Wednesday, September 03, 2014
We all change. We are living beings that adapt to our surrounding and are constantly going through a metamorphosis, whether it be physical, emotional, or spiritual. Those who know me, understand how I thrive in change, yet hate it at the same time. While I’m my best in high-pressured situations, the pressure sometimes gets to me because it drains me, requires so much of me, that at the end of the day I’m spent – zombiefied. Though I change and adapt to the circumstances and situations to keep moving forward in my life – there’s one thing about me that never changes – my honesty.
Inside all of us, I believe, live multiple personalities, parts of us that shine at different times depending on which personality is best for the job. Things get really messed up for us when the wrong personality works at the wrong time in the wrong situation. That’s understandable. We’re human, not perfect. However, I’ve met some people over the years that really blown my mind because they become such totally different people than they were upon meeting, and leave no sign or trace of the personality I often fell in love with.
What happened? Where did that personality go? I’m not talking about a simple change, I’m talking about a complete 180 to where this person isn’t even recognizable. And what do I do? I cling to this new personality in the hope that the one I fell in love with will return. So far, that’s never happened.
I don’t get it. I don’t get why people can’t just be honest from DAY 1. That’s really what it boils down to, that in the beginning of these relationship the other person was lying – to themselves and to me. They were wearing their masks, pretending to be who they wanted, but then their true selves eventually came forward and their masks fell off.
You know that old adage, “If it’s too good to be true, it often is”? Well, that’s definitely true and one of these days I’m going to get that, and I’m going to understand that, and I’m going to learn to let go of any hope the masks were real. The masks are not real. I understand wearing masks, I was a pro at it. But, I also understand the freedom of being able to lay those masks down and just be who you really are – exposing your heart, your fears, and your weaknesses. This is what makes humanity so beautiful.
I am who I am. Who you meet on the first day is who I am on day 20, on day 100, on day 365, and so on. While I may change and adapt, merge and morph, I’m always honest, even when I’m wrong, confused, and angry. I don’t wear a mask anymore. Go back and read through these blogs and you’ll see I have exposed myself in the most intimate way possible – and that is the woman I am.
No matter how dazzling and sparkling your mask may be, I cannot love your mask. I deserve more than the fantasy, more than the pretention, more than the dazzling show. I deserve the hidden heart, not the song and dance. There are plenty of other dancers in the room of life – many of them have extravagant masks – perhaps they’re more to your liking.
I stand maskless – baring my soul for all to see. If you can’t remove your mask – bow out now and keep dancing.
Till next time,