I’m gearing up for
my big event today at the University of West Georgia Book Fest ‘13. For those who know me, know this outgoing
splash of color who does really, really well interacting with people. I’m a
great public speaker and often the life of the party. What most people don't
know is that I nearly throw up right before I paste that smile on my face and
get into social mode.
I'm quite an
introvert and spend a lot of time on my own, and even have to fight with myself
sometimes to leave my own door. I know
it’s just a fear, one I've had all my life, and one that as soon as I take the
first step I can control and overcome.
But taking that first step, picking up the phone, opening the door,
walking out of the room is sometimes one of the hardest things I do all
day. My friends often think I don’t love
them or care because I don’t call them, text them, or message them first, or I
don’t answer immediately when they do.
What they don’t realize is that often I desperately need them, but I
won’t reach out because of these fears.
I can almost
guarantee when I get home tonight, I will pass out from exhaustion, because
facing those kinds of fears and being "ON" takes a lot of energy.
It’s a constant battle.
I'm sure many of you
right now have open jaws, unable to believe this crazy thing about me, having
seen me in action, heard me speak, and watched me perform. If you only knew how scared I am, and how
much I'd rather just crawl beneath the covers on my bed and hide until the
whole event was over, you’d be surprised I do anything. Don't worry, I won’t
hide. I’ve been fighting against this
fear all night and all morning. I'm
about to gather my materials, pack them into my car, take a deep breath, and
put on my cape (in this case a nice, big hat).
It's time to fly,
and it doesn’t matter I'm deathly afraid of heights.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
Swear you live inside my head! Except I don't own very many hats...maybe that's my issue.
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