I got angry yesterday. I mean, I got mad as hell. But you
know what… it felt good. Not the
bullshit that got me angry, because that really hurt, but the ability to
process it, rise above it, and then actually get pissed about it made me feel
good. It still makes me feel good. Why?
Because that little, stubborn, rebellious, spit-fire inside is wide
awake. She’s got her sword in her hand
and she’s not taking any more bullshit. It’s about fucking time!!!!!
I’m an amazing person.
I’ve got so many gifts and talents, skills and knowledge, and I’m
strong-willed. I’m the type of person
that when I fall, I may reach up for you, but it’s not for you to pick me up
and carry me… it’s just something for me grab hold and pull MYSELF up. I don’t trust people. Not that I think they’re not capable, I’ve
just discovered that not many are willing, and there sure as hell not many I
can depend on.
I’m fearless. Not that I’m unafraid, because I’m always
afraid, terrified really. But, I still
choose to move in the face of fear. I
choose to leap even when I can’t breathe.
I choose to plunge in knowing that it’s going to hurt. And to be frank, I’m so fucking tired of
carrying other people. I’m so tired of hearing the excuses for their negligence
and selfishness. I’m so tired of hoping
and believing for the best in others, when they’re too damned lazy to hope and
believe in themselves. I can’t carry
anyone, but I’ll be more than happy to hold your hand… as I’m moving.
I’m not without trouble, stresses, problems, and obstacles. My life is FULL of them. However, I don’t avoid them, at least not
anymore. I see the issue in front of me
and then I start working out a step-by-step plan to get out. I focus on what I can do, and deal with what
I can’t as each of the issues surface. YES, sometimes I lose things I want,
opportunities, and possibilities… but I keep moving, I keep fighting, I keep
hoping, and I fill my mind and heart with the positive thoughts and ideas that’s
going to move me out, get me up, and get me headed in the right direction. I’m cutting out the negative, separating
myself from the doubters and the whiners and complainers. You all know the type of people I’m talking
about… that’s against everything, thinks the worse of everyone, and blames
everything in the world for all the problems… except themselves. That shit is heavy and I’m done with it.
There’s this one friend, not even my friend, but a friend of
a friend, who is always, always, always negative, thinks the worst of everyone,
and when their fantasies don’t work out, blame everyone and everything for
their failures. I won’t even answer his texts or calls anymore. I just don’t
want that bullshit in my life. I don’t fucking care. I tried to help, I tried to encourage, I
tried to show a better way, but they didn’t listen, they never intended to
listen, they just wanted to complain, and I’m not a sounding board. They’ve NEVER once asked ME about anything - how I was, did I need anything, not even how
was my day. OMG… these emotional vampires. NOT HAPPENING!!!! I’m cutting all this
bullshit out of my life and man, it feels GOOD!
So, in loving myself and realizing I deserve good friends,
people who actually care about ME, who care about my day, who care about all
the stupid little crazy shit I do all the time, THOSE are the people I will
give my time, love, and attention. All
the rest can kiss my ass… because I’m done!!!
I’ve deleted a lot of old contacts… and it felt good. I feel
lighter. I’m released from their bullshit. It’s not my job to save the world. I
only am responsible to save myself. You
know, I’m an amazing person and if someone can’t see that and value that… they
don’t deserve my friendship. I’m a damned good friend. I’m an even better
woman. I have so much love to give and
share. I’m awake. I’m fighting now, and
I’m focused, and I love myself very much.
Watch me… fly.
Till Next Time,
~T.L. Gray
No comments:
Post a Comment