Sunday, February 28, 2016

Piece by Piece

I sometimes think I really love a good epic fantasy, a fairy tale, because I have this deep need to see a valiant hero, to see a man stick his neck out, risk his life, risk everything in order to save the day.  I hope for it. I dream of it. I just need to actually see it put into action sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen it before. I’ve seen the beauty and selflessness of man.  I’ve seen heroes. I’ve watched some of the most beautiful men risk their lives for their woman, their family, their faith, and their country. I’ve watched heroes die. I’ve lost a hero of my own and have lived with the fact for the past 24 years I was left alone so that others be saved. Others, who often don’t appreciate the sacrifices that were made for them. Others, who often degrade and diminish those sacrifices.

I just heard a song by Kelly Clarkson that had me weeping, because it touches so close to the center of my heart. “Piece by piece he collected me off the ground where you abandoned things. Piece by piece he filled the holes that you burned in me at six years old. He never walks away; he never asks for money. He takes care of me, ‘cause he loves me. Piece by piece he’s restored my faith that a man could be kind and a father could stay… piece by piece.”

Now, that’s a man, one not afraid to pick up the shattered pieces, one unafraid of the difficulties he may have to face for the woman he loves. You know, that’s all women really need from a man - to be loved, to be brave, to be wanted, and needed.  We all have difficulties to face, shattered pieces to put back together, and we women are strong enough to do anything and everything on our own. We don’t need to be saved, we just need to be loved so we can heal, blossom, and then bloom into the beautiful flower that will adorn her man.  

Bonnie Tyler had the right idea. “Where have all the good men gone, and where are all the gods? Where’s the street-wise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need.  I need a hero. I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the morning night. He’s gotta be strong, and he’s gotta be fast, and he’s gotta be fresh from the fight. I need a hero. I’m holding out for a hero ‘till the morning light.  He’s gotta be sure, and it’s gotta be soon, and he’s gotta be larger than life.  Somewhere after midnight, in my wildest fantasy, somewhere just beyond my reach there’s someone reaching back for me. Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat. It’s gonna take a Superman to sweep me off my feet.”

We are strong. We are independent. We are resilient. Where have all the good men gone? We need heroes. We don’t need flowery words, empty promises, lies and deceptions.  Our bodies aren’t the prize, it’s our hearts and our minds and our devotion. Why are there so many cowards?  Why do men choose the easy route, the sure, temporary thing? I’ve watched men choose women in fear, too afraid to take a chance, too lazy to face a challenge.  I even had a man tell me once, “Never date someone who’s problems are bigger than yours.” Really?  That’s selfish, that’s lazy, that’s pathetic.  

I’m really tired of cowards, tired of men too afraid to step up and be the men I know they’re capable of being. I understand we live in a world that has constantly been emasculating men for years. I see it every day and it literally makes my heart ache.  Where are our warriors, men willing to fight no matter how difficult the struggle is ahead of them? Where are our gods, men unafraid to love a woman, to devote himself to one woman and make her a goddess, a queen?  Men expect women to be these great queens, but do not feel they must be king themselves first. 

God, help me.  I’m surrounded by minstrels and fools. Piece by piece, let my faith be restored that a man can be kind and a hero can be brave. This sword I carry is heavy.  Take a fucking risk, you cowards! Stop playing these mind games because you’re too afraid to lose, too afraid to fail, too afraid to get hurt.  The best things in life are those things that require risk, require sacrifice, and require a bit of courage.  I’m sick of watching men run away from confrontation, too scared to speak their mind, too afraid to want something, too afraid to put their heart’s on the line. They chase after what’s easy, what’s uncomplicated, until it becomes complicated and then run like a feral dog with their tails tucked between their legs because things get hard. Life is hard.  Life if filled with drama and complications, yet if you stick it out, there’s also a beauty that’s worth it.

Is this what we want to teach our sons, the next generation of men, how to be a coward?  They learn by example, not by words. Let’s teach them that to have a woman look at you with pure admiration and devotion because you stood up and faced your fears like a man, is worth it.  Big muscles don’t make a man, a big heart does. Well-endowed shouldn’t be in reference to the size of a man’s penis, but the size of his courage. Courage shouldn’t only be present when you hold a gun in your hand, but when you hold a heart. Stop this fucking half-hearted, bullshit cowardice two-step dance.  If you don’t have the guts to be the man a woman deserves, a woman needs, then move to the side and go play with young women who don’t know what they want or need and have no confidence in themselves so they’ll put up with your bullshit.  I’m tired of watching the tears stream down a good woman’s face because a coward broke her heart, because he was too much of a pussy to actually devote himself to her, and her alone.  Instead of facing the difficulties of a relationship, they move onto the next unsuspecting woman. 

In a recent conversation with my best friend, they asked me what I wanted, what I needed, what I hoped for in a relationship. It wasn’t a great body, an intellectual mind, a great financial portfolio, or a long laundry list of attributes I found attractive… it was very simply… a man willing to love me with all his heart. That man would have my devotion, my faithfulness, my support, my love.  They would have a partner that would give them everything and who would stand by their side and fight through anything. I’ve been through hell and back, there’s nothing I can’t face, there’s nothing I can’t accomplish, there’s nothing I can’t overcome. I don’t need a man to save me, just love me. But a coward can’t do that.  A coward can’t pick up my pieces, they don’t have the strength.

I don’t need a man. I can take care of myself. I love myself and strive to navigate this world through that love and with that love.  That love blazes like the sun.  Cowards can’t touch the sun, only heroes.  My heart breaks for my friend as I watch her try to pick up the pieces of her broken heart.  I think I empathize because I have found myself in the same position as her many times before.  My anger this morning is perhaps for us both.  I’m so sick of cowards.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not beating up on all men. I love men. I love good men. I admire courageous men. I respect heroes. I know there are good men out there.  I just need to see them, just a little piece.

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