Friday, June 19, 2015

Cherish the Moments

Cherish the moments, you know the ones I’m talking about, the moments that make you feel alive, exuberant, loved. Cherish the moments of happiness and peace. Cherish the moments of being admired and admiring, of astonishment, and of joy. Cherish the moments, because moments like that don’t happen every day.

While we are in the good moments, we can’t even really comprehend the gray days, the dark times, the pain, or the circumstances that brought us to those low points, because we’re lost in the moment of temporary joy. We want those moments to last forever, but they don’t. They will go, but while we are in them, cherish them.

I’m trying so hard to live everyday… in THAT day. I’m trying so hard to live in THOSE moments. But, in order to fully LIVE in the cherished moments, I have to also live in the gray time, the stormy times, the empty times, the lonely times, and the scared times too.

I hate it when someone has just fallen in love and some ass wipe comes along and tries to spread misery and make the new lovebird feel bad about being happy. We should be happy for them, even in the middle of our misery, our single lonely status. Be happy for them because their euphoria won’t last forever. Dark days are ahead for them, but allow them this time to stand in the sunshine. Give them something to hold onto during the storms that are going to come in their life. Be happy for them for this time, and maybe, just maybe they’ll be happy for you when your time comes around.

Your time, my time, will come around too. I know while in the darkness, while in the storm, while in the desert, it’s hard to believe, hell, it’s even hard to hope that tomorrow, or a few tomorrows from now, our time in the sunlight will come. But, it will come. That’s how the universe works. No matter how we perceive others, and we think everyone else has it easier, better, happier, or luckier than we do… EVERYONE has pain, everyone has darkness, everyone has fear, everyone goes through their gray days, but not everyone makes it through to the other side. Only the strong of mind and the strongest of hearts live to see another sunrise.

There have been times when I came very close to giving up on life altogether. There have been many times I thought of taking my life and ending my pain, because I couldn’t see a way to survive, a way to overcome, a way back into the sunlight. I felt broken, unlovable, unworthy… but I held on and gave it one more moment, gave it one more day, gave it one more chance. Am I in the sunlight now? No. I’m probably the loneliest I’ve ever been in my life, but I’ve learned to cherish the beautiful moments I’ve already had. When those dark thoughts come, and they do come - a lot, I grab one of those beautiful moments, and I hold onto it as tight as I can, and I remember… I remember the joy, I remember the happiness, I remember the love… and I breathe.

As I wrote in my musing this morning: Life is hard. Living is hard. Love is hard. I suppose if these things were easy I wouldn’t appreciate them. I know darkness, I know emptiness, I know pain, and that knowledge makes me truly appreciate the light, the love, the beauty of being in love, of being happy, of being hopeful… today, right now in this moment. Who knows, maybe today I’ll get to dance in the sunlight.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

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