Monday, July 28, 2014
These last few weeks have been hell, literally back-breaking turmoil. However, it’s all over and done. I’m now moved into my new place, everything has been put away, hung, stored, discarded or utilized, so I can now focus on my life. Moving became top priority and everything else, because I was misplaced, divided, and scattered, became second place. I have tons of unread email, I haven’t read, written, or promoted anything, my dating life disappeared, I’ve enjoyed no outdoor activities, haven’t seen or really spoken to my friends, and simply the last three weeks have been one big blur.
As I drifted off to sleep last night, I finally faced some things that I’ve been able to put on the back burner through this move. Hard things. Painful realizations. But, today is a new day, and this day marks a new phase in my life. I’ve been through a lot of those these last couple of years, and quite frankly I’m tired of them. I’d like a little bit of normal, but I know that’s futile. Normal has never related to me, so I’ve learned to roll with the punches.
I reminded myself why I’m even on this journey in the first place, why I disrupted what most people would say was a good, easy life. It was picture perfect on the outside, the model of the American dream, but inside I was lost. I took that leap of faith, disrupted the fantasy, and have been through some amazing changes – some good, some bad, but all forward. I was starting to become lost again – forgetting my main mission (to live a life of adventure and be loved, wanted, and desired) and sacrificing my own needs to help fulfill others. But not today. Today is a new day of a new phase in my life, and today… today I choose me.
I woke up this morning , after spending a night in tears saying goodbye to those things that have been holding me back, things I didn’t want to face, with a smile on my face and renewed determination in my heart. It’s time I got back to me. During my workout this morning (which I’m so glad to have all my equipment available) I felt the release with every drop of sweat, every burn of muscle, every measured breath. I said ‘goodbye’ and ‘hello’ at the same time.
So, this is the start of a new year for me, having just turned 43 a few days ago, a new phase, a new beginning. I’m moving on. I’m leaping into the air. Watch me fly away!
Till next time,