Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Sing With Me or Let Me Go

Inside my soul plays a melody– it’s such a beautiful song, and whenever I’m silent I can hear it.  I can feel every note, but I can’t recognize the lyrics.  There’s all this noise pushing, blocking, and making it hard to find that clear message.

Of what am I so afraid?  I’ve been to hell  - and I survived.  I couldn’t have made it through without the love and support I received from a couple of my friends, but what am I supposed to do now that they don’t have to carry or hold me anymore?  I’m so fucking tired of walking away or standing still as I watch others disappear into the shadows – their songs that helped me so much fading into the background.   I’m like a dust particle floating through a beam of sunlight – I’m falling, fluttering in uncontrolled chaos, swished around by every gust of wind.  My time in the sunlight is for but a moment.  I know eventually I’ll touch the floor and disappear among the others who’ve fell before.  Now is all I have. Today.  My song.

I wish we would just hear each other – really listen to each other’s heart, as human beings.  We’re such a mess, but we’re a beautiful mess.  I just want to hear my song as I dance in the sunlight.  I must let go – grab the notes that work, let go of the ones off key.  There is no perfection, there is no answer that will solve all the mysteries, there’s only now, there’s only today, there’s only one song.  Sing with me or let me go.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

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