Complete Honesty

Path to Ruby Beach - Olympic National Park - 05/31/2013

This famous Buddha quote has me a little conflicted.  I’ve always believed this sentiment, just under a different context.  “And the Truth shall set you free.” I took the meaning to say bondage of mind, heart and soul comes from the lack of being completely honest, and if we brave to be vulnerable, face the Truth, we will be free of all those things that bring us down and bind us.

I grew up among lies, manipulation, deception and abandonment.  The truth became something precious to me; a treasured jewel.  It’s actually something I cannot tolerate the lack of in those I allow in my life.

The first person I had to learn to be truthful with was me.  I’ve spent the last twenty-five years healing, facing the truth and trying to discover who I am.  It’s only been recently I’ve taken a huge leap of faith, lowered my defense mechanisms, and exposed my heart through complete honesty.  It’s the scariest thing I’ve ever done, and proving to be quite painful. 

The reason it’s called facing fears, is because the possibility of pain increases with every morsel of truth released.  We live in such a judgmental world, most often our greatest critic being ourselves. Our expectations are often unmet, in ourselves and in each other, and so our first reactions are to pull back and hide behind the lie, “I’m fine.”  It’s easier. It’s safer.  But, it’s wrong.

My first reaction to pain is to run.  My first reaction to confrontation is to fight.  My first reaction to fear is to throw up walls and harden my heart.  I’m trying to fight against my first responses.  I’m trying to remain open and completely honest even as my heart breaks, seized with panic attacks, and bombarded with overwhelming feelings of abandonment and disappointment.

Maybe Buddha knew what he was talking about.  Maybe the Truth really does set you free.  But, they should have a disclaimer, saying it’ll more than likely be the most painful and hardest thing you’ll ever have to do in your life.

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray