Budgeting - Our Time

Most often when we talk about budgeting we are referring to our money.  That is important and I will get to that later this week.  But, right now I want to focus on budgeting our time.  This will help us with our money and everything else. Time is the thing we lose more than anything. It keeps moving no matter what’s going on in our lives. It never stops.  Most of all, it never gives us back what time we’ve lost.  As the song states, “Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’ into the future.”

Time is also something we are only given a certain amount.  Some of us are given a little more than others, but essentially we all are given less than 100 years, or 1200 months, or 36,500 days, or 876,000 hours, or 52,560,000 minutes. Regardless of the overall amount we each have, we all have the same 24 hours in a day.  None of us get more or less than anyone else.  Our choices are what differ.  24 hours a day, every day.  That’s it, folks.  There are no do-overs, there are no second chances, and there is no re-start button – at least not with THIS life.  Time is also not guaranteed.  Our time could be up today, tomorrow, or at any moment.  I have suddenly lost people in my life, and their absence leaves a deep hole inside my soul. I one day will be absent and leave this world.  BUT, while I’m here, I want to make the most of the time I have, and in order to make the most of it, I have to budget and protect my time, just like I do my money.

Not knowing exactly how much time we have makes budgeting complicated. However, that shouldn’t stop us from planning, using estimated and approximated time in order to utilize it the best we can.  Time is a thief, it steals moments and opportunities when we allow it control of our decisions.  When we just ‘wing it’, we miss a lot of opportunity.  Though it’s been said opportunity falls into our laps, that’s not been the experience I’ve known.  While opportunities present themselves throughout our lives, we have to choose to seize them or lose them, and our lives will become a string of regret.

This is very important. We have to protect our time.  We have to be picky about who and what we allow into our lives. There are people and substances (substance abuse, addictions and distractions (yes, this also includes video games) that will steal our attention, distract our focus, waste our time, and destroy our opportunities. Misery loves company.  Laziness loves excuses. Train wrecks love to cause other train wrecks. Users seek to use up our opportunities and resources, and then move onto their next victim, leaving us empty. Addicts need other addicts. Losers make other losers. You are as successful as the company you keep.  You are who you hang with. If you’re surrounded by a bunch of losers, addicts, lazy-ass mother fuckers, cheaters, liars, thieves, thugs, selfish, self-centered narcissists … get the picture?  Surround yourself with people who are successful, driven, focused, giving, optimistic, wise, intelligent, and kind.  Make a plan for YOURSELF, and then stand back and watch to see who or what comes in to derail or support those plans.  While we would love to blame THEM or THAT, they’re not the ones responsible for stealing our time or destroying the budget or plans we’ve made with that time. WE ARE. We are the guardians and managers of ourselves, our time, our budget, our resources, our company, our friends, our drive and determination, and everything else we have and want. 

If we want to get ahead, enjoy success, fulfill our dreams, reach our goals, and live a life full of experience and adventures, then we must take a realistic look at how we spend our time, make the necessary and honest (often hard) adjustments, and then budget our time to meet those goals and dreams.  It can be done. I’ve done it several times now and I’m doing it again. I hope you come along with me. If not, then good luck to you, because I’m not going to stick around and allow you steal my time or derail my dreams. I love myself enough to cut you out of my time budget.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Moving Forward... Day 4

Moving forward has two key elements… moving… and then moving in a particular direction… forward.

So many times, we can get stuck in a moment, a mood, or a state of being. Whether that moment is good or bad, if we stay where we are we will die inside.  Life is fluid.  Constantly moving, constantly ebbing and flowing, our tides come in and go out, and our lives moves forward like the hands on a clock.  Tick-tock, tick-tock.

King Solomon said it best in Ecclesiastes: “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.”

The key is that our lives are comprised of all these moments.  We can’t be happy, successful, and in love all the time. If we are never sad, fail, and heartbroken we will never appreciate happiness, success and love. We can’t stay in one moment.  We have to keep moving through time, through life.  But, we must be careful and make sure that our direction is forward.  So many of us spend too much time looking backward. We can’t.  We must not.  Looking backward stops our forward motion. That time has passed.  It’s gone.  Grieve it. Let it go.  Look forward and hope for better days.  If it’s a love you can’t let go, think of the love waiting for you up the road. Give yourself time to grieve, but then get your ass up and move… forward. If your life is in shambles and everything crumbling around you… move, start planning the steps you need to take to pull yourself out of the hole, and then take a step forward, even if it’s just a small step.  One step leads to another, to another, to another, to another. Keep moving… and keep moving forward. 

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

It's Time

It’s time. I’ve been putting a majority of my life on hold, refusing to make any major decisions, actually panicking to do so. Not because I’m afraid of change, but because I’ve been grieving, grieving a life that once was and a dream of a life that will never be. This is part of the grieving process I find fascinating. Not in a good way, but as a point of observation and understanding. When we lose someone, or go through a major shift in our lives, we grieve the dreams that died because of the loss or the shift. I had many dreams that I’ve had to let go, and their loss broke my heart.

It’s time. It’s time to finally look at all the broken pieces and start putting them together again. I can’t remake the image that once was, but I can make something new, something beautiful, a new dream. For the longest time I didn’t want to think about a new dream, because I was still hurting over the loss of the old one, but I have to let it go and move forward. That’s how life works. I will die inside if I remain where I’m currently dwelling, because I’m just existing, I’m not living, I’m not dreaming. I’m afraid. I’m afraid to grab another dream, because what if I lose it, too? Can my heart take it? Can my soul bear any more pain? That’s been my fear, still is my fear, but fear cannot stop me. It’s time.

It’s time to pull the covers from the mirrors, to open the doors of adventure, and get back to my life. I had made so many strides forward before the detour of cancer and heartbreak interfered, but it’s time to get back to progress. Pausing causes roadblocks and complications. My life is somewhat a mess because of my inactions, my indecisions, my grieving, but it’s not hopeless. It’s time I quit existing and surviving from day to day to building a better tomorrow, to striving toward new success, new adventures, new opportunities. It’s time to get busy. It’s time to let loose the woman inside me, who for so many times and so many years made shit happen, accomplished amazing feats, and scaled mighty mountains. She’s amazing and the things she can accomplish are absolutely mind-blowing, and I’m glad to see she’s waking up and taking control. I’m so tired of hearing myself say, ‘I used to …” It’s time.

Is everything going to just magically happen, opportunities going to land at my door, miraculous blessings make all my dreams come true, love come walking through the door to sweep me off my feet? Not in my experience. No, the journey is just beginning, and every success I’ve ever enjoyed required hard work, determination, drive, energy, focus and sacrifice. It’s hard. It’s always been hard. But, it’s time.

The dreams I once had are dead; they’re gone. It’s time I start dreaming new ones. I don’t care what I used to do, what I’ve done, or what I’ve once achieved …I’m a new person. That person I used to be died along with the cancer that invaded my body and the ache that attacked my heart. Those dreams, relationships and aspirations died too. Will I do similar things I did in the past? Will I be a badass, a writer, an entrepreneur, a lover, an explorer, an agent, a gourmet cook, a fitness guru, a motivational speaker, a wife, a leader, a volunteer, etc.? I don’t know, maybe some, maybe none, but it’s time I start dreaming, and whoever I become – she’s going to be beautiful and amazing.

It’s time… it’s time to live. I’m turning 44 this week. I’m starting my life all over again. Watch out, because it’s going to be amazing.

Till next time,



~T.L. Gray

To Love Somebody

Change is a part of life they say. Who is they? (TPTB)The Powers That Be, the people in this universe who pay attention, observe, and speak about this life we live. Do they have all the answers? No. No one does. But we don’t always have to have all the right answers to understand parts of our existence. I know change. I’ve experienced it in many forms, and without doubt, without scientific evidence (though that really does exist), I agree with TPTB – change is a part of life.

I have a love/hate relationship with change. There are parts of it that thrill me while other parts scare the hell out of me, literally ripping my heart to shreds as I desperately cling to the things I don’t want to change. Yet, I also work like hell and push myself beyond limits at other times. I’m learning change defines us as human beings in how we adapt.

Life evolves. Love evolves. Relationships evolve. Understanding evolves. It all moves from one state of being and understanding into another, regardless of what we want or think. That makes problems for us, especially those of us that are creatures of habits. One thing I’ve learned – nothing stays the same no matter how much we want.

Who the hell am I to think I can stop change? I’m not God. Trying to stop things, or to make things happen, has only hurt me worse than has ever helped. I look around at my life and sometimes my hands start shaking because I’m so fucking lost. I see where I’ve been, but I can’t go back. I see where I want to be, but I can’t just go there. I want so many things, yet I am powerless to make any of it happen. The only choice I have is to breathe. But if you really think about that - I don’t have complete control over that either. I can choose to hold my breath, but there’s a safety mechanism in my body that when deprived of oxygen causes me to pass out. Once my conscious gets out of the way and goes to sleep, my body will resume it’s breathing due to natural self-preservation.

Life changes and so does everything in it. I’m not the same person I was a few years ago. I won’t be the same person a few years from now. The only thing I can define is who I am in this moment. When it comes to change, I will either learn to adapt and survive or suffer. I’m so fucking sick of suffering, so I must adapt. It’s only those who learn to adapt to the changes in life that succeed. I need to learn to adapt in everything… in how I live, how I believe, how I trust, how I approach, how I treat others, how I love. If you’ve followed this blog for any period of time, you’ll know that I only know how to live one way – honestly.

I can have all the best intentions, the best ideals, the best PLANS laid out for my life all the time, but change will fuck them up – every time, especially when it comes to love and relationships. Some days I hate myself for compromising, for being weak, mostly for being human and needing to bond with another human being. I want to be tough. I want to be independent. I want to be in control and strong and not allow another person to hurt me. So, I often isolate myself, put up my walls, and shut the world out – until I’m so lonely my body is starving for human contact. I want the fucking fairy tale, only I don’t believe in the fairy tale. But change will come, and there’s nothing I can do to stop from getting hurt. That’s the true lie I tell myself.

I listened to a song this morning, and it hit me hard (Yeah, once again a song tears me up.) It goes, “There’s a light, a certain kind of light, that has never shown on me. But I want my life to be only lived with you, yeah lived with you. There’s a way, everybody says, to do each and every little thing. But what good does it bring when I ain’t got you? When I ain’t got you? Baby, you don’t know what it’s like. Baby, you don’t know what it’s like - to love somebody, to love somebody the way I love you.”

Someday that certain kind of light will shine on me. I KNOW great love exists, because I possess it. I know others are capable to love completely- that somebody can love me – the way I love. It’s possible. Life is constantly changing – and one day it’ll change for me too, and this dark loneliness will go away. Even if not – I’d rather to have loved the way I have loved, than to have never loved at all. God help me.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

O' Time

By T.L. Gray

The last grain of sand has fallen through the hourglass, marking another passage of time - another year, another month, another week, another day, another hour, another minute, and another second has passed.

O’ Time, it has been the worst turn.

You’ve pulled me and stretched me to my farthest point, pushed me beyond my boundaries, plucked me out of my desolation and tested my limits. 

But you did not leave me to die.

You’ve wrapped me and folded me with the purest of love, opened my eyes to a beautiful world, allowed me to experience the touch of desire and strengthened my faith.

The first grain of sand will fall through the hourglass, beginning another passage of time - a new year, a new month, a new week, a new day, a new hour, a new minute and a new second to pass.

O’ Time, let this be the best turn.