Photo by T.L. Gray - 08/12/2013 |
For many years I’ve had people tell me they believed
in me, but to me those were only meaningless words whispered in moments of fake
accolades. Most people don’t mean what
they say. They learn a few key phrases
and repeat them like mantras, as if saying them alone makes them true. All you need is to look into their eyes or
watch their actions for only a short period of time to know whether they’re
true or not.
For many years I smiled at these people as they
attempted to soothe me with their honeyed words. Yet, I’ve come to realize my smile was just
as false as their claims. I don’t do it
anymore. I just don’t allow these people
into my life at all. I’ve learned to
walk away. Having been abandoned and
rejected by my own family, those who were supposed to believe in me most, I’ve
spent four decades trying to grasp even the thinnest thread of acceptance and
support. But it wasn’t someone else’s
approval I needed, only my own.
For many years I blamed myself for their lack of
support, telling myself I wasn’t good enough, strong enough, pretty enough,
skinny enough, smart enough, or brave enough to deserve their love and support –
I convinced myself I was broken. But, I’ve
come to learn I am good, strong, pretty, healthy, smart and braver than most
people I know, and I deserve to be loved, to be wanted, and to be desired.
I no longer seek approval from others. They support me, stand next to me, love me,
and believe in me, or they don’t. I know
my true friends and I love them with all my heart. I just hope they know that I love, support, want
and desire them in return, that when I tell them I believe in them, they know I
mean it.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
yup.
ReplyDeleteI love your 'yup'. I love you too, my friend.
ReplyDelete