Evil Video Games - Be Damned!

*Caution: This rant contains strong opinions. Weak-minded and close-minded individuals need not read any further. You've been warned.

Just in the last few days I’ve read no more than a half dozen Facebook posts linking to articles talking about the evils of kids playing video games. Yet, NONE of these articles reported any scientific facts to back up their claims, just a bunch of close-minded opinions from parents, geriatrics, naturists, and social opinionists. (Yeah, I made those last two up, but so fucking what, I’m a writer and I make up shit with my imagination.)

Before you jump down my throat and to your biased opinions, I want to warn you not to take me wrong. I’m NOT pro or anti video games, I’m just another one of those opinionists who has had the privilege to see things from both sides of the issue.

What exactly is the issue? Is gaming evil? Is our youth being corrupted by the video game industry? Are kids learning anti-social behaviors due to excessive amount of video gaming? Are we desensitizing our children to violence and corruption through video games? Is video gaming destroying marriages and dating lives?

My response: You’re the fucking parent. PARENT your children. You’re the spouse. Be the best SPOUSE possible. Quit projecting excuses of shitty relationships onto inanimate objects and activities for YOUR failures… and communicate. Quit trying to make your kids into mini models of yourself and let them discover who they are. Quit trying to force your spouse into an idealistic mold of what and who you think they should be, and let them be themselves. Did you fall in love with a person, or the idea of a person you want? Want to raise your kids right – raise them to be inquisitive. Raise them to be curious, adventurous, and exploratory. Teach them to learn, and then stand back and LET them learn, their way. Want to make a marriage work, then love the person for who THEY are and don’t be close-minded to the things that bring them joy. Try out their stuff… and encourage them to try yours… and between the two of you – find some common ground. Most of all, communicate with one another.

I play video games, and guess what? I enjoy it. Believe me, it takes skill, timing, talent, patience, determination, and dedication to become proficient with many, many, many of these games. There’s a whole gaming world out there, filled with like-minded people. Now with online gaming, chat sessions, fire-teams, and MMPG, new social skills are being developed.

As with ANYTHING, there’s always down sides, bad points, and abuse by players and non-players alike. Do you know what’s more destructive in a parent/child relationship – a parent yelling at kid, putting him down, putting down the thing he loves to do, the thing he’s excelling at, the thing perhaps his peers appreciate and applaud him for – simply because the parent doesn’t understand and they don’t take the time to find out. Because it’s different than them, their experience, or their understanding – they tear it down and look for everything negative. That’s abuse. That’s bad parenting. That’s despicable.

I watched a video of parents crying because their kids were more excited about playing video games or using their tablets than going outside and building a fort. Instead of blaming themselves that they didn’t understand their kids, didn’t know what their children were doing, surprised their kids liked something different than them, perhaps they should have taken them outside and built a fucking fort with them. I guarantee the next time that kid got into a chat with his friends, he would have been excited about telling them all about building a fort with their parents, and who knows… they may have just inspired a handful of OTHER kids to bug their parents to go outside and build fucking forts too. Instead, video games got blamed for their bad parenting. I wonder how many parents would actually take the time to go outside and build a fort with their kids? Perhaps THAT’s the answer to why some kids spend so much time on video games.

I heard a couple arguing not long ago while I was in a chat session with a fireteam during a raid. The girlfriend was in the background whining and complaining about how her boyfriend spent too much time on his video game, more time with his gaming friends than her, and that he obviously didn’t love her as much. That was an example of manipulation at its finest. This was also the same guy that often talked to us in our group, telling us of all the fun, adventurous things he and his girlfriend did all the time together, how much he loved her, how much he was trying out all the stuff she liked to do – some he liked, some he didn’t like. But his gaming time was getting less and less and less. He was a fantastic and gifted player and had dreams of playing on a MLG team, but he received no support from his family, from his friends, and now from his girlfriend. None of these ass-wipes were willing to play with him, or allow him the time to perfect his skills so he could chase his dream. In their minds, gaming wasn’t an acceptable option. Perhaps had he been a musician, writer, artist, dancer, singer, or actor he’d get the support he needed to follow his passion. Oh, wait… most of those don’t get much support either – because it’s not practical to follow an art. He’s fucked.

I don’t know why it has to be one or the other, gaming or nature, art or hobby, right or wrong. Video games are not evil. Playing video games is not evil. NOT communicating with your kids or your partner – that is what is evil and THAT is all up to each of us as an individual.

I’d love to have a relationship with a gamer, a writer, a musician, an artist, a hiker, a naturist, an adventurer, etc. I’d love to be with someone passionate about something, not some lame-assed fucker blaming everyone else for their failures, or someone who always takes the safe, practical route because it’s what’s expected. I’ve known too many of those. And… if you are one of these artists (gamers especially), perhaps the smart thing would be to choose relationships with other artists, or at least open-minded people who will understand and support your passion. If you choose a lame, close-minded traditionalist, then you can’t bitch when they bitch at you for not being just like them, or when they don’t understand you. Keep it real.

Anyway, since I saw all these blamers putting out their articles, I thought I’d put out one of my own. Bottom line: Stop blaming video games for your shitty relationship habits.

Till next time,

~KV Kvothe



*Image from: http://www.zazzle.com

Ignorance is Bliss

My  baby is officially a Senior in high school now.  WHAT???  When in Hades did that happen?  It was just yesterday she was causing trouble in middle school.  These last few weeks have left me in the twilight zone.

My little girl (that's what she'll always be to me.  Have you seen that Subaru commercial where the dad is giving his 16-year old daughter driving and safety advice through the window of the car, but all he see's is a little 6-year old???? - well, that's how it is for me.) keeps reminding me that her 18th birthday is coming up.  I hear those words with my ears, but they don't compute like they should, because my inner ear hears "13" - the "3" being only half of the reflected "8". Everybody keeps telling me I have to let her grow up.  What I want is for somebody to SHOW me that law, and I won't accept ink and paper.  It has to be carved in stone by the finger of God.   I am in absolutely NO hurry for her to grow up.  She's doing just fine, just the way she is. 

Growing up is going to happen.  I know that. But, I don't have to rush it along.  I pushed too hard and too fast with my oldest daughter (23), and there's nothing I wouldn't give to grant her an opportunity to be a kid again.  There are some things I would definitely do differently.  But my time-travel superpower doesn't always work when I want it to.    My twenty-one year old son, doesn't seem to be in too big a hurry to grow up, but it's slipping up on him anyway.  One day I see a hungry, lazy, game-playing teenager, and the next I see a responsible, faithful, and mature man.  It goes back and forth between the two.  But, my baby ...I just refuse to think too much about it.  When it finally happens, I'll be forced to accept it, but until it does - leave me in peace, and let me enjoy what little time I have left with her still needing me.  Quit reminding me every two seconds that she's growing up.  Let me imagine her just a little bit longer, clinging to what remains of her childhood. 

Here's a little bit of statics for you:  You are an infant for only two years.  You are a child for only ten years.  You are a teenager for only seven years.  THEN you're an adult for the rest of your life.  Don't be in too big a hurry to become, or push someone else into becoming, an adult.  We've only got 19 years, on average only 5%, of our whole life to be in this youthful stage. So if my brain computes 13 instead of 18 - let it. In this instance - ignorance is bliss.

Now, I've got to get to work and see how much editing I can squeeze in before she wakes up and starts interrupting me - wanting or needing something, or just plain ol' bored and I'm the distraction.  (No, I'm not bipolar - but I sometimes play one in print.)

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

What Would Your Memoir Say?

Anytime we write anything, we have to first determine who our audience would be.  Knowing to whom you write, determines how and what we write.  I’ve read many memoirs over the past few years, and can see a difference quite easily of what audience the author wanted for their memories.  There were a few different types of memoirs I discovered.  More may exist, but these are the ones I noticed most.

1.    The General Audience – This is when the author focuses mainly on their accomplishments and the road of their life experience that brought them to that point of success. It’s quite the ‘brag’ memoir. Most celebrities are found here.

2.    The Professional Audience – This is when the author wants to impress the elite of their field by way of showing their own discoveries, talents and achievements with their professional ability. In my case it would be writing.

3.    The Specific Audience – This is when the author focuses mainly on their peers (those with the same interests), and the road of life experiences that brought them to that specific point of view, be it political, social or religious ideology. 

4.    The Intimate Audience – This is when the author focuses mainly on those they are relation with, and hope to spread understanding and enlightenment to those intimate relations, revealing the purposes behind many of their choices, and through the example of their life experiences, show how they arrived to the point of view they carry.

I’ve been asked to write a memoir for someone else, someone of prominent standing in the world, and was excited about the project, which was being written for a general, professional and specific audience.  However, I recently discovered what I truly desired was for this memoir to have been for an intimate audience. I didn’t want to showcase this person and all of their success in the world.  I wanted to tell a story that spoke of bravery, growing pains, making mistakes and learning from them, and ultimately humanizing this person – pulling them off their public platform and showing them for the frail human they were; not for them, or those in their professional community, but for their family, especially their grown children.

You might ask yourself why I would have wanted to do that for this person.  The simple answer is: Because I wanted the same for myself.  I have two daughters and a son who are all young adults now.  They are making their way through this world as best they know how.  Sometimes they make good decisions and sometimes bad, just like everyone else.  They’re old enough now that our relationship needs to change, moving from me being their over-bearing, protective Mama Bear, to becoming their Rock of Safety and Acceptance.  No matter how much we try to deny it, we all strive for the acceptance of our parents, even if we hate and despise them.  The only way I can become beneficial for them, is to change the way they see me.  I will always be their mother, and they will always love me for that – even if they’re angry with me.  However, if I’m to be of any value to them as an adult, they need to see me as an individual, someone who’s lived a life just as they’re living now, someone who has made mistakes and learned to get back up, someone who has had fears of their own and learned to face them.  I need them to see me as a person of my own, not just their mother.  I need to become human to them.  I was once a little girl with hopes and fears; a teenager with angst and dreams; a young woman trying to make her way in this world the best I knew how, and then a mother, a woman of a professional career, and now a woman chasing her dreams.   If my young adult children can see that I’m just as fallible, scared, weak, strong, determined, and capable of failure as I strive for success, then that is a good thing.  Not that they can see they are either better or worse than me, but that we both stand on common ground in this world – as equals.  I’m not their judge, jury and executioner in their quest to become independent adults.  I can let go of the reins I’ve had to use in raising them (pulling them up, pushing them on, pulling them back), but I’d want them to know they don’t have to walk alone.  THAT would be the memoir I’d write. 

What about you? Who would you write your memoir for?  What would your memoir say and why?

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray