Wednesday, September 18, 2013

The Outgoing Introvert

I’m gearing up for my big event today at the University of West Georgia Book Fest ‘13.  For those who know me, know this outgoing splash of color who does really, really well interacting with people. I’m a great public speaker and often the life of the party. What most people don't know is that I nearly throw up right before I paste that smile on my face and get into social mode. 
I'm quite an introvert and spend a lot of time on my own, and even have to fight with myself sometimes to leave my own door.  I know it’s just a fear, one I've had all my life, and one that as soon as I take the first step I can control and overcome.  But taking that first step, picking up the phone, opening the door, walking out of the room is sometimes one of the hardest things I do all day.  My friends often think I don’t love them or care because I don’t call them, text them, or message them first, or I don’t answer immediately when they do.  What they don’t realize is that often I desperately need them, but I won’t reach out because of these fears.
I can almost guarantee when I get home tonight, I will pass out from exhaustion, because facing those kinds of fears and being "ON" takes a lot of energy. It’s a constant battle. 
I'm sure many of you right now have open jaws, unable to believe this crazy thing about me, having seen me in action, heard me speak, and watched me perform.  If you only knew how scared I am, and how much I'd rather just crawl beneath the covers on my bed and hide until the whole event was over, you’d be surprised I do anything. Don't worry, I won’t hide.  I’ve been fighting against this fear all night and all morning.  I'm about to gather my materials, pack them into my car, take a deep breath, and put on my cape (in this case a nice, big hat).
It's time to fly, and it doesn’t matter I'm deathly afraid of heights.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

1 comment:

  1. Swear you live inside my head! Except I don't own very many hats...maybe that's my issue.