Monday, August 12, 2013

Single-Lane Roads

Photo by T.L. Gray - Olympic National Park 06/01/2013

I suppose there’s a deep part of me that has always desired to travel single-lane roads.  I’ve tried to go in the ‘right’ direction with the majority, but in doing so became engulfed in the masses and have lost sight of my destination.    Going with heavy traffic is easy and allows my mind to wander, because I don’t have to concentrate so much on where I am, nor keep my eyes peeled on the signs, or even pay too close attention to the limits, because I’m in flow, everything is moving steadily and in the same direction.  I merge into the flow, move inconspicuously, and then merge out when I reach my destination – often a place of routine, acceptance and expectation. 

I can’t help but feel I was created for more.  The first phase of my life I spent fighting against what was expected, traveling on the wrong side of traffic, on constant edge, dodging oncoming trouble.  The last phase, I spent trying to meet expectations, lost among the heavy flow, trying to blend, and merge into normality.  In each, I lost a bit of my true identity… one in survival, the other in suburbia. In this current phase I set my own expectations because I’m finally starting piece myself together and go in the direction I was meant. The only thing I know for sure is that I travel on the road I was destined.  I don’t know where it will lead, and I don’t know which side of the road is the right one.  I don’t know all the curves, bumps or hills this single lane contains, but I choose to enjoy the adventure.  I choose to notice the beauty around me.  I pay attention to where I am on this single-lane road.  Sometimes I pass another on my way, or dodge those going in the opposite direction, and sometimes it’s lonely, but I continue.    

For now I ride alone, but I hope someday, someone on the same path, with the same heart, filled with the same vision will accompany me.  Until then, I wipe away the tears I’ve shed grieving the life in my rearview mirror, downshift, and stomp on the gas. 

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray