 | ||
| Blue Bells on Mt. Rainier - 06/09/2013 |
I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve watched new
romance blossom between friends, only to find a few months later both of them
trying to change the very things about their partners they found attractive in
the first place. It’s maddening,
really.
Why do we do stupid things like
that? Girls, if you’re attracted to bad
boys, why do you expect your bad boys to suddenly grow wings? Or men, if you’re attracted to wild women,
why are you surprised when your woman is not Suzy Homemaker? For the sake of sanity … stop trying to
change people from who they are to whom you want them to be. It’s a losing
battle.
It isn’t just romantic couples who do this, but this strange
anomaly (please note the hint of sarcasm) happens in every relationship of our
lives - from our friends and families to co-workers and associates. The things that usually excites us about each
other, is often the very thing we seek to change upon entering into any serious
form of relationship.
STOP!
I’m learning to identify what I like about someone and
why? But then I also think about how
that trait would affect me in a more personal level. I.e. – If I admire someone for being career-driven,
focused, putting their passion above everything else, then I have to consider
that more than likely any social or personal relationship I have with that
person will have to come second to their driven passions. It’s shame on us if we want to change
anything about them.
I’m not saying I couldn’t have a romance with such a person,
but it would be wrong of me to want them to change their devotion and focus from
their career to me. What would be
healthy is that I appreciate them for who they are, and build a relationship
remembering and celebrating those traits into something that would work for us
both.
If he likes alone time… give him time alone. Don’t gripe and complain that he’s not
spending all his time with you. Plan
your time together, but leave room for him to be alone.
If she likes to be silly with her friends, be the life of
the parties …don’t expect her to stay home and cuddle all the time. Let her be with her friends, or go watch and
admire her spread her wings.
If you have a co-worker that performs miracles with a
hands-off approach, don’t stand over their shoulders and micro-manage
them. Trust them to excel in the traits
you admire in them, and that trust you show them will be returned in the
quality of the work they perform.
If you admire the complete openness and blatant honesty of
your friend, then don’t get angry at them when they express that same open
honesty when it comes to things you don’t agree. Appreciate them for their open honesty, and be
prepared to sometimes hear what might hurt your flesh just a bit.
Do I always treat everyone in my life with this form of fairness? No. But, I’m working on it. I don’t want to
possess someone, I want to appreciate them.
I’m learning to see them for who
they are, not for who I want them to be in my life. I can only hope they return the favor.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
No comments:
Post a Comment