Tuesday, May 31, 2016

When I Look in the Mirror

When I look in the mirror I see my mother, I see her features in my face, I see her hands in my hands, I see her cheeks in my cheeks, I see her body shape in my own. My memories remember her pain, her sickness, her abuse, her addictions, her excuses. So, in the mirror I also see the life she could of had. I think that's why I push so hard to be strong, because she was so weak. Why the very thought of doing drugs or popping pills makes me sick, how I'm independent and refuse to allow anyone to abuse me, to use me, to make me feel helpless and trapped. This is my only way to save a piece of her, by saving myself. When I look in the mirror I see my mother... Free, happy, healthy, and I'm sure inside, beneath the victim, beneath the MS, beneath the pills she'd be happy to see me be all the things she couldn't. I may not be able to see her, or have a relationship with her, but I'll always love her. (Damn, this was hard.)

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Livin' Out Loud - Active Living

Well, I’m back again to talk a little bit more about Livin’ Out Loud.  This isn’t an idea of something I want to do, but something I’ve been doing since my divorce a few years ago.  This was something my soul cried out needing for a very long time.  I tried to get what I needed from everyone around me, my ex-husband, my kids, my church, my job, but I couldn’t find what I was seeking in them or through them.  What I needed, what my soul needed, what my heart needed was already inside me, but I realized I was too afraid to listen to her, or to even give her a glancing thought.  She was too painful to even acknowledge. 

Memorial day is coming up tomorrow.  I’ve been having a little bit of a hard time this weekend and found myself trying to reach out to others in order to soothe that pain. I thought after 23 years I’d finally be able to breathe during this time without that pain, but the pain is still there, yet it’s not all for James, the hero that gave his life in Somalia.  It’s for the hero that was left here at home, the fighter inside me, the survivor with her many scars.   I loved James, still love him, will always love him, but he’s not really the one I’m grieving.  I miss him, will always miss him, will always wonder of the life we might’ve had together, but I think what still hurts most is the life that I hid inside me for so long.  People grieve in different ways. I shut down. I hid inside myself, got lost for a couple decades, and while I was living, going through the motions, I wasn’t alive.  I cared deeply for everyone else around me, but not myself.  When I learned the scripture to “deny yourself and pick up your cross…”, well… I did just that.  I denied myself until I could deny myself no longer.

So, here I am after I completely disrupted my life, turned it upside down, made some bold moves, and faced my biggest fear – that lost, hurt, angry little girl inside who has carried my pain for too long.  I was so afraid of her, but now I look upon her and instead of seeing a depraved, dirty, lonely, scared shell… I see a beautiful, radiant angel, whose light is so bright my heart simply can’t even begin to express how much I love her. Without hesitation, she forgave me for being a coward for so long, and since I faced her I have been living out loud.  Yes, I’ve had some huge obstacles in my way, a few heart breaks, a few failures, one giant battle with death, but I wouldn’t trade any of them for anything.  That woman inside (she’s no longer a frail girl) is strong enough, tough enough, and brave enough to handle this world.  As long as I cling to her, I know we will survive.  That’s what we are, we are survivors.

Part of this living out loud is active living, which by definition means to actively be engaged in your life, in every area of your life – emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  It doesn’t mean you’re doing fantastic feats every day, it just simply means that every day you’re living in the moment, living in the day, and living to the best of your ability as you face your daily challenges.  Life is full of challenges.  It is full of temptations.  It is full of excuses.  We can find one for everything. We can make one for every fear we have.  But that isn’t fair to ourselves.  Living out loud and loving yourself means that you face your challenges.  You might not win them every day, but winning isn’t the marker of success or failure.  It’s the effort, the intent, the devotion, and dedication applied to facing those challenges that make us a success or failure, that determines if we truly are living out loud.

I’ve been working on trying to repair the damage I’ve done to my body during my years of depression and regression.  It’s hard. I wasn’t born with the genes that make it easy. Every day is a choice, a battle, and it requires a strong will, a determined mind, and a heart dedicated to seeing myself succeed.  I am tempted. I am afraid sometimes. I am weak at other times.  But, the more I love myself, the more determined I become.  The more success I taste, the more I want to taste.  The more dedicated I become, the more dedication I desire.  I’m not ruled by my desires anymore. I rule my desires.

Yes, it’s hard to get up at 5am every morning and get started.  It’s hard to say no to the foods that make my mouth water. It’s hard to not just cling to someone else’s strength so I don’t have to use my own. I know I’m never going to look like a supermodel, or one of those beautiful, slim, toned women on the front of fitness or fashion magazines, and I don’t try to look like them.  I don’t want to be them. I want to be a version of me that is healthy, that is active, that is strong, that is vibrant and who can do the things my heart wants to do and not be denied because I don’t have the physical or mental strength to accomplish them. I hate being denied.  So, yes… many mornings I want to cry and my mind makes a thousand excuses to roll over and go back to sleep, but that beautiful angel inside me, my own personal cheerleader, she nudges me and whispers to my soul, “I love you and you deserve to live out loud. Do it for us.”  That’s all it takes and I jump up, get dressed in my workout clothes, and take off. It’s what helps me deny that doughnut, or not gorge on that pot of beans, or feed my insecurities with foods that harm me.  I was slowly killing myself for years, and became a master of excuses to continue doing it. I was wrong.

Bottom line.  The secret to living out loud and actively living is loving yourself.  I love me. I don’t need anyone else to love me.  But when someone does choose to love me they receive one of the greatest gifts, a precious treasure, even if they don’t realize it.  They receive a pure love, a dedicated love, a devoted love, a determined love, a faithful love, a grateful love, a love that doesn’t take from them, but pours into them.  We are a lost and lonely world. I see it, I feel it, I recognize it in the many faces I see every day.  The majority seek to feel the emptiness inside through various outside sources – money, accomplishment, sex, drugs, food, shopping, music, extreme activities, pills, addictions, obsessions, competition, acceptance, religion, political causes, martyrdom, violence, … we’re all trying to save or destroy the world.  The only person we need to save is ourselves.  The person we often destroy is also ourselves. If we embrace who we truly are, loving the world becomes easy and living becomes an everyday part of life. Going to the laundry mat becomes an adventure, because all life is an adventure.

So, get up.  Get going. Set those goals. Put down the fucking doughnuts. Meet those challenges face to face. Start breathing. Start living. But don’t do it for any other reason than for yourself.  Don’t do it to fall in love with someone else. Fall in love with yourself and others will fall in love with you too.  Don’t do it to look good for someone else’s approval. Do it so that you feel beautiful and sexy for yourself, and then others will see you as beautiful and sexy.  Don’t do it to fit in and be like everyone else in order to feel accepted.  Embrace who you truly are, love all your nerdy, quirky, odd, crazy, and wild parts and let the rest of the world see you for who you truly are, not who you pretend. If they don’t see you or can’t see you, fuck ‘em. You don’t need them. Don’t be afraid to face the world alone, because if you can’t face the world alone, you’ll crumble under pressure trying to face it for someone else.  That’s not fair to you or to them. Don’t be afraid to walk alone, be afraid to not walk at all.  Walk. Go. Run. If anyone truly loves you for you, and can see you’re actively living out loud, they will want to walk with you.  But if they’re cowards and haven’t found their own strength, you can’t carry them. Keep walking. 

In a moment of despair, when I felt like the world’s worst failure, God whispered to my heart, “It’s not your job to save the world, it’s mine. Let go and let me love you. I made you to fly, so fly, Baby Girl, fly. Live, My Love, live, and live out loud. I gave you a voice so sing, sing of love, sing of life, sing of all I’ve poured into you and all that you are.”  That, my friends, is what I say to you all. 

Till next time,

~Song of T

Monday, May 23, 2016

My Livin’ Out Loud Formula - Healthy Eating

Many of you have followed me for years and have witnessed my journey into health and fitness.  Some of you are just cyberly meeting me for the first time. For those of you who don’t know me, you don’t know that I’m not the same person I was a few years ago… I’m a new person in body, mind, soul and spirit.  I’ve entered a new phase in my life, one that was a very hard change, a dramatic change, but a good change.  There have been a lot of mountains I’ve had to climb, and along the way so far I’ve done some very amazing things at I’ve crested some of those mountains, and have also found myself tumbled, tossed, and on my face at the bottom of others. But in all of them, I’ve been livin’ out loud as evidenced here on this blog; my high points and my low ones.

This morning I’m going to focus on health and fitness.  I’ve spent a lot of blogs on spiritual and emotional issues.  Health and fitness is very much spiritual and emotional, but I want to focus on the physical aspect today.  I’ve once again brought my focus back to my health.  I haven’t been ignoring my weight goals, I’ve just had the majority of my focus in other areas that needed more attention.  But, it’s that time again to bring back balance to my health and fitness aspect of this loud life. 

Balance is key to everything. I mean everything.  But today I’m going to focus on balance in diet and exercise.  I really hate the word diet, because I really don’t diet.  I have an eating lifestyle that works for my body.  I will admit I haven’t been faithful to my eating lifestyle because of many factors over the past 8-9 months because I’ve moved to another state, moved in with my best friend, and the many changes have just got me off schedule.  Yet, I’m getting back on schedule and slamming those ‘easy’ temptations out of my way.  It’s not about saying ‘no’ to the bad things, the foods that don’t work for your body, but about making sure your ‘yes’ are readily available so that your choice isn’t ‘no’ with no alternative. You should never forgo eating, exercising, or being active without a choice to make or else that’s just depravation and depravation leads to binge eating, failing at establishing a routine because you don’t see any physical results, and discouragement.  ALWAYS have a choice to make.  If you have fresh fruit readily available, it’s easier to forgo the donuts, especially when you remind yourself of the hard work you’ve done that week.  But, it’s almost impossible to forgo the donut if that’s the only thing quickly available. 

90% of the battle to eat healthy and be active is a mind game.  10% is determination.

Here are few tips to help you make those healthy decisions:

Ø  Use small dishes.  Get rid of your big bowls, big plates, big glasses.  Use salad plates as dinner plates, use small glasses (unless you’re drinking water – then it’s best to use a water bottle), and cook with small pots and pans.  You will be amazed at how much you will feel full when your small plate is full, yet in the RIGHT portion.  Portion is key.  Portion is balance.  90% of our bad eating habits isn’t always about WHAT we eat, but how much we eat.  If you can teach yourself how to eat the right portion, you can pretty much eat anything you want, because you won’t be overeating.

Ø  If you eat out, before you get your meal go ahead and ask for a ‘to go’ box and when your meal is served, go ahead and box up half or ¾ of the meal, and spread out the rest and then relax and enjoy what’s left on your plate.  Many times we keep eating what’s in front of us after we’ve reached that ‘full’ sensation in our bodies because it’s there and our minds are conditioned to clean our plates.  This leads to overeating and becoming unbalanced.  But if you do this simple step, you won’t have to ‘diet’ eating out, you just do it smart.

Ø  Select foods that work with your body.  Some of us are blessed with high metabolisms and can be more free with what we eat, while others have to be very selective because of slow metabolisms and be more selective.  Smart eating, knowing your body… truly knowing your body – not lying to yourself, will lead to more success in your journey to health and fitness.  Discover which foods help you, energize you, inspire you and work FOR you.  Learn to listen to your body and it’ll tell you want it needs – iron, protein, vitamins and energy.

Well, that’s all I have for you today.  I’ll try to touch base on some of the exercise tips next.  Just remember this if you take anything from this post today.  Your body is yours.  Don’t try to change your body to make anyone else happy, the world happy, or in order to feel beautiful.  Love yourself enough to want you to be the best you… for you.  Be the best, healthiest, most active, and happiest you… for YOU.  You are worth it.  It’s not about what size you are, how much you weigh, or how you look in a bikini.  Being healthy and happy is about lighting this inner radiance that can’t help but shine through you.  It’s about your essence, your Chi, and when this is in balance, beauty resonates within you and from you. 

Till next time,

Balanced Beauty

Friday, May 13, 2016

Mansion by NF (feat. Fleurie)

Someone very dear to me (thank you Jonathan Smith) sent me this song a couple weeks ago, and it’s not one that was easy for me to listen, more than that… it’s hard to hear. The first line caught my attention and then slammed me right into the middle of my own room in my own mansion.  I’ve actually tried NOT to listen to it.  It touches something inside me that I don’t like to give a moment, a second, or even part of a second.  However, there’s another effect this song is having on me too.  It’s sort of a release.  There’s still an anger, a hurt, a part of me that’s still deep inside fighting Fear and still scribbling on my blank walls.  It’s banging to be heard, to be felt, to be acknowledged because it really effects every part of me; every broken part of me. Dealing with this kind of pain isn’t something healed in a single ‘moment’ and then all’s good.  No, this is a life long journey.
“Insidious is blind inception
What's reality with all these questions?
Feels like I missed my alarm and slept in (slept in)
Broken legs but I chase perfection
These walls are my blank expression
My mind is a home I'm trapped in
And it's lonely inside this mansion”
Wow.  I could just play that intro over and over and over and over, and find I’ve only just begun.  And the following words NF releases throughout this song is like he pulled them right out of my own basement, right out of the darkest part of my soul, the part that still bleeds. Let me be clear, I’m not coming from a place of anger, but a place of pain. Not as a victim, but as a survivor.  It’s not about blame, it’s about healing.
“Yo my mind is a house with walls covered in lyrics
They're all over the place, there's songs in the mirrors
Written all over the floors, all over the chairs
And you get the uncut version of life when I go downstairs
That's where I write when I'm in a bad place and need to release
And let out the version of NF you don't want to see
I put holes in the walls with both of my fists 'til they bleed
You might get a glimpse of how I cope with all this anger in me”
I’m a wordsmith, but I can’t even begin to express the imagery that clicked with this first verse. It’s like NF just kicked open a locked door, white light spilling into a dark room, exposing a small, broken little girl huddled into a dark corner, scribbling more dark lines on a dark room already covered floor to ceiling with words… words of pain, words of hope, words of fear, words of love, words scribbled over and over and over.   
Physically abused, now that's the room that I don't want to be in
That picture ain't blurry at all, I just don't want to see it
And these walls ain't blank, I just think I don't want to see 'em
But why not? I'm in here, so I might as well read 'em
I gotta thank you for this anger that I carry around
Wish I could take a match and burn this whole room to the ground
Matter of fact I think Ima burn this room right now
So now this memory for some reason just won't come down”
Shit!  I thought burning the house down would stop the nightmares, but it didn’t.  Flames might have burned a physical building and given me a peace when I smell the scent of burning wood, but it didn’t clear the room in my mind. I don’t despise this room.  It is a place where my gift flows, where my pain goes, and where my soul grows.  This song says so much, I don’t need to say more myself.
Yo my mind is a house with walls covered in pain
See my problem is I don't fix things
I just try to repaint, cover em up, like it never happen
Say I wish I could change. Are you confused?
Come upstairs and I'll show you what I mean
This room's full of regrets, just keeps getting fuller it seems
The moment I walk in to it is the same moment that I wanna leave
I get sick to my stomach every time I look at these things
But it's hard to look past when this is the room where I sleep”
“But I should just stop now, we ain't got enough room in this song
And I regret the fact that I struggled trying to find who I am
And I lie to myself and say I do the best that I can
Shrug it off like it ain't nothing like it’s out of my hands
Then get ticked off whenever I see it affecting my plans
And I regret watching these trust issues eat me alive
And at the rate I'm going they'll probably still be there when I die
Congratulations, you'll always have a room in my mind
The question is, will I ever clean the walls off in time?”
“So this part of my house, no one's been in it for years
I built the safe room and I don't let no one in there
'Cause if I do, there's a chance
That they might disappear and not come back
And I admit I am emotionally scared to let anyone inside
So I just leave my doors locked
You might get other doors to open up but this doors not
'Cause I don't want you to have the opportunity to hurt me
And I'll be the only person that I can blame when you desert me
I'm barricaded inside
So stop watching
I'm not coming to the door
So stop knocking, stop knocking
I'm trapped here
God keep saying I'm not locked in
I chose this
I am lost in my own conscience
I know that shutting the wall down ain't solving the problem
But I didn't build this house because I thought it would solve ´em
I built it because I thought that it would be safer in there
But it's not, I'm not the only thing that's living in here
Fear came to my house years ago I let 'em in
Maybe that's the problem
'Cause I've been dealing with this ever since
I thought that he would leave, but it's obvious he never did
He must have picked the room and got comfortable and settled in
Now I'm in the position it's either sit here and let him win
Or put him back outside where he came from, but I never can
'Cause in order to do that I'd have to open the doors
Is that me or the fear talking?
I don't know anymore”
I’m here and I’m still writing, but Fear doesn’t keep me trapped inside anymore. He still haunts me, still taunts me, still exposes my own scribbled lines, and he’s still slamming doors, but he doesn’t control me anymore.  I’m no longer afraid to read my own lines. I can read my walls, see the pictures I don’t like to see, because there’s a bright light within me that illuminates them all. I can run my fingers over them, for all these lines have made me who I am.  What I see now is a beam of refracted light, filled with all the colors of my imagination, shining over those thick black lines. Making them come alive, making them sing a new verse. I no longer huddle in a corner, but I dance all around like a beautiful ballerina, ‘cause my legs ain’t broke anymore.
“Insidious is blind inception
What's reality with all these questions?
Feels like I missed my alarm and slept in (slept in)
Broken legs but I chase perfection
These walls are my blank expression
My mind is a home I'm *not* trapped in
And it's *no longer* lonely inside this mansion”
I thank NF for writing this song, for being brave enough to allow us a small glimpse inside his mansion, his mind, his heart.  I’m sure this song will always have a special room inside my mind. I thank Jon for introducing me to this song and I hope he finds his own courage to face his own room. I hope we all do.
Till next time,
~Angel of Light

Monday, May 09, 2016

Encourage Yourself

I started writing another heart-wrenching blog post this morning, because in truth, my heart is aching something bad right now.  But, after I wrote all those words, tears streaming down my face, a huge lump in my throat, I wiped my face and took a deep breath, and deleted the whole post.  It doesn’t matter. Those words don’t matter.  Those thoughts don’t matter.  They don’t change anything.

But, what WILL change things, what does matter is filling my heart, my mind, and my soul with positive thoughts. Remembering my dreams and the things I want to do in my life, those things will fuel me. They won’t take the pain away, but they’ll help dry the tears and push me forward. 

What we put into our minds, what we listen to, what thoughts we entertain, form our thoughts and effect the things we do, the choices we make, the fears we let consume us.  I’m a rebel. I often act against those fears, in spite of them, face those things that scare me most.  I just wish the rest of the world did the same. I don’t allow the world to tell me how to feel, what to do, what is the right way to go.  The world has been wrong. It’s always wrong.  Listening to the thoughts of the world has hurt me more than I’ll ever be able to express. Cowards. The world is full of cowards.

Today is a new day. Yesterday is gone.  The sun has risen once again and I choose to live. I start a new phase at work today, and it seems a new phase in life. Even though my heart hurts something terrible, I choose to smile, I choose to focus on the positive, I choose to tell the world to go fuck itself and take its doubt, depression and double-minded desires with it. I don’t need its bullshit.  Instead I will fill it with beautiful words of encouragement.

“Don’t cry over the past, it’s gone. Don’t stress about the future, it hasn’t arrived. Live in the present moment, make it beautiful.”

“There are two ways of spreading light, be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.”

“So, take a deep breath, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again.”

“A beautiful life begins with a beautiful mind.”

“Ships in the harbor are safe, but that’s not what ships were built for.”

We tell ourselves that we must do this, we must do that, we must love this way or think that way. It’s all bullshit.  EVERY moment of every day we have a choice, and in that moment NONE of the world’s bullshit matters.  Regardless of the shit I’ve had to deal with in the past, regardless of the shape my heart is in, regardless of how shattered I am… IN THE MOMENT… this moment is all that matters. The choices I make right now… to love, to not love, to hate, to forgive, to doubt, etc.  THAT is who I am. 

I choose ME.  For no one else will.

“What we are today is the result of our own past actions; whatever we wish to be in the future depends on our present actions; decide how you have to act now. We are responsible for what we are, whatever we wish ourselves to be. We have the power to make ourselves.”

We choose to believe. We choose not to believe. We choose to fight. We choose to run. We choose to love. We choose to hate. We choose to forgive.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s to fight. Fight for what’s right. Fight for what you believe in, what’s important to you. But most importantly, fight for the ones you love, and never forget to tell anyone how much they mean to you while they’re still alive.”

Someday, someone will believe I’m worth fighting for, too. That day’s not today, but someday.

“I want to be your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.”

“If you think positively, sound becomes music, movement becomes dance, smile becomes laughter, mind becomes meditation, and life becomes a celebration.”

In the midst of pain, in the darkest moment of despair, hope still lives and love still remains. I’ll never apologize for loving. I’ll never regret taking the chance.  I’ll never look back on my life and say, ‘only if’. I have fallen. I have tasted rejection. I have hurt to the deepest part of my soul, but I have no regrets. I am a lot of things, but I’m not a coward. I’m a fool.

“Three simple rules in life.  1. If you do not go after what you want; you’ll never have it. 2. If you do not ask, the answer will always be No.  3.  If you do not step forward, you’ll always be in the same place.”

Waiting for something to happen. Waiting to heal. Waiting to love. Waiting to explore. Waiting to have an adventure. Waiting for success. Waiting for forgiveness. Waiting for dreams. Waiting for happiness.  Leaves only one thing… you waiting.  None of those things just finds you… you have to fight for each one of them. You have to choose them. You have to want them. You have to face your fears and take them.

Till next time,

Black-Eyed Beauty

Monday, May 02, 2016

Weaver of Words

Sometimes it seems my life is stuck in a rut and refuses to move either to the left or right, keeping me circling the same tree over and over and over again. Other times it moves so fast I think if I blink I’m going to miss the thousands of things flying by in a rapid pace. That seems to be the way it’s been these last few weeks. So many new things have happened I can barely recognize my life or what it had been just a couple months ago.

With all the thousands of ideas moving in, out and around me, I’m taking a quick step back to see if I notice a pattern. I usually can’t see the image when I’m up close or right in the middle of a thought. Some pictures need a wider view. So, what are these patterns I’ve been noticing? What are the words, thoughts, and meditations that’s been coursing through my mind of late? What do they mean? What are they trying to tell me? Where do they lead? Most importantly, which ones do I listen to and which do I ignore? Whew, I’m getting a bit overwhelmed just thinking about them.

I’ve been on a journey lately, one of the mind, most importantly, one of the soul. My imagination has been soaring to distant worlds, floating on different planes, seeking wisdom and enlightenment in understanding. Here are some of the quotes that have motivated me lately. Here are few words of wonder.


“Sometimes you have to stop being scared and just go for it. Either it will work out, or it won’t. That’s life.”

“Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.”

“Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do.”

“The Buddhists say if you meet someone and your heart pounds, your hands shake, and your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your soul mate, you’ll feel calm. No anxiety. No agitation.”

“Find someone you can be completely free with; sexually, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and cosmically, and go freaking WILD.”

“Find a heart that will love you at your worst and arms that will hold you at your weakest.”

“You cannot force someone to comprehend a message that they are not ready to receive. Still, you must never underestimate the power of planting a seed.”

“I’m very picky with whom I give my energy to. I prefer to reserve my time, intensity and spirit exclusively to those who reflect sincerity.”

“We’re so busy studying and seeking to find our life’s mission, let us not forget to look around and simply ask, “How can I help?”

“I admire people who choose to shine even after all the storms they’ve been through.”

“I love you neither with my heart nor my mind. My heart might stop, and my mind can forget. I love you with my soul because my soul never stops or forgets.”

“A person’s actions will tell you everything you need to know.”

“You deserve the love you keep trying to give everyone else.”

“I don’t want a perfect life; I want a happy life.”

“Whatever you do, never run back to what broke you.”

“On this road called life, you have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you got and remember what you had. Always forgive, but never forget. Learn from mistakes, but never forget. People change. Things go wrong. But just remember, the ride goes on.”

“When you connect with people who are good for you, you feel it. This is a big deal. Don’t forget to acknowledge how great it is to be around someone who lights you up. Tell them, even if you feel a little weird. Your people love your weirdness.”

“When you kiss someone and you stop kissing them for second and smile, and then kiss again… I can’t think of something more beautiful than that.”

“Let your weird light shine bright so the other weirdos know where to find you.”

“I think it’s important to realize you can miss something and not want it back.”

“You don’t know this new me; I put back my pieces differently.”


I think you’re starting to get the picture. Well, I hope I’m able to get the picture, because those are some amazing clues. I’m still digesting, still trying to wrap my mind around what it all means, what it’s trying to tell me, what I need to hear. I may not know the whole extent of it at this moment, but I already know it’s all good.

I’ve smiled more in the last few weeks than I have in a very long time. Sometimes I get a little sad when I think back to other times I used to smile so much it made my cheeks hurt. Those times, those memories, those associated with those memories will always be precious to me. But, this is a new day, a new time, and a new season to smile. I’ve cried enough. Joy comes with the morning, and baby… the sun is rising.

“I’ve got a pocket, got a pocket full of sunshine.”

I don’t know what tomorrow holds. I don’t know what’s in store for me. Maybe it’s a great adventure. Maybe it’s a great love affair. Maybe it’s a new page to a new story. Whatever it is, however weird it is, I’m ready and I want it.

Till next time,

~Weaver of Words of Wonder