Love Shall Trickle

You know, they say (though I have no idea who ‘they’ are) that if I love something or someone, and I pour my love into them, that love will come back to me.  That’s not always true.  Well, at least it’s not true in the sense that it comes back to me in the way I hope or think.  I think if I  pour my love into someone specific or into a certain situation, I will reap the return love from both.  But, that’s where I mess up.   Let me try to explain.

When we love someone we tend to think the best thing we can do is pour our love into them and they will love us back.  Too many times I hear the following excuse in a break up, “But I loved you, I believed in you, I gave you everything.”  I know.  I’ve done it.  I’ve said those exact words.  Where I messed up was in the actual pouring out what I had into someone else.  In the end… all it left me, was empty.

What I’ve learned is that I need to let the raw love I have for myself  trickle into me, begin to fill me, let it build and then let it run over my banks and cascade out of me like a waterfall.  Those who stand under it or around me will be affected … but I don’t need them to fill my banks.  That’s for me to do. 

In my trial and errors, failures and mistakes, I’ve learned a valuable lesson:  I poured myself out to the wrong person.  What I should have  done was allow myself to pour into me, and from the overflow provide a beautiful waterfall of love for everyone else. 

I don’t need to be loved.  I want to be loved, adored, wanted and desired -  everyone does.  But, I’m beginning to see what I need most  is for people to enjoy the love I have for and in me.  They will love me, because I love me. 

I have some really great friends in my life, and the reason I love them is because I see something in them that is beautiful.  I once told someone they were beautiful and I wasn’t talking about the color of their eyes or even the way they made me feel.  They were beautiful to me because I saw them loving themselves, enjoying what made them happy, and encouraging me to do the same by being who they were, not who I wanted them to be.  I sometimes saw that beauty so strong I couldn't help but become overwhelmed. I bathed in their waterfall.