Monday, July 15, 2013

Don't Step Back - Push Forward

I’m afraid of a lot of things, because life is filled with a lot of uncertainty and in the middle of adversity I have been hurt.  However, one thing I’m certain is that I walk through this world with my eyes and heart wide open and my observations and opinions, failures and successes, are my own.  Fear makes me cautious, but it doesn’t stop me. I’m not afraid to fail or get hurt; I’m more afraid not to try, not to learn, or not to experience.
I’ve been through a lot of changes over the years and my mistakes are countless, but there’s one thing that hasn’t changed, and that’s my authenticity or my devotion.  I’ve been wrong, I’ve been narrow-minded, I’ve been naïve, and I’ve been mistaken, but I’ve always been honest… to myself and to others.  This is dangerous because it allows my heart and soul to be exposed and possibly hurt, and I have been hurt – a lot.  Yet I can’t bring myself to live any other way.
I’ve been rejected, but I can’t allow rejection to stop me from trying again.  Someday I’ll be accepted.
I’ve been let down by those who should have been there for me most, but I can’t allow that to stop me from ever depending on someone else.  Someday, someone will be there when I need them.
I’ve watched portions of my dreams being shattered like glass, but I can’t allow that to stop me from reaching for more dreams or putting those shattered pieces together.  Someday I’ll walk in their fulfillment.
Not everybody sees the world the same.  Not everybody responds to the hurts, pains and disappointments with the same measure.  Our natural reactions to pain, disappointment, or failure are to close our eyes and build a tall wall around our hearts. Most often we cling to philosophies and opinions of others because we no longer trust our own decisions.  WE CAN’T DO THAT!
I’ve learned…
If you’re heartbroken …the best way to heal from that pain is to put your heart back out there, don’t hide it away. YES, you can make a wrong decision and it can get hurt again, but it can also get filled.  Hiding it away builds an unhealthy pattern and you can become rigid and spend your life alone and bitter, or going from one meaningless relationship to the next. It’s meaningless because you don’t allow your heart to become invested.
If you’ve failed at something …immediately start working on it again or jump into something new. Don’t step back and become afraid to try something else, because you can very well become too afraid to ever try anything again.  
We’re often told to take a step back to give our hearts a chance to heal. Let me tell you, as someone who has endured a lot of pain, failure, disappointment, setbacks, heartache and abuse… I’ve never healed by stepping back – only by pushing forward.  I’ve never succeeded by sitting down after a defeat – only by grabbing the next opportunity. 
And as for matters of the heart …I’ve given it my best shot, invested everything thing I had, loved openly and honestly and failed miserably… and the only way I know how to heal from that is to open my wounded heart to love again.  I WANT to build walls, push away and run like hell. I receive advice almost on a daily basis to step back, put up walls, set boundaries, to give myself time to heal.  I’ve spent the last couple of decades learning to love myself and open my heart… and I’ll be damned if I’m going to start closing it now.  Is that a mistake?  Only time will tell.

I’m moving forward… in my career, my passion, my dream and my heart. I apologize now for those around me who can’t do the same, because I may just have to leave you behind so you don’t hold me back. I can’t allow someone else to stop me from moving forward. I’ve just escaped that… and cannot allow it. This is ME seeing things in MY OWN eyes and feeling with MY OWN heart.  I may be wrong, but it’s my honest thoughts.  I may fail today, but if I do, I’ll get up again tomorrow.  You never know …I may just succeed. 
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray 

1 comment:

  1. I really like to read your words. And I love that quote by Einstein.
    Yes, I agree with you. Being authentic is the most difficult thing to do. It is very challenging. We are pressed to see things the way others see them.