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| Picture by T.L. Gray - Olympic National Park 05/30/2013 |
For
my 42nd birthday this past week, a dear friend of mine gave me a
book called, “Finding Your Own North Star” by Martha Beck. For those of you who know me, you’re aware I’ve
started a company called North Star, so the title of this book fit perfectly. It isn’t the title alone that grabbed
my attention, but the opening paragraph.
In addition to the partial quote above, it goes on to
say: “I don’t even want to remember how
scary that space was – makes me feel like I’m gonna die or something. I’m only telling you about it because a lot
of good came of it in the long run. So
anyway, I don’t even know how I ended up so far off course. I felt like I’d been sleepwalking.” - Dan, age 41.
I've made this statement quite often, especially among some of these blog posts. According to Beck, the above is a loose
rendition of the first twelve lines of The Devine Comedy written in 1307 by
Dante Alighieri. Changing course in the
middle of life seems to be a common theme throughout history. Moses was forty before he began to free the
Israelite slaves, Abraham was already married and well-seasoned when he
separated from everything he knew to wander into the wilderness, and even Jesus
himself was thirty-three before being called into the desert and starting his
short-lived ministry.
Beck
goes on to claim that everyone is on a journey, searching for three main things
in life – truth, love and joy, and these aspects she calls collectively
the “North Star”. Everyone knows the Stella Polaris is fixed in the heavens and doesn’t move. Everything else
moves, but this a fixed central point.
“You
may think you’re utterly lost, that you’re going to die a bewildered death in the
Dark Wood of Error. But brush away those leaves, wait for the clouds to clear, and you’ll see your destiny shining as
brightly as ever: the fixed point in the constantly changing constellations of
your life,” Beck writes.
Wow,
that’s exactly how I feel… utterly lost and hopelessly bewildered; like a bit of
my soul is dying every day amid the pain, confusion and worry of this mid-life
shift. I don’t know what tomorrow holds
and I fear meeting even the basic of my needs, but in the middle of my fear,
with shaking hands and wobbly knees, I march forward. The pain of my heartbreak is so thick and so
strong, I can barely breathe at times, but I move onward.
I
pray I can brush away these leaves - the ones tussled in my hair from falling
on my face - and look skyward to see the clouds of my despair parting, because
I really need to find my “North Star”. I
know it’s there, I’ve seen it before; I’m lost without it. I don’t want to wander this wilderness
anymore. Beck writes that when we can’t
see our North Stars, we have built in compasses to help guide us in our search
for our true paths. The following chapters
of this book promises to help us discover and learn how to use and rely on these
inner compasses, so that when we find ourselves once again (for there will be
many) lost, cloudy or off course, we have to go on faith and trust our inner
compass in order to stay close to our right life, and live the life we were
meant to live.
That’s
one hell of a tall order, but right now I’m taking a chance on faith and
trusting Beck knows what she’s talking about.
What do I have to lose? Will it
be painless? Not in my experience. According to Dante, the way back to la verace via, the true path, lay
directly through Hell. THAT I
understand, but fighting and surviving Hell was always worth the effort when I
knew what I was fighting for or against; knowing that purpose (North Star – destiny) helped
keep me focused no matter the pain. I
need that again, I need to find and be reminded of my North Star. Perhaps the name of my company means much
more than I initially realized?
Do
you know where your North Star lies?
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
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