this was mine.

The LAST step: Changed my eating habits. I learned to moderate the portions and types of foods I consumed. I didn’t follow a strict diet plan, just a principal... eat in moderation and as natural as possible. I can have ANYTHING (other than to what I am allergic) I want - as long I balance it out, eat an appropriate portion, and don’t feed my emotions. I learned to enjoy my food. I learned to cook gourmet food, to love plating, and to appreciate natural fruits, vegetables, and lean meats. I smile now when I go to eat, instead of looking at food as my enemy. It wasn't the food, but how I consumed it.

I'm sure I'll lose more weight, but my journey isn't just about the weight... it's about the freedom that comes from living a healthier lifestyle. I wish I could snap my fingers and be able to share this same type of success with everyone who struggles with their weight, but I can't. This is something that you have to want and do for yourself. The goal isn’t to lose weight, but gain a life of healthy happiness because you love yourself and believe you deserve to be healthy and happy.

I also want to add... I didn't do this alone. I have a couple of friends who loved me, encouraged me, and were there with me every step of my journey. They didn't run beside me, but they were there through all the tears and triumphs. They loved me - and that love pushed me forward. They know who they are (because both of them HATE any kind of attention), so I don't have to mention them here - but I love them more than I can ever express.

Till next time,
~The 90lb lighter T.L. Gray

http://www.tlgray.blogspot.com

http://www.authortlgray.wordpress.com

https://www.facebook.com/authortlgray

https://www.twitter.com/authortlgray

Love Your Body

It doesn't matter what shape you're in right now, learn to love your body.  Just as it's important to love your soul in order to love  and treat others with love, you need to love your body so you can learn to treat it right. Here are a few steps I've learned recently as I go through this new phase of my life that has led to my body becoming more fit, healthier, beautiful, and sexy.

1.  The first step you need to do is forgive yourself for the neglect or abuse you've put your body through in the past.  The past is the past.  You can't change it.  Face it honestly and then get over it. We've all abused ourselves in one way or the other.  While most of us could never even fathom the thought of neglecting and hurting someone else, we often don't give a second thought to the way we treat ourselves.  I've experienced all extremes   -from harsh rigorous training, pushing it to it's limits, to smoking, over-eating, neglect, lack of exercise, neglect, often hating it.  If we don't treat our own selves, our bodies, right, then we can't complain when it fights back

2.  The next step you need to do is respect yourself.  Your body is yours, you have control,  so value it.  It's precious.  MAKE TIME to treat it right.  Do what's best for it.  Protect it. Don't share it with someone who doesn't deserve it. Don't waste your time with people who don't respect, inspire, encourage,or respect you.  Don't neglect to share it with those who do.  Respect leads to confidence and confidence is the sexiest trait a person can have. 

3.  The last step you need to do is celebrate yourself.  Set definitive goals and then celebrate your achievements.  Humbleness is sweet, but it doesn't build confidence.  When you fulfill a goal, brag about it.  The only way you're going to appreciate yourself is to realize how great you are, and you won't know how great you are if you never celebrate your achievements.  Start out small, set some minor milestones and start celebrating when you reach them.  As a society we are so easy to criticize, but slow to praise.  I've learned being positive, proud and excited is infectious. When I smile, I often receive a smile in response.  When I laugh, it draws attention and people want to be around me.  When I praise my efforts and get excited about my goals and activities, I inspire others to join me.

The better your body feels, the healthier it is, the prettier, sexier, happier, and lovelier you feel. If you don't take care and love yourself, you can't expect someone else to do it for you. It doesn't matter your imperfections, because we all have them, when you love, forgive, respect and celebrate yourself -you will be beautiful.

Here's a few ideas: Exercise, ride a bike, hula hoop, eat healthy, dance, get outside, make love, wear flattering clothes, dress up, get plenty of sleep, take vitamins, treat it occasionally to an indulgence, do something new and often,  and tell it everyday it's beautiful and you love it no matter what - and watch it come alive.

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

My new goal today is learn to dance like Shakira in this video, Hips Don't Lie.  It looks fun, sexy, and a source of great exercise.