Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Flirting With Death

I’m a natural flirt.  Most of the time my flirting means absolutely nothing and I have only playful intentions.  When men sometimes respond to my flirtations, I’m often surprised and can’t understand where their interest is coming from, because I just see myself as being funny. In that sense I often flirt with everyone, even women, and I’m in no way gay.  I don’t have anything against being gay, I’m just not personally attracted to women.  Quite the contrary. I definitely like manly men, tough guys, not big bulky guys, but tough attitudes, confidence, intelligence, with a high nerd factor. A soldier’s uniform will make me do a double take in a heartbeat. Okay, I’m getting off topic.  That’s a post for another day (which I should write soon for my New Bachelorette: Dating over 40 series).

But what I want to talk about this morning is ‘flirting with Death’.  In my observations there are many of us who flirt with Death regularly, even if we don’t know it.  We can be the happiest, most confident person, but have this twisted sense of adventure – tempting Death, daring him to notice us.  We often don’t realize that’s what we’re doing, but it is and it’s what brings that thrill we’re looking for.

I tempt Death with all my extreme activities.  I regularly participate in outdoor events that require a personal health waiver. Why is it such a thrill for me?  In my meditation this morning, I’ve come to realize it’s because I’m flirting with the off limits, even Death himself, because testing my mortality makes me feel most alive. I’m not claiming it’s rational or even sensible, just the facts of the matter.

I’ve seen many of my friends flirting with Death by looking for a certain feeling, for that spark of life.  They go from person to person being very sexually promiscuous, never using protection, all because they’re frustrated with life and unsatisfied.  They love the meet, the thump of the beat, the dance, and the fantasy,  but when the song changes, they change partners and keep dancing.  They’re facing Death with every dance; not only theirs, but their partners too.

I’ve seen soldiers who’ve been in combat desire to be back on the front lines.  They become frustrated with their mundane, everyday routine so they seek thrills in many various ways, pushing themselves to extreme limits.

We all want to feel alive.  But what we need to realize is that we don’t have to flirt with Death to do it.  He’s nondiscriminatory. He’s definitely not the answer.  I will continue to seek my thrills.  But as I’m become happier with myself and my life, tempting Death isn’t as much an appeal to me.  I’ve got too much to live for.  Will I let it keep me grounded?  Hell no!  But I will smile at Death with more respect.  Should he one day claim me, I hope it will be as friends after a well-lived life.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray  

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