Good Morning, Good Night

I’m one of those annoying people who always say “good morning” and “good night” even to strangers.  It is part of my Southern hospitality right along with saying, “hi, how are ya?”, “bless you”, “please” and “thank you”.  However, that’s not how I was raised.  We never said these things in my family, nor did we say “I’m sorry” or “I love you.”

But this particular form of ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ I’m talking about in this blog post is something of a different caliber. It’s not a typical greeting or salutation, but has a special meaning – for me. 

I have issues. Mostly insecurities when it comes to trusting people and believing they’ll be there for me. I’ve watched so many people walk right out of my life, people who promised to love me forever. I just don’t trust they’ll be there even in the next moment. I’ve had a good friend go off to war and promise me they’d come home, but never did. I’ve had a young love promise to be with me forever, but forever didn’t last very long. 

I’ve had a teenage daughter run away from home.  For a very long time I didn’t know whether she was dead or alive, hurt or scared. I would have given anything during those dark years to hear ‘good morning’ or ‘good night’, but I was helpless and powerless to say or hear anything.   

The last couple of years I’ve gone through some major changes.  I’m the one that’s walked away this time – away from a 20 year marriage, away from all the friends I’ve known for the last 17 years, away from the only real family I’ve ever had. I can’t even begin to express the heartache when none of them (other than my children) followed me or cared enough to love and accept me for the woman I’ve become.

I’m proud of me. I’m proud of standing up for myself and chasing my dreams and striking out on my own. But, I’m a broken woman and couldn’t have made it through these last couple of years without my best friends. There were so many days I was so scared I couldn’t literally breathe, but they were there for me.  I started telling them ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ for the simple reason it gave me reassurance.  I could go to sleep in peace because I knew no matter how bad my nightmares scared me I wasn’t alone.  I could go through the day with courage when I received their good morning, because I knew if I needed them they would be there.    

To some it may be a stupid or simple greeting, but to me it means everything. To me it means I need you, I love you, I care about you, or you’re important to me. Perhaps one day I won’t need those words, because I’ll be whole. But that day isn’t today. I’m so much stronger today than I was yesterday, and I’ll be even stronger tomorrow. Until then … ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray