I'm Gourmet, Not Buffet

You know, I seriously think buffets are not a good thing. Having too many choices, with no limit to amount or portion is never a good thing. Our bodies are wonderful, beautiful, extraordinary machines and they have mechanical parts that work in a particular fashion. While some of us have different types of engines, different amenities, different options, we all function on a similar and foundational basis. Use the wrong fuel and parts of us will break down, we will become dysfunctional, defective, and damaged. Having access of a buffet requires self-control, discipline, determination and a desire to love yourself and love your body more than the choices displayed in front of you.

The same goes for relationships. There are so many choices out there, a smorgasbord of options, I’m beginning to wonder where is the self-control required to maintain a healthy relationship, a healthy interaction? Nobody is perfect. There will never be a perfect display, loaded with all the choices someone thinks they want in a partner, and then have all those options in perfect display, perfect condition, cooked perfectly to our taste. If you believe that perfect person exists, you’re a bigger fool than the obese patron of a buffet thinking they’re eating responsibly.

If you find a partner that has that perfect beautiful body you desire, what of their heart, what of their mind, what of their passion, what of their health, what of their faith, what of their fears, what of their faults, what of their skeletons, what of their triggers? I watch so many unbalanced relationships start and fail because the selection was made on first sight. Just because it looks good and tastes good, it doesn’t mean it is good and not spoiled or rotten in the center, and will poison you. However, just because something looks healthy, doesn’t mean it isn’t filled with toxins or chemicals that will destroy more than it will fix. Just because something looks terrible, doesn’t mean it’s wholesome or tastes good. Come on, people… you’ve got to look deeper than the presentation. I can cook a meal and make it look like a million-dollar five-star gourmet delight, but be tasteless or smell like heaven but will send you to hell. Get your fucking heads out of the gutter. Stop watching your romance movies, reading your romance novels, and watching porn and being disappointed with the world and in the beautiful person right in front of you. Guess what? We are ALL faulty, but it doesn’t mean we can’t be beautiful, healthy, and something good in this world.

I used to desire that hot, fast, muscled Mustang, but I’ve come to appreciate and love my dependable Focus. Don’t get me wrong, feeling the vibration of that muscle car humming with all its raw power is hot, but I’m a little deeper than that now and I need more than muscle to meet my needs. I stay away from buffets and instead only buy what’s good for me, healthy for me, and for my betterment. I drive past the fast food restaurants and enjoy the art of cooking. I don’t test my self-control by not placing myself in the path of having to make that decision. In return enjoy the life that makes my soul sing. I am able to hike and enjoy nature. I feel better, healthy, and strong. I have strength to fight off infection. While my body is riddled with flaws, scars, flab, some wrinkles and the beginning of graying hair… I’m beautiful. I’ll never be a porn star, but I can make beautiful love to my man. I’ll never win a beauty contest, but I’ll love my partner with a beauty that can’t be judged. When I give my heart, I give also my support, my love, my devotion, my hopes, my dreams… and I pick up their heart, their support, their love, their devotion, their hopes, and their dreams.

Our buffet minds have destroyed so many relationships. When life get tough, and it does get tough - it’s fucking life - we have too many other choices in front of us to stick with the original choice we made. We’ve lied to ourselves thinking that maybe the next selection, or the next bite will taste better, so we pile our plates full of a little bit of everything and anything, yet truly appreciate nothing. But, if we have ONE beautifully plated, beautifully seasoned dish, we now have a chance to savor it, appreciate it, enjoy it, and truly taste it for the beauty it is. It’ll change our lives and make our love bloom to unimaginable heights.

Have you never wondered why there is little food on a five-star dish? Because that chef put his skill, his love, his talent, and his devotion into his dish, and he wants you to enjoy, appreciate and love what he’s created. He wants that dish to be the star of the meal… not lost among gross portions. It’s not how much you have, but the fine quality of what you have. I’m sorry, but I’m gourmet, not buffet. I’m a delicious dish that deserves my own beautiful plate. I’m not something to be piled upon by everything and anything. I’m classy. But, don’t think I’m snobbish, snooty, or have to have expensive. Don’t mistake expensive for quality. There is just as much crap on an expensive buffet as there is on a cheap one, the difference is only in the packaging.

Listen to me. Being in a relationship is about sharing who you are, all of who you are with your partner. Share your body. Share your mind. Share your hopes. Share your dreams. Share your problems. Share your failures. Share your mistakes. Share your fears. Share your doubts. Share your gifts. Share your fork. Share your kisses. Share your touch. Share your words. Share your silence. I don’t care what dirty laundry you have – we all have dirty laundry. Let’s wash it together. Physical problems, let me help encourage you, as you encourage me. Financial problems, let’s make a plan and both pick up a shovel. Emotional problems, let’s talk about it together, heal together. That’s what a relationship is about – quality – not packaging, display, or quantity. Let me love you. Dare to love me. Let’s avoid the buffet and concentrate on making one hell of a beautiful dish - together. We might have to start over again and again, choose some different ingredients as we discover what works and what doesn’t, and try some different seasonings until we find the right combination we both will enjoy and savor. It’s worth it.

But if you can’t, if you can’t make the effort, or have no self-control and can’t stop thinking and desiring the cheap substance of a buffet, then keep moving. I won’t be, no, I CAN’T be part of a buffet. I’m gourmet.

Till next time,



~Filet Mignon