The Whimsical World of T.L. Gray

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New Dreams

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Matthew Keith Reviews: Review & Giveaway -- Beyond the Tempest Gate by Je...

Matthew Keith Reviews: Review & Giveaway -- Beyond the Tempest Gate by Je...: Jeff Suwak's novella Beyond the Tempest Gate is the perfect example of a story that doesn't have to use filler or worry about a w...

My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark - Fall Out Boys

"My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark"

http://youtu.be/LkIWmsP3c_s

Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.
Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.

B-B-B-Be careful making wishes in the dark, dark
Can't be sure when they've hit their mark
And besides in the mean, mean time
I'm just dreaming of tearing you apart

I'm in the de-details with the devil
So now the world can never get me on my level
I just gotta get you off the cage
I'm a young lover's rage
Gonna need a spark to ignite

My songs know what you did in the dark

So light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
I'm on fire

So light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
I'm on fire

Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.
In the dark, dark
Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.
In the dark, dark

Writers keep writing what they write
Somewhere another pretty vein just died
I've got the scars from tomorrow and I wish you could see
That you’re the antidote to everything except for me, me

A constellation of tears on your lashes
Burn everything you love, then burn the ashes
In the end everything collides
My childhood spat back out the monster that you see

My songs know what you did in the dark

So light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
I'm on fire

So light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
I'm on fire

Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.
In the dark, dark
Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.
In the dark, dark

My songs know what you did in the dark
(My songs know what you did in the dark)

So light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
I'm on fire

So light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em up, up, up
I'm on fire

Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.
In the dark, dark
Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.
In the dark, dark

Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.

Image: http://b.vimeocdn.com/ts/434/934/434934876_640.jpg

Man, I really, really love the beat and the passion of this song. It's perfect for a good work out or run, steady and upbeat.
Yeah, that's me ... that girl in the gym or on the trail singing out loud to ear phones as she's running or working out.

I don't care. I can sing pretty good and I'm pretty sure most of the time in key - because I usually sing most of the song a'cappella.

I sing out ballads too. I also sing in the car and don't stop when I'm at a stop sign or red light and others look over. I can't let someone else mess up a good part in the song. I'm just not the type to stop what I'm doing because it may embarrass or make others feel uncomfortable. I am who I am. You either love me just like I am, or you can walk off and talk about the crazy girl. It makes no difference to me, because I'm the same always. You'll know what I do in the dark ...the same thing I do in the daylight. I don't have anything to hide. I'm not ashamed. I'm just me.

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
www.tlgray.blogspot.com
www.authortlgray.wordpress.com
www.facebook.com/AuthorTLGray
twitter.com/AuthorTLGray

+Fall-Out-Boys
+My-Song-Knows-What-You-Did-In-The-Dark
+Singing
+Exercise
+Embarrassing

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I Could Be Wrong

Yeah, you’ve heard it here. I’ve even went to the trouble to write it down so there’s proof of my admittance. I’m not one of those people who can’t admit when they’re wrong. In fact, I’d say I probably admit my failings, weakness and misunderstandings a little too much.

Admitting I could be wrong about something, doesn’t mean the choices or ideas I expressed were not what I thought were the best options for me at that time, or were the best according to my understanding, because that is where I find most of the problems lay. Not that I committed an intentional infarction, but that I operated mostly from a position of misunderstanding.

We, nearly all seven billion of us, have different experiences, ideas, hopes, values and morals that we draw from, react with, or use when it comes to the things we do and the choices we make. While we think we’re right in our own eyes, we’re essentially only right within our own concepts. Forcing someone else to respond or react to our outlined prescriptions is truly an invasion upon their will. It’s not that one is right and one is wrong – because by which standard is the measure for what is right and wrong?

Just because we don’t think and respond the same way, doesn’t mean our thoughts and actions are not valid. I have my own opinion, and I can make up my own mind, but my mind isn’t so adamant that it cannot see a different way or learn a different value. Compromise isn’t always giving up, selling out or surrendering in weakness – but often comes from a place of wisdom and enlightenment.

When I hear people say things like ‘there just isn’t a way’ or ‘I can see where this will pose a problem in the future’, or ‘this is just how I am’, I become sad. I know they’ve solidified their opinion and there’s no longer any hope for further enlightenment or compromise. I can’t promise I’ll always be right, or expect others to always be right, but I do promise to always do my best, keep an open mind, and be quick to forgive. That’s all I expect out of others in return. But, then again, I could be wrong.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Behind This Window

I stand behind this window and peer into a cold, wet world, but not with sadness. The silver raindrops of my soul have stopped falling and the sunlight threatens to break through the clouds.

I stand behind this window and peer into a cold, wet world, but with gladness. The colorful rainbows of my hope have risen and the dark clouds that threaten have dissipated.

Don’t give up on me. I haven’t given up on myself and I need you to help keep me strong. It’s so easy to stand behind this window and peer into a cold, wet world, but so hard not to open the window and let it inside.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Friday, October 18, 2013

Welcome Home

For as long as I remember, I’ve always dreamed of home. It was never a particular four walls, in a tree-lined street, or had a white-picket fence, but a feeling of being loved and belonging. I’ve imagined a moment when I walk across a threshold, and no matter what chaos stirred outside, inside I’d find safety, security and serenity. I’d feel a sense of solace and strength, a place to rest, lay down my weapons of warfare, and know I was connected in completeness with another life force. It’s been the greatest dream I’ve ever had, and the influence to many of my life-changing decisions.

I sometimes think it’s unfair that some people have this reality their whole lives, and often are unappreciative. They take advantage, use, or abuse the people who give them that sense, yet enjoy their benefits. I learned early that life is ever unfair. Had I not had the unfair life I’ve led, I doubt I’d love and desire that sense of home the way I do. But, then again, perhaps that would be better, because then I wouldn’t be left with this empty, unwanted feeling all the time.

I used to think this sense of home was a myth, especially after living for so long in what would be deemed the ultimate family dream. Yet, it was all just an illusion. I never felt loved, wanted or accepted. I always yearned still for my home as I did my best to provide such a sense for someone else. I’ve felt it, briefly, in what seems like a blink of an eye, but completely. So, I know it exists. That only makes me want it more.

Someday, someone will say to me “Welcome Home” and I will know dreams do come true.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

The Art of Cooking & Plating

I’ve picked up a new hobby, one that really brings me joy and also something I take pride in learning …and that’s gourmet cooking and plating.

I love food, but not in the addictive sort of way. I’ve never been controlled by fare, but I have grown to appreciate good flavors. I have also learned the hard way that some foods just don’t mix well with others and some are better for me health-wise. But when you discover the right mixture, the right portions, the right textures, the right consistency, and the right nutritional value, food can be quite enjoyable. I’m building quite a list of unique recipes, though I’ve yet to write any of them down.

That brings me to plating, which is really a new form of art. I love art of all kinds: paintings, photography, music, sculptures, natural exhibits, nature reserves, literature, dance, design and film. Creating a beautiful piece of art with the plating of food brings a smile to my face. It makes the process of preparing, cooking and eating so much more enjoyable. My focus becomes more on the presentation and taste than the idea of eating.

The last thing that makes cooking and plating dinner more enjoyable is the company. Dinnertime seems to be something that once was the center of family communication, enjoyment and social interaction. In today’s fast-paced world, dinner is often rushed, filled with processed fast food, or consumed on the run in our busy lives. In most ‘family’ restaurants the volume of food seems to be more important than the quality or display. While raising my children, dinnertime was an important part of our day, and it was the place I built the intimate relationships most with my family. Now I’m alone and often eat in solitary silence. However, I still cook most nights and now I’ve found the enjoyable art of plating.

I lift my glass to the hope that one day I will find that special someone to share my new gift and a great meal. Until then, I’m determined to enjoy the beauty of the art of cooking and plating on my own.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Picking Myself Up

I know what the dirt tastes like. I’ve had a mouth full of it so many times I can almost recognize the earthy elements and distinguish between the minerals, how the gritty grains get stuck in your teeth, and the metallic taste it leaves in your mouth. That’s the result of intimate knowledge. But, before you get too lost in this blog post, I’m speaking metaphorically here. Though as a very active and imaginative child, one unafraid and daring, I’ve had my mouth full of natural dirt plenty of times to be able to draw a complete illustration.

I missed my mark and have fallen on my face. It hurts, especially along the jawline, the end of the nose and my eyes are swollen almost shut. Yet, as I try and catch my breath, blowing dirt all into my face, my eyes and up my nose, I’m moving. My hands are firmly pressed on the ground and I’m pushing. I can barely bend my neck back and see anything but the ground beneath me, but I’m starting to make out the road set before me. My back hurts, my knees sting, and I smell the tang of blood in my nose, but I’m alive. I have survived and I am picking myself up.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

http://www.tlgray.blogspot.com

Monday, October 14, 2013

Mecca Fest '13

There are few things in this world I enjoy more than hanging out with fellow writers and artist, except meeting new and old readers. Most of a writer’s life is spent alone sitting behind a computer or in isolation somewhere as they get lost in their current work. But we have to be careful not to disconnect.

One of the most important and crucial part to a writer’s life, in my opinion, is interacting, learning, communicating, and being in fellowship with other writers and readers. No matter how much of an introvert we are, we cannot isolate ourselves from the very tools that are meant to sharpen our skills.

I learn something from every interaction I have with my fellow writer friends and responses from readers; every time. This past weekend was no exception. Though I’m exhausted, I enjoyed every minute of the 2013 Mecca Fest at the Carrollton Cultural Arts Center. When I move away, this will be one event I hope I never miss.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

http://www.tlgray.blogspot.com

Friday, October 11, 2013

One Hell of a Ride

This is a short story I posted for a contest. It contains characters of other stories I've posted here, but older. It didn't win, but I thought I'd share it here. Enjoy.

Pushing through the thick brush, Tammy shivered as a lone wolf’s howl rent the air, causing chill bumps to pop up all over. The silvery moonlight covered everything with a shimmering film, as a thick, green fog slivered across the ground.

“Let’s get the hell out of here,” Jude whispered behind her. “Why can’t we just go back to the campsite?”

Tammy felt something strong draw her into the woods. “I have to do it.” She knew the answer to her escape lay ahead, somewhere in a legend.

Jude growled. “I don’t understand why you have to do this. You’ve got nothing to prove to anyone, me most of all.”

“It’s not about you.” Tammy stopped, turned and faced Jude. She reached out and placed one of her hands on the side of his strong, bold face. “You’ve made your choice, now it’s time for me to make mine.”

Pushing forward, the sound of crickets and the smell of stagnant water assaulted Tammy’s senses as she sloshed through the soggy moss and putrid swampland. Her breath caught as she pushed through a tangle of dead branches and the skeletal giant of twisted, rusted iron appeared before her, like a ghost forming out of the mist.

“Holy shit!” Jude exclaimed from behind her. “That’s jacked up.”

Feeling her lips spread into a wide smile, Tammy answered, “I think it’s beautiful.”

“What the hell is a rollercoaster doing out in the middle of a swamp?” Jude scratched his head. “This isn’t right. This whole thing smells wrong.”

Tammy marched forward, walking between the legs of the coaster, which were buried deep into the soggy earth. She stared at the rusted frame above her. Jude followed close behind.

“This is the way out,” Tammy said as she climbed a set of rickety stairs to the tall launch platform.

“That’s ridiculous, Tammy. This is a roller coaster. It doesn’t go anywhere but in the same loop. It ends up where it begins.” Jude stood on the platform and pointed out into the foggy distance. “There’s nothing out there.”

Tammy placed a kiss on Jude’s soft lips and then stepped into the front car. She sat down and pulled the rusted safety bar into her lap. She looked back at Jude. “No, that’s not true.” Squeezing the bar with her sweaty hands, she said, “Staying where we are, going around in the same circles is where nothing lives.

This…” She nodded toward the rusted track. “…this is where living happens.”

Jude clenched his jaw and ran his hands through his hair. “That coaster is nothing but ups and downs, curves and hills. It doesn’t go any fucking where.”

“It’s life, Jude.” Tears welled in the corner of Tammy’s eyes. “It’s living.”

Shaking his head, Jude answered. “No, Tammy. That’s nothing but a rusted track. You could die out there. Just get the fuck out and come back with me to camp.”

Warm tears slid down Tammy’s cheeks. “I’m sorry, Jude, but I can’t go back. Being in that swamp, in that fog, in those woods …that’s not living, babe. We’re lost. We don’t know where we are, how we got here, but I can’t stay.” She wiped her cheek and nose with her shoulder as she gripped the lap bar. “This is the way out, I know it.” She looked up into his hazel eyes. “Please, come with me. I love you. I need you.”

Jude took a step back and shook his head. “I can’t. I’m not ready for this. I need… time.”

Tammy closed her eyes, pushing more tears from beneath her lashes. “I don’t understand, but I can’t make you choose.”

The coaster creaked and then roared to life. The metal rollers screeched across the rusted iron rails like the call of a banshee as it shifted and lunged forward into a slow crawl. Tammy looked back at Jude, “I will love you forever.”

“Please stay.”

The coaster entered the upward climb. Her legs shook in nervousness, her teeth chattered, and her heart pounded against her chest. She held her breath, not being able to breathe as the coaster reached the top of the summit.

At the pinnacle, she met deathly silence as the coaster came to a full stop. She looked over the side and below her a green fog hovered over the ground, exposing only the tallest peaks of the coaster. She saw no woods, no swamp, no platform, no Jude.

The coaster inched forward. She gripped the lap bar as her fear reached its apex. She let out a long, slow breath, released her grip on the safety bar and lifted her arms into the air above her head.

The coaster lunged forward and then plunged into an endless dive. Tammy screamed as loud as she could, releasing all the pain, fear and helplessness bottled inside. Every moment of rejection escaped into the air, and for once she felt truly free as the coaster raced along the rails. She would not close her eyes. She would not grab hold for safety. She wanted to fly, and that’s exactly what she did.

The dark green-gray sky turned to a bright-brilliant blue. The rancid reek of swamp melded into the salty tang of sea spray. The empty, hollow howls of lone wolves became replaced by the gleeful screams and peals of laughter from fellow coaster riders. Tammy grabbed the lap bar as the coaster came into the bay and stopped at a freshly painted platform. As she stepped from the car, she felt the dark memories of a beautiful pair of hazel eyes evaporate from her mind. A lone image standing on a haunted platform faded into a silver mist.

“Tammy!” A bubbly girl ran up to her and draped her arm over her shoulder. “So, how was the ride?”

Tammy felt as if she left something important behind, but she couldn’t remember what she forgot. She smiled. “That was one hell of a ride.”

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Tuesday, October 08, 2013

Being Hindered

Kalaloch Beach - Olympic National Park

Have you ever loved something so much, yet you can't have it, access it, or even be near it? Just thinking about it makes me sad, so I try not to think about it, but then trying not to think about it, has me thinking about it all the time. Being denied something you want more than anything in the world, leaves you with this feeling of anticipation and anxiety... and not the good kind. The kind that keeps you up at night and disturbs your sleep, because you're afraid you'll dream about it, and wake up crying. This happens quite often. But, I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of missing it. I'm tired of being denied it, but my hands are tied and there's nothing I can do about it.

So may days, so many moments, so many minutes I want to curl into a ball and shut the whole world out. Everyone else continues to move through the universe as if it's correct, on it's right course, and spinning as it's supposed to, but that's not the way it is for me. My world stopped turning, my equilibrium is off, and all the spinning gets me dizzy. I want it to stop turning, to start moving, to move forward, but my heart is lost somewhere in the past, in another place. My body is here, but my heart and soul is somewhere else, and that leaves me empty, void, tormented.

Have you ever had an out of body experience? That's what this is like. The empty shell is here in Georgia, but the real me, the part of me that is passion and love... it's left standing on a beach in the Pacific Northwest. It calls to me in my dreams, it pulls at me throughout the day, it yearns for me to return.

I will go home someday and reunite with my heart, and become whole. I shall walk the beaches of my dreams. I shall feel the cool breeze of the Pacific upon my face. I shall hear the sound of the wind rustle the leaves of the evergreens. I shall dance in the cool rain drops of the Pacific sky. Someday... Someday... I shall go home again.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

http://www.tlgray.blogspot.com

http://www.authortlgray.wordpress.com

https://www.facebook.com/AuthorTLGray

Monday, October 07, 2013

Being Okay on a Monday

I’ve got a lot of thoughts running around in my mind this morning. I actually slept well last night, only waking once, but able to almost immediately fall back to sleep. My slumber lately has been sporadic, in two and three-hour increments, the result leaving me in a sort of drudge. So, this morning, having received at least two three-hour deep sleep sessions, I’m refreshed, renewed and regenerated. Someone wished that for me yesterday. I can’t remember right off the top of my head who that was, but I so appreciate their wishes.

Knots of tension have built in my shoulders, but I’m hoping I can work them out this week, and keep them off. I’ve got a two-day festival coming up this weekend and I’d really like to be on my game. I want to meet readers with a positive energy, not a tired, worried, and stressed out countenance. They deserve better than that from me.

I’m also happy this morning, because I’ve reached a major goal. Last year was a stressful and successful year for me. It was filled with many, many major accomplishments and failures. I had two novels published and I went on a whirl-wind yearlong book tour and it was amazing. My book sales had never been better, and it looked like my career was finally taking off. But amid all that joy I saw the dissolution of a 20-year marriage, felt the separation of my children becoming adults, faced the start of menopause, experienced the loss of some close friends, and struggled with a serious crisis of faith. Over the past two years I’ve gained a lot of weight nearly 100lbs. It built so gradually, yet consistently. I just got into a funk of saying, “I’ll work on it later.” Then when I would get those bursts of desire to do something about my health, some crisis would happen and delay or roadblock my efforts. Though I wasn’t gorging or purging, I was nursing my broken heart by not fighting, feeling defeated, like a failure, really almost to the point of giving up on everything, even living. There were many days I just literally wanted to die because facing the day was too hard. Well, this manifested in my body. But, my spirit inside wouldn’t let me give up. Though my world crumbled around me, and everything I knew and was familiar disappeared, along with my sense of security and stability, I was stripped down to nothing but love. I realized I loved me and I deserved to live, deserved to love, deserved to be happy, deserved to be free, deserved to fly. So, in the midst of my failure, in the middle of my crisis of faith, I vowed to fight, to live, to love, to pick myself up and take ONE step… just one step every day toward the me I deserved to be.

I’ve taken a LOT of steps since that New Year’s resolution, that promise to myself. I can’t say that everything has worked out perfectly, or that I’ve conquered every mission in front of me, or that I’ve succeeded in everything. In honesty, I’ve probably failed more than I’ve succeeded, but I still get up every morning and take ONE more step. My life is changing. I’m reaching small goals and getting closer to bigger ones. I can feel myself on the edge of this darkness and know I’m getting closer to the light, closer to a breakthrough. I’m still scared. My heart is still very much wounded, but it continues to heal, to beat, and I continue to breathe. I continue to move forward.

Today, I celebrate a 70 pound weight loss. I didn’t achieve this through dieting; I achieved this through a lot of hard work, sweat, lots of tears, and a change in my lifestyle. I started to do simple things, small things that made me happy like hiking, walking, running, 5k’s, kayaking, yoga and meditation. I started blogging, letting my feelings out instead of remaining silent, letting them build until I exploded. I walked away from people that pushed me down, held me back or discouraged me from following my dreams. I started gathering people who encouraged me, told me what I needed to hear, not empty platitudes or endless hammering about responsibilities and practicalities. I have developed friendships with people who believe in me, who encourage me to reach for those impossible dreams, who continue to love me in the middle of my chaos. I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t always feel like I’m a disappointment and a failure for being different. They don’t expect anything from me, but for me to be me, and that freedom has allowed me to blossom. I still have problems and a lot of obstacles to overcome, but I know they love me whether I succeed or fail, because they love me – not what I can do for them, or what I can achieve. I have a guardian angel that’s opened her heart and showed her love by her actions and not her words. I don’t think she’s ever told me she loves me, but she’s met some of my greatest needs and I’ll never be able to repay her kindness, but I’ll never forget it.

So, this morning is a celebration of appreciation. My life is turning around. For the first time in a very, very long time I think I’m going to be okay.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Wednesday, October 02, 2013

Searching For Home

In my journey to look ahead, I find myself immersed in deep thoughts this morning, a bit heavy too. As I watch the dew glisten in the morning sunlight out my office window, I can’t help but think how connected I am with the world, yet disconnected at the same time. I am loved, yet unloved; appreciated, yet unappreciated; wanted, yet unwanted.

I’m not going to say I’ve always felt different because we’re all different, we’re all unique; no one is the same as anyone else. Our life journeys are also unique. But, I have always felt I didn’t belong, always on a road to somewhere else, always searching for a place to call home. I lived in the same house for the last twenty years, but it never felt completely like home, though it was the first real home I ever had. It was safe, which was also something I never had, and I cherish and miss it greatly. It felt content, regular, routine, familiar and even happy. I can close my eyes at any moment and smile as I hear the sound of my children’s laughter as they ran down those familiar halls. My children are grown now, those halls are empty and don’t belong to me anymore. But even through all those years, all those happy memories, there was a part of me that still yearned for home, still searched for where I belonged, still desired to be whole.

I felt guilty for so long for not being satisfied with my lot in life, like something was wrong with me, that I was broken, perhaps even a bit rebellious for being so selfish. I mastered the art of crucifying my flesh, to suppress my wants and desires and live up to the expectations of those I loved. Now I sit here this morning in my new apartment, free, but still not at home.

I feel like I found home earlier this summer as I stood on a beach. The earth shifted beneath me and the illusion of reality sharpened and I saw myself connected with everything – the sky, the water, the rocks, the air, the sun and the earth itself. It was strange, because I’d never been in that place before, but in that moment I felt I had come home. The feeling took several weeks to leave me.

Since that moment on the last day of May, I’ve been trying to understand what happened in that particular place in time and I can’t find an answer. Was it the place? Was it the company? Was it the fact that it was the first time I ever did anything purely for myself? Was it a state of mind? Or was it all an illusion? These questions plague me and I have no answer, only that I’m sitting here at my desk in the moment in time and all I want is to go home. But where is home? Is it in a place or a state of being? I can move locations, eventually, but is that the answer? When I think of all the obstacles that prevent me from physically going to that place, it literally takes my breathe away, but I’m not sure if that fear is from the thought of moving across the country, or moving and finding what I’m looking for wasn’t in a place at all… and still left feeling lost.

I don’t know, all I know is that I have to live today in this moment, in the place, and decide what to do today and to what plans should I prepare for tomorrow. Again, I don’t know the answers, but I’m learning to eliminate some of the questions. I do know this hole in my soul isn’t connected to a person – not one I’ve left or one I may never see again or one I may meet in the future. I’m not waiting on anyone, and I know no one is waiting on me. This is my journey. This is my life. This is my soul. Who knows where I’ll be next week. I feel pulled, I feel drawn, I feel compelled; I just don’t know to what… yet. I may just stuff some clothes in a back pack and disappear into the wilderness.

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

Changing Seasons

The first day of autumn happened several days ago, but it seems my soul took a little longer to catch up. I knew when I woke this morning I was entering a new season in my life. Though the leaves are changing on the trees and the air grows cooler, I feel I’m starting to wake on the inside. Do you know that feeling after you’ve spent the night crying and then falling into a deep sleep? I’m done crying, I’ve been asleep, and now it’s time for me to wake and face the new day, the new season, and the next phase of my life. I’m sure I’ll still grieve parts that are now gone, but the time for mourning is over. I have to get out of this bed, wash away those dried, sticky tears beneath a hot shower, and slide into new clothes. It’s time I went outside and stood beneath the sunlight.

I don’t know what the day will hold, but it won’t be me reflecting on my pain any longer. I’m sick of it. I’m sure my friends are sick of it. I’m sure you readers are sick of it, too. I want to get back to living. I want to laugh. I want to explore. I want to love. I want to experience. I want to write about it all.

I’ve got a lot of plans, some of these I’ve put on hold for far too long, and it’s time I got back to business. I can’t and won’t promise only happiness and good news, but I can promise that I’m making a vow to myself today, a covenant with my heart, that I’m no longer looking back. It’s not about what I’ve had or haven’t had in the past, what I’ve lost, what I’ve walked away from, or what won’t happen, but now a focus on what I want, what I hope and what I dare to achieve. I have a huge imagination and a will of iron, and it’s time to get busy.

Today is the first day of a new season. Enjoy the beauty. Enjoy the harvest. Enjoy the journey. Most of all…I hope you enjoy the ride.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray