Sunday, May 25, 2014
The New Bachelorette: Dating After 40 - The Rules
What are the new dating rules for the 21st century? I’m pretty sure I’ve broken them all already. I’ve kissed on the first date. I’ve immediately messaged after a date. I send texts when I want. I say exactly what I think, what I like, and what I don’t like. I talk about my past (that’s how I learned from my mistakes) and I talk about my future (what I ultimately want down the road – so neither of us wastes our time chasing different dreams). I talk about money, politics, and religion – enough to say that neither is important to me. I’ve had money, and I’ve been broke, I’ve been faithful and I’ve been disenchanted. I’ve tried to save the world, but now I just focus on saving me – and being in either state didn’t make me happy or fulfilled. I talk about my failures and successes. I discuss my dreams and my plans for the future. I lay it all out on the line. Either ask me to dance or move out of my way.
I never was one to follow the rules. Everything I’ve ever gotten in my life has been because I grabbed it – not worried about whether I was doing it right or not. Don’t get me wrong. I hurt just as much as anyone else when I lose something or someone because I fucked up and did something impetuous, or what the dating police would call ‘breaking the rules’.
The rules all come down to this:
1. 1 know what I want. I know what I like. I know what I don’t like and I know what I’d tolerate and what I won’t tolerate. This is because I love me and I’ve learned to put me first. I won’t give something to someone else that isn’t worth giving. I want to give my best – the thing I love most – the thing I cherish and respect most… and that would be me.
2. There’s someone else involved who has their own wants and desires. I’d expect nothing less out of him. I don’t want his leftovers or mangled pieces. I want his best. I deserve his best… just as he deserves mine.
However, getting to that part isn’t so easy. There’s this whole dance that must be performed and quite frankly I don’t have a fucking clue how the steps go. I find myself walking out onto the dance floor and getting lost in the moment, getting caught up in the music, letting my body move to the tempo, and expressing myself as authentically as I can. My dance may not be elegant, it may not be well-trained, and it may not move as my partner would expect… but it’s our dance. If anything - it’ll be honest, it’ll be heart-felt, and it’ll be sexy as hell.
I’m not a Barbie doll, but I’m beautiful. Barbie has no life, no brain, no independent thoughts. She’s just a piece of cold plastic. I have flaws. I have weaknesses. I’ve got wiggly parts and gray hairs and a few wrinkles. But, I’m one of the most passionate, spontaneous, adventurous people I know. Hot blood pumps through my heart. I feel everything – pleasure and pain. Dancing with me will never be boring. I may get really good at it – but even then I will dance as myself. Love me or leave me.
I’m not naïve. I’m not a little girl with little girl dreams. I’m a mature woman who has an idea what she wants in life and the balls to get out there and dance. I live exactly how I express in these blog posts. Those who know me in person, knows this to be true. I don’t hide who I am. I take risks. I leap. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I royally fuck up. But, I hurt just as much as anyone else. I’m afraid just as much as anyone else. I over-think everything. I’m passion personified.
If you’re lucky enough to find yourself on the dance floor with me – dance. Don’t worry about the rules. Yes, the world is watching, but if I’m dancing with you – you’re all that exists in that moment. When the dance is over – either you have enjoyed it and will dance with me again, or you’ll find another partner. I am not afraid to walk away, even if it hurts. But I refuse to dance with an unwilling, boring, or pretentious partner. I deserve to receive just as much passion and I give. So, if you’re not passionate – find another dance partner.
Those are my rules.
Till next time,