Wednesday, October 25, 2006

A Lover's Spat...

I'm currently having a lover's spat with my husband. My life is a little chaotic at the moment with a lot of different things going on at the same time. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't 'blame' my husband for what is happening. I'm not accusing him of anything or even saying that he's in anyway remotely responsible.

However, my husband is my fortress of refuge and my strength. He's the one I turn to in times of trouble, not just when things are going great. He is my comforter and I expect certain things out of him, like being comforted. He's my shield against these attacks - so I'm a little frustrated at the amount of bombardment that I'm going through at the moment.

I'm not blaming him for these spiritual and emotional attacks, nor am I saying that he could have prevented them. I'm angry that I have to go through them at all, but who wouldn't be? Who truly rejoices when times of trouble comes onto them? Who jumps up and down to see one of their children go through something that's tearing their heart to pieces? Who dances when financial problems start piling up? Who laughs as they watch their dreams one by one being ripped from their grasp? Yet, isn't that what we're supposed to do?

According to Paul's final instructions to the Thessalonians it is: 1Thessalonians 5:16-18 - " Be joyful always: pray continually: give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

It's a lot easier said than done.

I'm angry, but I'm not afraid. I'm secure in my faith and know that I will get through this as I have been taken through before. This is just another time and season in the valley. It's another growth spurt. It's another time to discover that things are out of my control, where they shouldn't be anyway. It' s another time of learning.

I've learned - that I can't make someone else walk my path - no matter how much I desire for them to. I can't make them have the same relationship I do. I can't let them borrow my faith. I can't believe for them. They have to do it themselves. It's out of my control.

I've learned - that being faithful gives me more power than I realize. Though I'm going through a time of tribulation, I can stand before my God with my head held high, because I KNOW that I've been faithful. I can boldly approach the Throne of God and lay my complaint before Him, because I know I have a right - I've been faithful. I can stand against the poisoned arrows of my enemy because I know I have an Advocate, Sword and a Shield - I've been faithful. Doubt has no room, because I've been faithful.

God warned me of this time in my dreams - just go back and read them and you can see. I posted them on this blog. I do not fear. In the dreams - I gained victory and so too shall I now.

So, I'm having a little spat with my husband right now. I'm bringing him my complaints and laying them at his feet. This isn't my burden to carry, but his - I've been faithful. This husband I'm talking about isn't the one I'm naturally married to, but spiritually - Christ. I'm not angry with him, but I'm tired of holding onto what isn't mine. It's time he took over and carried this burden for me. It' s time for him to comfort me and I won't stop petitioning him until he does - I've been faithful.

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