Monday, April 27, 2015
What Do You Want?
"What do you want?" She asks.
He replies, "I want what you want."
She shakes her head and smiles, "But, that's what I want. I don't need anything from you. I don't even need you. I don't know what you want, but whatever it is - THAT's what I want for you."
"It’s not about what I want," he says.
She replies, "Then what do you need?"
“I don't need anything."
"Then, why are you here?"
He shrugs, "To see you." He looks her right in the eyes. "I feel like myself when I'm around you."
"So, who is the real you?"
He shrugs, "You know me."
"Who am I to you?"
"What do you mean?"
He looks down at his hands. "I can be anything to anybody, but you show me ...me. You don't judge me, push me, or expect me to be anything other than what and who I am. I try to play a part, but you see right through me. The way you look at me, I can't hide." He looks back up at me. "I sometimes hate you for it. Sometimes I hate I can't do the same for you. Your mask is too tight, and your walls are too thick."
"What does that mean?" She asks.
"It means, I want what you want, but you don't have any fucking idea what you want. You're so lost and I can't help you."
With tears bubbling in her eyes she answers, "Then I want to be found."
He tenderly touches the side of her face. "You won't stop running."
"I don't want to run. I hate running."
"You can't help it. That's all you know how to do."
"Couldn’t someone stop me?"
He shakes his head. "You have to stop yourself."
"I have, but there's no one ever there. No one looks for me. No one waits. No one fights. No one tries to keep me from leaving. They're Gone. They're all gone and I'm always standing alone."
He cups her face. "You're not that 5-year old little girl left at the gas station anymore, or the young woman waiting for her soldier that will never come home, or the wife waiting for her ex-husband to grab her before she can run, or the mother watching her children fly the nest. Let her go."
"Then who am I?"
"A smart, beautiful woman, who has overcome some of the darkest hell a person could imagine. You have an amazing mind and a beautiful soul, but you're obtuse when it comes to you. Choose what you want. Then do that. That’s what I want.”
“I want you. Can’t I keep you?”
He shakes his head. “I won’t be your excuse.”
“The next reason you run.”
She takes a step backward. “So you reject me?”
“I don’t understand.”
He reaches toward her, but pulls his hand back at the last second. “I know. That’s why it makes this so hard.”
“Do you love me?”
“Then why won’t you stay with me?”
“Because you’re not here.
“Where am I?”
“Lost in a prison of your own making.”
“Where are you?”
“Outside waiting for you.”
She stares at him, slowly shaking her head.
“Then let me go.” He turns away.